Boyfriend needs help with uni and things....

Hi I'm posting this on the behalf of my boyfriend because he needs help quickly. This is quite complicated so where do I start?

Basically he started a Business course at Uni in September and soon realised that it wasn't the course for him. The only reason he chose it is because his ex told him to do it. He now knows that his interests lie in English and writing so is currently working on transferring to study journalism next year. He doesn't have enough UCAS points to transfer to English Studies so that’s the next best option.

However, there is something that is getting in the way of him doing it, his introverted personality. He told me he feels on edge when he's around people and he is generally a very shy person, doesn't like talking to people about his problems. He has a low self-esteem and lacks confidence. He also suffers from anxiety.

He stopped going to lectures and seminars about 2 months ago and hasn't done anything about it. He's basically delaying everything. I've told him to hurry up otherwise; he'll miss his chances for the course next year. I've also told him to go and see someone at uni because they will be able to tell him exactly how to get around this problem and how to go about transferring. They will also be able to make him feel better. However, he is scared about actually going to see anyone. He thinks he's strange because he's 20, an adult, so should easily be able to sort out his problems.

He really needs help but doesn't know how to go about it. I am concerned for him and really want to support him through this. I really care for him and want him to be happy. It's just he's not making any move to get it all sorted. I know how he feels because I used to be very shy with low-self esteem and no confidence but since starting my job and going to uni, I've come out of my shell.

Reply 1

Angelil

19

He needs to ask himself: how much does he want to do journalism? Is uni really for him? If he answers in the affirmative then that should be a sign for him to get off his butt and achieve it, rather than expecting it to be handed to him on a plate. If uni/journalism aren't for him then he should get out and do a job that he's really interested in.
He sounds very passive. I mean, doing something just cos your ex told you to?! Come on!!! He needs to start being active, and if he feels that social problems are getting in the way of him being active, then he should start seeing a counsellor in order to get to the root of these problems, otherwise nothing will ever happen and he will regret it.
I'm sorry if that sounds too critical but it sounds like your boyf needs to get off his butt and do something with himself!!! The desire seems to be there but as far as motivation goes, it sounds as if the lights are on but nobody's home.

Reply 2

Angelil

He needs to ask himself: how much does he want to do journalism? Is uni really for him? If he answers in the affirmative then that should be a sign for him to get off his butt and achieve it, rather than expecting it to be handed to him on a plate. If uni/journalism aren't for him then he should get out and do a job that he's really interested in.
He sounds very passive. I mean, doing something just cos your ex told you to?! Come on!!! He needs to start being active, and if he feels that social problems are getting in the way of him being active, then he should start seeing a counsellor in order to get to the root of these problems, otherwise nothing will ever happen and he will regret it.
I'm sorry if that sounds too critical but it sounds like your boyf needs to get off his butt and do something with himself!!! The desire seems to be there but as far as motivation goes, it sounds as if the lights are on but nobody's home.

I asked him if he really wanted to do be at uni because of his lack of motivation. He said yes very much, it is what he wants. At the moment he is going through a hard time with uni and everything. He did say to me that I'd be better off with another boyfriend who was actually in uni and had a job because of all this trouble. He thinks its un-fair on me. I'm wanting to help him, its just very stressful and complicated, at the moment I've got exams which is making it more stressful.

Reply 3

He said that he's going to just get the transfer forms sent off. However, hes got to get a reference from a tutor and it won't be any good because he hasn't been going to class. He still doesn't want to see his tutor so he can explain why he hasn't been going to class. He tried e-mailing her but she didn't reply. How do I explain to him that seeing someone in person is the best way to sort out complicated problems like this? How can he get over the fear of talking to her? It seems quite silly in my opinion.

Reply 4

chocmonster

1

i agree that its quite silly, he should grow up a bit and figure out what he's going to do with his life if he cant even talk to his tutor. as far as i can tell, you have been really supportive and encouraging so maybe just let him get on with it..if he really wants to change he knows what he has to do!

Reply 5

-TMG-

9

Ugh.

Boyfriend needs help with uni and things....

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