How do you make friends? This may seem an odd question but I haven't actually ever made friends before. I might get on casually with someone for a short amount of time but that is it. Those I have closest who are the closest to friends I have had or have are always pathetic, or screwed up. I usually end up tiring off them, which takes a while as I am pretty patient. The people I respect, even if they don't dislike me to begin with eventually will. I'm a bit of a geek and definitely outside the "cool" groupings, but even geeks and their little social circle seems to treat me as an outsider. I don't even see myself as that bad a chararecter really. Yes I can be a bit self-centred and petulant, but then everyone has a bad side.
Now I have always been something of a social aberration. At both levels of school I was universally rejected by my peers. It wasn't even necessarily bullying just social rejection, and I honestly don't know anyone else who has been through a similar thing. It's not just for a part of my life but throughout it, right from when I started school to now at university. I notice people in normal and healthy social groups and I seem the eternal outsider. I also realise as long as I am this outsider with practically no social skills I will find it impossible to get a girlfriend.
I can't hold a conversation either, unless it is an academic one in which case I come to dominant the room. I'm described as "cold" and emotionless, yet in a way this is nothing but a psychological self-defense mechanism. It's not even that big an issue for me, I don't "need" people as much as most and seem to enjoy speaking to myself most, being very introverted. I'm not so much interested in what I "can do", as it all seems to involve a process of continous self evaluation. Unfortunately I have a throughly disorganised mind and would be unable to do this, besides my general awkward demeanour, attitudes and even gait seem to make change harder anyway. I'm more looking to see if anyone else has had this experience and if anyone can offer analysis as to why? When I asked originally "how do you make friends" I'm not looking for how I could necessarily rather how others do so as to understand why I don't - if that makes sense.
I hope I'm not coming across as moaning because I am well aware that others at this board have far more serious issues, but it is a resource to be used.