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should i forgive him?

i recently completely broke it off with a guy who i had had an on and off relationship with for just over a year and a half. every time we split up and saw each other we got back together again after a week or two. by about christmas it got to the stage where i was worried about whether we were going to split up and was really getting me down. so after he was acting really wierdly like saying he had changed and didnt think we were right for each other then deciding we were and he had 'made a mistake' i texted him telling him i never wanted to see him again etc.
he recently posted a card through my door (as it was my birthday) saying he really wanted to be friends and see me and how sorry he was. after i split up with him i felt so much better but really dont want to loose him as my friend.
should i forgive him and agree to be friends or not? :confused:

Reply 1

dyslexic_banana

1

I'm struggling to see what he's actually done wrong. Maybe you should elaborate.

Reply 2

fidge

no dont be friends.

theres no point. and if he ends up getting with someone itll make you feel worse.

move on. its for the best.

Reply 3

~*Sweetness*~

I think it depends on whether you can be friends without having old feelings re-emerging because otherwise you'll end up in the situation you were in before and you obviously weren't happy about it then.

Reply 4

Evil Phoenix

2

phantom

i recently completely broke it off with a guy who i had had an on and off relationship with for just over a year and a half. every time we split up and saw each other we got back together again after a week or two. by about christmas it got to the stage where i was worried about whether we were going to split up and was really getting me down. so after he was acting really wierdly like saying he had changed and didnt think we were right for each other then deciding we were and he had 'made a mistake' i texted him telling him i never wanted to see him again etc.
he recently posted a card through my door (as it was my birthday) saying he really wanted to be friends and see me and how sorry he was. after i split up with him i felt so much better but really dont want to loose him as my friend.
should i forgive him and agree to be friends or not? :confused:

I see a problem with becoming friends with him again: you will prob just end up together again (which subconsciously might b just what you're hoping) anf then split up and then you're left alone and confused all over again, so unless you're sure a friendship is all you want, then i suggest you try to get over him completely and leave it alone.

Reply 5

phantom

OP

2

dyslexic_banana

I'm struggling to see what he's actually done wrong. Maybe you should elaborate.

he keeps deciding that we shouldnt be together and then changing his mind, just generally messing me around and confusing me. even his best mate who is a close friend of mine thinks that he is messing me around. i dont want a relationship with him again but i havent seen him yet so it might change if i do

Reply 6

Schroedinger's Pandora

13

Exactly what you describe happened to me last year.
It was almost as though he was playing a game, and every time i took him back I was waiting for the inevatable split (which he usually informed me of by text message), and I was left to feel more and more ridiculous each time. I cant be friends with him. I missed him a lot around the time but you get over that. The whole friendship thing just doesn't work as you will manage to rekindle the degrading cycle he has forced you to endure for god knows how long. That guy has totally disrespected you, and he knows it.. He just knows how to keep you sweet.
He knows that no matter what he does or the intesity of the hurt and confusion he causes you, he can have you back any time.

The sooner you realise the better. In fact he is probably taking the pi*s out of you behind your back.

Feel free to PM me :smile:

x

Reply 7

wendizzle22

1

If you think he was genuinely in a muddle and had other reasons for being inconsistent such as family problems or ex trouble, then maybe carry on talking to him if you think he's worth it. (As if you are friends you will probably end up back in the on-off situation.) If he's just trying to be a 'player' then I'd leave it. How old is he? Is he quite a mature person?
I had a similar dilemma as twice in the early stages of our relationship my boyfriend told me he needed space and we didn't see each other for a while. At first I was afraid of being messed around but it turned out that he really was deciding whether he wanted a serious relationship, and also sorting out some personal problems - luckily when he'd resolved them and made his mind up it worked out.
However,a year and a half does sound like a long time to still not be sure if you make a good couple! If you really only want to be friends and not in a relationship again, you've got to stick to your guns, or you might get hurt again.

Reply 8

dyslexic_banana

1

little_red_sox

The whole friendship thing just doesn't work as you will manage to rekindle the degrading cycle he has forced you to endure for god knows how long. That guy has totally disrespected you, and he knows it.. He just knows how to keep you sweet.
He knows that no matter what he does or the intesity of the hurt and confusion he causes you, he can have you back any time.

The sooner you realise the better. In fact he is probably taking the pi*s out of you behind your back.

A good post, in some ways, and eloquently put, but are you sure you're not jumping the gun a bit? All she's said is that he keeps saying they should be together, before changing his mind. Seems erratic and slightly unstable, emotionally, and I sympathise, but maybe he has his reasons, and isn't doing this in quite the malicious way you're suggesting.

should i forgive him?

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