The Student Room Group

I feel stupid

Just the last week or so I've felt completely socially inept and basically like I'm an imbecile. I don't seem to be able to keep a conversation going with anyone for more than five minutes. I don't feel like anyone even notices me at the moment either - I saw two guys I know at uni today and they both looked through me even when I waved at them (promtly looking like an idiot). My flatmate ignored me on the train today too. I feel like I don't even exist. I've become so socially redundant that I've stop being noticed!

It's really getting to me, cause my self confidence is just spiralling downwards.

Don't really know why I'm posting, think I just need to get it out.

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Reply 1
Don't give up trying. :smile:

I am sure there is a reasonable explanation for them ignoring you. Keep practicing conversation and you'll soon manage to keep them going for longer. It might not always be you who kills the conversation. It sounds like you are making too much effort when the other person cannot be bothered.
Reply 2
I feel like this all the time. I've come to realise that I am a type of person who tend to focus on stuff like that, little things that make me feel bad. I'm sure they probably didn't see you, or they were looking at something behind you and didn't pay attention to anyone trying to get their attention. Or maybe they just didn't wear their glasses that day so that they could look good or something. :cool:
It is hard for socially inept people like us, but I suppose it does get better, and maybe you haven't met the "right" people who think along the same wavelength as you.

Hope things will work out :smile:
I think it's more their problem than yours- i mean unless they didn't see you, that was just plain rude and mean- i've had people do that to me before. As for keeping conversations going- it takes two so the other person has to make an effort too-just try and talk about general stuff and ask them a question if you can't think of anything to say. But whatever you do -don't feel stupid, you're worth more than that!!
Reply 4
seriously it's not just you.

i'm literally filling in my friend on how i feel exactly the same.

it's horrible cos for some reason it only seems to be with my closest 3 friends. for some reason i can chat to others and feel involved perfectly fine, like always, but...

i don't know if it's the actual situation or if 'm just seeign things all screwed up cos of my recent lacking in self esteem issues.

but it's not just you. trust me.

x
Reply 5
I certainly feel this way, but my confidence can literally transform in seconds if I'm with the "right" people and back down with the people with whom I can't hold a decent conversation - the best way to improve your confidence is to reinforce your personality with people who you can talk to - and make sure it is regular so it becomes normality. It's not always easy, but changing who with or how you interact is the best way - often you can feel more secure in negative feelings, even if it they are painful. You are certainly not alone and there will be people you can interact with - one or one million, it doesn't matter.
Reply 6
pixiepeep
Just the last week or so I've felt completely socially inept and basically like I'm an imbecile. I don't seem to be able to keep a conversation going with anyone for more than five minutes. I don't feel like anyone even notices me at the moment either - I saw two guys I know at uni today and they both looked through me even when I waved at them (promtly looking like an idiot). My flatmate ignored me on the train today too. I feel like I don't even exist. I've become so socially redundant that I've stop being noticed!

It's really getting to me, cause my self confidence is just spiralling downwards.

Don't really know why I'm posting, think I just need to get it out.
I have exactly the same thing in terms of coversation. Or at least a type of conversation... but don't worry you can't be as socially redunant as me. When you get to the point you stay in your room all day and only go out for lecturers and food, then you should worry :wink:
pixiepeep
Just the last week or so I've felt completely socially inept and basically like I'm an imbecile. I don't seem to be able to keep a conversation going with anyone for more than five minutes. I don't feel like anyone even notices me at the moment either - I saw two guys I know at uni today and they both looked through me even when I waved at them (promtly looking like an idiot). My flatmate ignored me on the train today too. I feel like I don't even exist. I've become so socially redundant that I've stop being noticed!

It's really getting to me, cause my self confidence is just spiralling downwards.

Don't really know why I'm posting, think I just need to get it out.
Aw hun, I get exactly the same sometimes! I just have to tell myself it's paranoia and then force myself on other people! I think it's my own fault sometimes though for caring too much that people like me!
Reply 8
I went out for a few drinks tonight with one of my best mates here and I had a laugh, but I've come back to the flat and feel just the same - he's still here as well, so it makes no sense. It's like I'm only noticed when there's no one else around :frown:
Reply 9
pixiepeep
Just the last week or so I've felt completely socially inept and basically like I'm an imbecile. I don't seem to be able to keep a conversation going with anyone for more than five minutes. I don't feel like anyone even notices me at the moment either - I saw two guys I know at uni today and they both looked through me even when I waved at them (promtly looking like an idiot). My flatmate ignored me on the train today too. I feel like I don't even exist. I've become so socially redundant that I've stop being noticed!

It's really getting to me, cause my self confidence is just spiralling downwards.

Don't really know why I'm posting, think I just need to get it out.

Im sure theres a good reason for them ignoring you,
maybe they didnt notice you??? might be worth asking them why they ignored you, but try not to make it sound like your having ago or anything.
I wouldn't let it get you down as you say its only been recentley so they clearly didnt have a problem with you before.
Plus i know you well enough to know your a lovely girl and you shouldn't feel negative about yourself.
Reply 10
MNBStyle
Plus i know you well enough to know your a lovely girl and you shouldn't feel negative about yourself.


Aw, that's really sweet. I'm far too nice sometimes - I think that's where I go wrong. Got no balls, so to speak :p:
Reply 11
pixiepeep
Aw, that's really sweet. I'm far too nice sometimes - I think that's where I go wrong. Got no balls, so to speak :p:

Well i know how being to nice can backfire but you just named a great quality about you,
but thats not a reason for them to ignore you, thats if they intentionally meant to of course.
It could be due to the fact your not being to Sociable recentley like you said, is there a reason you been like this thoe???
Reply 12
MNBStyle
Well i know how being to nice can backfire but you just named a great quality about you,
but thats not a reason for them to ignore you, thats if they intentionally meant to of course.
It could be due to the fact your not being to Sociable recentley like you said, is there a reason you been like this thoe???


Just not much felt like going out - first week back to uni I had four essays to finish, so I was unsociable for a darn good reason :p: Just after I finished my essays I came down with a right nasty cold and it's hard to be sociable when you've got no voice, and when it does come through all my 'd's sound like 'b's

Plus I've just felt miserable. :frown: Not entirely sure why. My screwy seratonin levels messing me about again. That could be the problem - no one knows quite how to deal with me when I'm upset for no reason.

*sigh*
Eien
I certainly feel this way, but my confidence can literally transform in seconds if I'm with the "right" people and back down with the people with whom I can't hold a decent conversation - the best way to improve your confidence is to reinforce your personality with people who you can talk to - and make sure it is regular so it becomes normality. It's not always easy, but changing who with or how you interact is the best way - often you can feel more secure in negative feelings, even if it they are painful. You are certainly not alone and there will be people you can interact with - one or one million, it doesn't matter.


Yeah spot on there - if your personality isn't reinforced you can feel so screwed up. My situation at uni is far from ideal but thankfully i finish at uni in 5 months, i've somehow coped with the scenario for quite some time but i need and will be having a fresh start when i go travelling with a couple of friends back home. It's truly disturbing, i acutally just try and want to avoid people, im not intrinsically inept but thats the way it is at the moment - it feels pathetic. Meh maybe im depressed, i'd better start jogging again...only have myself to blame.
I spend most of the time being ignored by people. It can be really depressing (not really the right word, too strong, but I cannot think of one to adequately fill the gap) if people don't acknowledge you, especially if you thought they were/are your friends. The way I see it if they don't want to know you, don't give them the time of day. Always remeber to be yourself, (normally considered bad advice :wink: ) but it is the way to go. That way you know who your friends are, and can concentrate on them. I'd say I only have two/three people I'd really call friends, the rest of the people in my sixth form are just acquaintances I have to put up with at school and in lessons, most of whom talk about me negatively about me all the time behind my back. But hey, that's life, and that's why people come to the conclusion that life sucks.
Reply 15
No offence but ive noticed how alot of people who get ignored flea to the internet, i think perhaps using websites like TSR can leave people lacking in real life social skills.
You can't carry a conversation by yourself. I've had experience with this. I've tried talking to people and asking loads of questions and what not but all they do is very briefly answer my questions and then stop talking. I decided I'm not going to try so hard to talk to people that don't want to talk. Eventually a couple of them initiated conversations with me so don't worry...everything will work just like it usually does. :smile:
Elipsis
No offence but ive noticed how alot of people who get ignored flea to the internet, i think perhaps using websites like TSR can leave people lacking in real life social skills.


Maybe people come on here 'cos they're bored and have nothing to do. I think I have fine social skills anyway, it's just I have no friends that knocks my confidence.

And if this place is so bad, what're you doing here?
Reply 18
Morpheus Pawsey
Maybe people come on here 'cos they're bored and have nothing to do. I think I have fine social skills anyway, it's just I have no friends that knocks my confidence.

And if this place is so bad, what're you doing here?


Did i say it was so bad? I was just pointing out that spending your life in cyber space can leave you void of what to do when you have real human contact.
Yes, I think this is almost escapism for some people, where they can feel confident and express themselves freely without being judged. That's fine as long as it doesn't become too central to your life and you can recognize cyber/reality etc.