Hot and Cold

Why don't you ask one of your friends to ask her what the deal is (ie if she likes you or not)? You need to know how she feels. May be she doesn't like you, may be she's just being friendly. I can be like that sometimes.

Firstly, as JackO said, you do write really well. Good on ya for that.

Hmm.. difficult question really. Though, I'd say I might behave in a similar way to her in certain situations. Let's assume I liked this guy that "wasn't in my league" I probably wouldn't want everyone to know about it. So, I'd act friendly toward the guy, maybe even try to drop a few hints to him and/or his friends, I might've also told one or two of my best friends. But, in a group of people or when there are loads of other people around who I don't know but they go to the same class or something (eg. out at a bar or other social event), I might not want to make it too obvious that I like this guy, so I wouldn't be too friendly toward him at that time.
Does that make sense?

As for the stuff she's said about 'depth', I don't know what she means. If I said something like that, I would hope the guy understood that I want more from him than just good looks and the generally being nice. "More" meaning a good friendship and someone that's fun to be with all around.
Hope that helps.

Any more questions, just ask!

This probably is going to sound mean about her, but she actually is very conscious of her friends' perceptions about a lot of things. Then again - I'd like to think that liking me wouldn't be the very worst thing she could do socially!

[I'm posting anonymously just in case anyone I know reads this - it's not "in the open" yet].

I'm at University in my first year. There's a girl here who I have got to know quite well over the course of the first term; our respective flats used to spend a lot of time together (slightly less this second term though). She is not flirty as such, but she's one of those people who just makes you feel amazing when she gives you any attention (this is something my friends agree with) - not to mention she is beautiful and intelligent. We always got on well last term and this term she is taking the same module as me and now and then after lectures she pops back to my room and ends up staying for a few hours. We chat about all sorts and have quite a few things in common. Recently, after these chats, she has started saying I should "come over later" because she'll be bored. I can't even begin to explain what it's like when she gives you attention; it's as though you're the only guy in the world and she's ridiculously happy to be in your company. From the three guys in my flat who visit her flat a lot she has started saying I'm her favourite - which is great... but... read on.

You're probably thinking "well, what's the problem?". The thing is, she can also show the most crushing levels of indifference. It's not the case that she's directly horrible, it's more as though I am barely noticeable to her at times. Also, as fishing-for-compliments as it may sound, I am not entirely sure why she would be interested in me. We were out the other night and dancing sort of as a group, she barely looked at me and spent the entire night with her girlfriends. I can understand that, but surely if she liked me there would be more effort somehow? Also there have been a few snippets of conversation she's had when I've been around which have made me think. First she said she's not good at commitment - which might explain things a little. Secondly she does make the odd reference to me (in a group with my mates) as a friend. Thirdly she said someone being attractive and a "nice guy" is not enough - there has to be some depth. What does this mean; what sort of stuff? When we chat it's about all sorts, from our subject to politics, to art, to lighter things, but I am not sure if that's the sort of thing.

So yes, as the title suggests, she is very much hot and cold. Never overtly interested in anything other than friendship and never horrible - just enigmatic. It's hard to judge over the internet I expect, but could anyone give any advice on this? What makes a girl act like this? Oh and btw, I should add, I would say that this girl is quite out of my league - not ridiculously so, but certainly she could get someone "better".

I'm also not sure what my next move should/would be. I wish I knew how she felt. At the moment I am thinking I will just wait and see how things develop. One of her good friends asked my best mate whether I liked her (he does know - one of the few people I've told, but asked not to tell others) and he said he wasn't sure and asked if the girl liked me. The answer was neither yes nor no. The lack of negative is good, but it's not positive as such.

Anyway, any comments would be interesting to read. I don't normally fall for girls quite this way so it's a little confusing.

[I'm posting anonymously just in case anyone I know reads this - it's not "in the open" yet].

I'm at University in my first year. There's a girl here who I have got to know quite well over the course of the first term; our respective flats used to spend a lot of time together (slightly less this second term though). She is not flirty as such, but she's one of those people who just makes you feel amazing when she gives you any attention (this is something my friends agree with) - not to mention she is beautiful and intelligent. We always got on well last term and this term she is taking the same module as me and now and then after lectures she pops back to my room and ends up staying for a few hours. We chat about all sorts and have quite a few things in common. Recently, after these chats, she has started saying I should "come over later" because she'll be bored. I can't even begin to explain what it's like when she gives you attention; it's as though you're the only guy in the world and she's ridiculously happy to be in your company. From the three guys in my flat who visit her flat a lot she has started saying I'm her favourite - which is great... but... read on.

You're probably thinking "well, what's the problem?". The thing is, she can also show the most crushing levels of indifference. It's not the case that she's directly horrible, it's more as though I am barely noticeable to her at times. Also, as fishing-for-compliments as it may sound, I am not entirely sure why she would be interested in me. We were out the other night and dancing sort of as a group, she barely looked at me and spent the entire night with her girlfriends. I can understand that, but surely if she liked me there would be more effort somehow? Also there have been a few snippets of conversation she's had when I've been around which have made me think. First she said she's not good at commitment - which might explain things a little. Secondly she does make the odd reference to me (in a group with my mates) as a friend. Thirdly she said someone being attractive and a "nice guy" is not enough - there has to be some depth. What does this mean; what sort of stuff? When we chat it's about all sorts, from our subject to politics, to art, to lighter things, but I am not sure if that's the sort of thing.

So yes, as the title suggests, she is very much hot and cold. Never overtly interested in anything other than friendship and never horrible - just enigmatic. It's hard to judge over the internet I expect, but could anyone give any advice on this? What makes a girl act like this? Oh and btw, I should add, I would say that this girl is quite out of my league - not ridiculously so, but certainly she could get someone "better".

I'm also not sure what my next move should/would be. I wish I knew how she felt. At the moment I am thinking I will just wait and see how things develop. One of her good friends asked my best mate whether I liked her (he does know - one of the few people I've told, but asked not to tell others) and he said he wasn't sure and asked if the girl liked me. The answer was neither yes nor no. The lack of negative is good, but it's not positive as such.

Anyway, any comments would be interesting to read. I don't normally fall for girls quite this way so it's a little confusing.

Starya - it's interesting what you said about wanting to keep it quiet (regardless of the guy). Would it stop you going out with a person you actually quite liked? I don't understand why you wouldn't want people to know...