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I miss my boyfriend so much it's killing me D': watch

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    Here is my moment to cry my heart out.

    I'm 23 and in my 1st year at university. It's been a month and a half but I can't study tonight because I am so unhappy about my love life. I've been going out with my boyfriend for over 3 years and before uni I always got to see my boyfriend, stay over his and be naughty and whatever, and up until the day I moved away to uni I was always learning about him and becoming more attached to him than ever. We always had fun, we are soul mates and love each other very much. It's been a month and a half now since I came here, I'm doing a degree in a subject I love and I seem to be doing well so far. We talk on the phone everyday but it just doesn't feel enough, I've been seriously missing him being here with me and holding me and all that mutual physical attention (I'm not only talking about sex here). Although on the topic of sex, I've been craving it like mad since he hasn't been around and that is also making me go nuts.
    Anyway, lately when I talk to him I get very down, depressed and unhappy. There was light talk of him coming up this Sunday and I subconsciously looked forward to it, but a possible day-job he had which could have been a red light turned green so he had to do that, and I feel so upset and alone. Tonight I've been crying for hours since I last spoke to him. It hurts to think I shouldn't talk to him so often. All my family and friends are rooting for me being at uni and want me to do well, and I definitely want to do well because I have been working so hard, yet the situation with not seeing my boyfriend anymore is really killing me. I don't want to lose him. We even spoke about getting married before I came to uni (which is a friggin' long 4 year course btw with one whole year abroad on the other side of the world!!) I had all these fantasies of having kids with him and having a life, but I know that I wouldn't be happy unless I get a degree. I really don't know what to do, I feel so sad. My boyfriend is also going away for 2 months over Christmas so I won't even get to see him much then. He came to see me once for 2 nights about a month ago but it was over so fast and took him 4 hours to get here by car, and he says he wants to come again and can come again, but now I have the huge pressure of intense studying which takes up all my time. I haven't even gone out partying since I've been here because I don't enjoy it anymore and feel safer focusing on my studies. My boyfriend is such a huge part of my life, he is my SOUL MATE. I am so so sad inside because I miss everything we ever did so badly
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    Oh doll. I feel for you.

    Do you think your relationship can go the distance? Do you think it's worth staying together despite the distance? Does he agree?

    If so... Then honey, don't be sad! Be happy! You've found someone you can be real with and feel comfortable thinking longterm with! Rejoice!

    Listen, we all need validation from multiple sources in life to feel authentic fulfilment. Your boyfriend is one element to that. Your friends are another, your course another still. You need a fine balance of all these things to reach your potential.

    If any two people are truly to stay together for their entire lifetime then it makes sense that this will almost inevitable include some period of long distance. You need to re-adjust to being independent. If you can't possibly be happy without him being around then it's possible that you need him too much. I think this will be a valuable learning curve for the both of you that will strengthen the relationship in the bigger picture if you can hack it.

    I know it must be such a shock to the system, but remember that you have your life to live too. When he's not around you can focus your energy on your own development and being the best person you can be across all areas. Will that not draw him to you even more? We all want to be with someone who is self-possessed and can keep their own life and have something to share of themselves.

    I know it's a big change, but life is change. Nothing is guaranteed. Be proud that you've taken that step and have gone to uni towards hopefully a bright career and future. I'm sure it will all fall into place. It's great that you talk everyday and that it sounds like he's prepared to make the sacrifices on his end too to be with you.

    My advice is, don't hold back. Don't punish yourself. Go out, make friends, don't feel guilty for having fun without your fella. This is what you need to do to progress. Allow yourself to be happy all on your own, and give him permission to do the same. You don't need to narrow your world to just him. There's a whole world out there. All you have to do is put one foot in front of the other and if anything, this kind of attitude will keep him wanting more, more more.

    Chin up.
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    This is readjustment. You have experience a long period of time where your boyfriend has been near you almost all of the time. This has all changed and it is natural that you will miss him.

    It is something that you get used to, though that is not to say that it will get easier: you will just get better at dealing with it. Just be careful not to let your upset and general depression at the current situation get the better of you. It would be very easy to start arguing a lot more now.

    Hang on in there but also have fun and be happy.
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    I'm in the same situation - we are 6000 miles and a 9 hour time difference apart, and I am missing the physical side of the relationship like crazy. It's been a month and I would give anything for sex, a cuddle, or just to smell him! The difference is I'm just away for a year. He said he plans to ask me to marry him next year, and if he does I will accept.

    Is there any possibility of him moving to be with you while you study? Even if it is next year, or at some forseeable point in the future? It would make being apart easier - I can see why being away for 4 years would make you feel like this. Maybe he could look for a job in your city. I can deal with a year because I know I'll be back at the end of it - well 2 hours away at uni for my final year at least, which is nothing compared to what we're doing now.

    The one thing I think is most important in this situation, is to find another source of happiness in your life. You are on a degree course that you say you've always wanted to do, so focus on that. Also find friends, a job, a hobby you enjoy, etc. Don't shut yourself away because you feel sad about missing your boyfriend, it only makes you feel worse, and you can't enjoy your life at uni if you don't make an effort to go out and do things.
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    I can advise two things: try not to think about him too much if you can help it cus otherwise you wont get any work done and you will just end up thinking about the pain of missing him, it sucks i know cus im going through a similar situation with my bf. or if you want to, just think about happy/fun times you've had with him or instances in which hes made you laugh, that always helps me.
    secondly (this is a weird one) get a vibrator cus if you need sex but you cant get it, these playtoys help alot and you dont have to feel quilty cus everyone deserves pleasure! hope this weirdly helps
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    (Original post by Digital_Love)
    Here is my moment to cry my heart out.

    I'm 23 and in my 1st year at university. It's been a month and a half but I can't study tonight because I am so unhappy about my love life. I've been going out with my boyfriend for over 3 years and before uni I always got to see my boyfriend, stay over his and be naughty and whatever, and up until the day I moved away to uni I was always learning about him and becoming more attached to him than ever. We always had fun, we are soul mates and love each other very much. It's been a month and a half now since I came here, I'm doing a degree in a subject I love and I seem to be doing well so far. We talk on the phone everyday but it just doesn't feel enough, I've been seriously missing him being here with me and holding me and all that mutual physical attention (I'm not only talking about sex here). Although on the topic of sex, I've been craving it like mad since he hasn't been around and that is also making me go nuts.
    Anyway, lately when I talk to him I get very down, depressed and unhappy. There was light talk of him coming up this Sunday and I subconsciously looked forward to it, but a possible day-job he had which could have been a red light turned green so he had to do that, and I feel so upset and alone. Tonight I've been crying for hours since I last spoke to him. It hurts to think I shouldn't talk to him so often. All my family and friends are rooting for me being at uni and want me to do well, and I definitely want to do well because I have been working so hard, yet the situation with not seeing my boyfriend anymore is really killing me. I don't want to lose him. We even spoke about getting married before I came to uni (which is a friggin' long 4 year course btw with one whole year abroad on the other side of the world!!) I had all these fantasies of having kids with him and having a life, but I know that I wouldn't be happy unless I get a degree. I really don't know what to do, I feel so sad. My boyfriend is also going away for 2 months over Christmas so I won't even get to see him much then. He came to see me once for 2 nights about a month ago but it was over so fast and took him 4 hours to get here by car, and he says he wants to come again and can come again, but now I have the huge pressure of intense studying which takes up all my time. I haven't even gone out partying since I've been here because I don't enjoy it anymore and feel safer focusing on my studies. My boyfriend is such a huge part of my life, he is my SOUL MATE. I am so so sad inside because I miss everything we ever did so badly


    ive not read other post so excuse me if im repeating
    im 20.
    me and met when we were 12 and became good friends. we started going out when we were 18.
    we've now been together 2 n a bit years.
    now im assuming, from the 4 years and year abroad you are doing languages?
    About a month/2months after we started going out i went to uni at Salford (manchester) and he stayed home (essex/cambridgeshire area)
    now i know 2 months doesnt sound long but we saw eachother everyday and were pretty much inseparable.
    it was hard because he was at college during the week, and working both days at the weekend.
    we practically lived on skype and he visited when he could and although we missed eachother there was never a problem (eventhough we argue more when we're apart)
    n he did everything he could to make it easier (e.g. when my house mate started being really horrible to me i got quite upset, so after work that sunday he drove the 3.5 - 4hrs it takes to get to manchester to see me, even though he had to leave again at 3 am to be back at home in time for college on the monday)
    that summer we went back to seeing eachother everyday which was obviously awesome
    and year 2 he started uni at stafford - an hour on the train! which was again awesome
    but going back to not seeing eachother everyday was hard again...
    and i got a wee bit jealous when he was havign fun beign a fresher and i was stuck under books!
    but we managed
    now im in my third year
    im in paris.
    im going to be here for 6 months. then im going to italy for 6 months
    mean this year we went get to spend summer together. and ive only got a week for xmas...
    its tough
    i miss him
    he misses me
    occasionally i get upset
    occasionally he gets upset
    but when we see eachother its brilliant

    my point is yes its hard
    but its worth it
    and (its gonna sound horrible but i dont mean it in a bad way) it gets easier
    you learn to work around
    it feels hard at first but honestly it really does get easier.
    so just try to stay positive
    and good luck on your course
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    Stop being so damn clingy
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    I'm glad you have such a great relationship, try to see this as an oppurtunity to make it stronger.

    And don't make him the centre of your universe, it's important to have some independence in a healthy relationship.
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    (Original post by minniiee)
    ive not read other post so excuse me if im repeating
    im 20.
    me and met when we were 12 and became good friends. we started going out when we were 18.
    we've now been together 2 n a bit years.
    now im assuming, from the 4 years and year abroad you are doing languages?
    About a month/2months after we started going out i went to uni at Salford (manchester) and he stayed home (essex/cambridgeshire area)
    now i know 2 months doesnt sound long but we saw eachother everyday and were pretty much inseparable.
    it was hard because he was at college during the week, and working both days at the weekend.
    we practically lived on skype and he visited when he could and although we missed eachother there was never a problem (eventhough we argue more when we're apart)
    n he did everything he could to make it easier (e.g. when my house mate started being really horrible to me i got quite upset, so after work that sunday he drove the 3.5 - 4hrs it takes to get to manchester to see me, even though he had to leave again at 3 am to be back at home in time for college on the monday)
    that summer we went back to seeing eachother everyday which was obviously awesome
    and year 2 he started uni at stafford - an hour on the train! which was again awesome
    but going back to not seeing eachother everyday was hard again...
    and i got a wee bit jealous when he was havign fun beign a fresher and i was stuck under books!
    but we managed
    now im in my third year
    im in paris.
    im going to be here for 6 months. then im going to italy for 6 months
    mean this year we went get to spend summer together. and ive only got a week for xmas...
    its tough
    i miss him
    he misses me
    occasionally i get upset
    occasionally he gets upset
    but when we see eachother its brilliant

    my point is yes its hard
    but its worth it
    and (its gonna sound horrible but i dont mean it in a bad way) it gets easier
    you learn to work around
    it feels hard at first but honestly it really does get easier.
    so just try to stay positive
    and good luck on your course
    Sorry OT, but what course are you doing? 6 months in Paris and then 6 months in Italy sounds golden.
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    (Original post by merryhappy)
    Sorry OT, but what course are you doing? 6 months in Paris and then 6 months in Italy sounds golden.
    whats ot?
    and im doing joint honours modern langs: french & italian
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    (Original post by minniiee)
    whats ot?
    and im doing joint honours modern langs: french & italian
    Off topic. How the heck does your brain comprehend two new languages?? Kudos to you, kudos!!
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    So many language students here! I'm on my year abroad in Japan at the moment. Despite being so far away from my boyfriend, I am having the best time of my life. It's not the end of the world.
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    (Original post by merryhappy)
    Off topic. How the heck does your brain comprehend two new languages?? Kudos to you, kudos!!
    haha thanks!
    if its any consolation i do mix them up! lol
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    (Original post by Digital_Love)
    Here is my moment to cry my heart out.

    I'm 23 and in my 1st year at university. It's been a month and a half but I can't study tonight because I am so unhappy about my love life. I've been going out with my boyfriend for over 3 years and before uni I always got to see my boyfriend, stay over his and be naughty and whatever, and up until the day I moved away to uni I was always learning about him and becoming more attached to him than ever. We always had fun, we are soul mates and love each other very much. It's been a month and a half now since I came here, I'm doing a degree in a subject I love and I seem to be doing well so far. We talk on the phone everyday but it just doesn't feel enough, I've been seriously missing him being here with me and holding me and all that mutual physical attention (I'm not only talking about sex here). Although on the topic of sex, I've been craving it like mad since he hasn't been around and that is also making me go nuts.
    Anyway, lately when I talk to him I get very down, depressed and unhappy. There was light talk of him coming up this Sunday and I subconsciously looked forward to it, but a possible day-job he had which could have been a red light turned green so he had to do that, and I feel so upset and alone. Tonight I've been crying for hours since I last spoke to him. It hurts to think I shouldn't talk to him so often. All my family and friends are rooting for me being at uni and want me to do well, and I definitely want to do well because I have been working so hard, yet the situation with not seeing my boyfriend anymore is really killing me. I don't want to lose him. We even spoke about getting married before I came to uni (which is a friggin' long 4 year course btw with one whole year abroad on the other side of the world!!) I had all these fantasies of having kids with him and having a life, but I know that I wouldn't be happy unless I get a degree. I really don't know what to do, I feel so sad. My boyfriend is also going away for 2 months over Christmas so I won't even get to see him much then. He came to see me once for 2 nights about a month ago but it was over so fast and took him 4 hours to get here by car, and he says he wants to come again and can come again, but now I have the huge pressure of intense studying which takes up all my time. I haven't even gone out partying since I've been here because I don't enjoy it anymore and feel safer focusing on my studies. My boyfriend is such a huge part of my life, he is my SOUL MATE. I am so so sad inside because I miss everything we ever did so badly
    Grow up. You've come on here to attention seek, if you miss your boyfriend - phone him.
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    you will survive
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    What would make you happier would be if you made your boyfriend happier - focus on your studies and on your relationship but keep it balanced - your boyfriend will be happy for you that you have a degree and that you are doing what you want to and enjoy doing - also looking at your messagfe he clearly loves you very much because you not seeing him that regularly and him still being with you does mean something very special and someone who doesn't love you enough would say that they missed you too much and leave where as someone who really loves you will still love you no matter what happens to you whether it's sickness, health, distance... overall he really loves you - I am going through an identical process although my boyfriends landlord wants to charge me an extortionate amount of money to stay with my boyfriend- I would just go for the day but he loves hours away - I used to go every weekend but then his landlord turned evil and he is waiting to move house so we can see each other more regularly (proves he'd move for me) but still close to work so it would be a weekend thing and then when I finish my degree I would move closer or love with him. Hope that helped and now you see that you are not the only ones going through something despite yours being harder than mine -there will always be a point or two where there will be difficulties in relationships and some of them come earlier or later and regular or not
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    (Original post by jack444)
    What would make you happier would be if you made your boyfriend happier - focus on your studies and on your relationship but keep it balanced - your boyfriend will be happy for you that you have a degree and that you are doing what you want to and enjoy doing - also looking at your messagfe he clearly loves you very much because you not seeing him that regularly and him still being with you does mean something very special and someone who doesn't love you enough would say that they missed you too much and leave where as someone who really loves you will still love you no matter what happens to you whether it's sickness, health, distance... overall he really loves you - I am going through an identical process although my boyfriends landlord wants to charge me an extortionate amount of money to stay with my boyfriend- I would just go for the day but he loves hours away - I used to go every weekend but then his landlord turned evil and he is waiting to move house so we can see each other more regularly (proves he'd move for me) but still close to work so it would be a weekend thing and then when I finish my degree I would move closer or love with him. Hope that helped and now you see that you are not the only ones going through something despite yours being harder than mine -there will always be a point or two where there will be difficulties in relationships and some of them come earlier or later and regular or not
    Do you realize this thread is nearly 2 years old?
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    :confused: i dont know what is this what i feel i am going to crazy i dont know nothing i just want friend iam crying when i am alone but when i am togther him i wanna to flying in sky ...... but we have much distince i catn afford this i am happy to dsead without him............................. .....
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    (Original post by Digital_Love)
    Here is my moment to cry my heart out.

    I'm 23 and in my 1st year at university. It's been a month and a half but I can't study tonight because I am so unhappy about my love life. I've been going out with my boyfriend for over 3 years and before uni I always got to see my boyfriend, stay over his and be naughty and whatever, and up until the day I moved away to uni I was always learning about him and becoming more attached to him than ever. We always had fun, we are soul mates and love each other very much. It's been a month and a half now since I came here, I'm doing a degree in a subject I love and I seem to be doing well so far. We talk on the phone everyday but it just doesn't feel enough, I've been seriously missing him being here with me and holding me and all that mutual physical attention (I'm not only talking about sex here). Although on the topic of sex, I've been craving it like mad since he hasn't been around and that is also making me go nuts.
    Anyway, lately when I talk to him I get very down, depressed and unhappy. There was light talk of him coming up this Sunday and I subconsciously looked forward to it, but a possible day-job he had which could have been a red light turned green so he had to do that, and I feel so upset and alone. Tonight I've been crying for hours since I last spoke to him. It hurts to think I shouldn't talk to him so often. All my family and friends are rooting for me being at uni and want me to do well, and I definitely want to do well because I have been working so hard, yet the situation with not seeing my boyfriend anymore is really killing me. I don't want to lose him. We even spoke about getting married before I came to uni (which is a friggin' long 4 year course btw with one whole year abroad on the other side of the world!!) I had all these fantasies of having kids with him and having a life, but I know that I wouldn't be happy unless I get a degree. I really don't know what to do, I feel so sad. My boyfriend is also going away for 2 months over Christmas so I won't even get to see him much then. He came to see me once for 2 nights about a month ago but it was over so fast and took him 4 hours to get here by car, and he says he wants to come again and can come again, but now I have the huge pressure of intense studying which takes up all my time. I haven't even gone out partying since I've been here because I don't enjoy it anymore and feel safer focusing on my studies. My boyfriend is such a huge part of my life, he is my SOUL MATE. I am so so sad inside because I miss everything we ever did so badly
    and now you will be leaving uni! how did everything work out?? i feel like I've got the the end of a book and the last pages are ripped out
 
 
 
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