how long

right excuse the spellings etc im crap at it lol

my aunty is in the last stages of a brain tumour and was told she will have died by the end of the weekend, but she didn't. now she has been given the highest dose of morphin (like what they are given before they die in a hospice)

im just wondering how long someone can survive on it, ive not seen her as it is too much for me to take in but ive been told her face is so smooth and wrinkle free, and she is eating via a drip compared to two weeks ago when she started not being able to stand,

she was fine before christmas now she is about to die, i don;t know what im suppose to feel am i ment to be angry it has happened to her or feel some kind of happiness that she will no longer be in pain, at the moment i don't feel anything and i have trouble even believeing it i but in the conversation changing it when someone talks about it!!

its well selfish of me don't you think?

aww bless thanx you i just feel like im the only one in the family who isn't caring about it, im more worried about my brother,its sister instinct ive had to watch out for him hes too nice to stand up for himself and my aunty dying will crush both my brothers,

i found out some stuff about my family, like my granparents never really wanted to look after us when we went round and my aunty rasied my dad, my nan was always ill with mystey illness

please excuse my spellin lol
my nan has had lukemia for 17 years and alzheimers for about 6 whats to say her sister (my aunt won't have more time then first thought)
im not going to be believing it when she goes, we used to play tiddlywinks as kids,
its selfish but i can;t hack funerals

could i handle something like that by myself do you think?
i haven't told any of my mates round here because i hate to burdon them and don't want to be a crushed wreck,

i have changed really badly and i don't like some of the feelings and thoughts ive had over the past few months, ive been angry and wanting to hurt people and so happy i can't breathe,

yer but its been like this for ages since before aunt was ill

since i started going crackers like quitin my job and everyone disowning me as i wasn;t able to go out for drinks anymore, and all that stuff with not being able to go out i had before, im fine going out now i honestly don't care what people think ofme,
i think i have a chip on my shoulder, not sure what though,

even my grandad is gettin ill as well, i seems like everything will change, people are changing it is so werid!!

thanx u so much x

maybe i am been to busy making my life better then noticing how much things have changed,