How to help someone who's feeling miserable...

I need some help right now, this is really starting to get to me.
My boyfriend is at uni, and hating it, he hates the course though, his social life is ok. He's struggling through exams at the moment, but is fairly certain that he wants to drop out.
I'm trying to be nice, and support him. Granted, I don't really know much about being at uni (I'm still in sixth form) so I don't know how much help I can be. Still, no matter what I say, it seems to be the wrong thing. He gets snappy, and accuses me of trying to act like his shrink. I then try and talk about something else, but it doesn't seem to last very long.
He's also kind of stopped being affectionate. I sent him a parcel about a week ago, with random little presents in it. He didn't even thank me for it... He did tell me it was very very nice, and that he liked it a lot - but he only said all that, when I asked him it it had actually arrived...
I love him very very much and I want to help, but right now it feels like he's pushing me away. Part of me wonders if he is fed up with me, or if he's trying to push me away to give himself even more to worry about. He tends to get anxious/ worried a lot, but since I've been going out with him (over a year) he's never seemed to get this annoyed at me...

Anybody been in a similar situation, any advice?
I know there probably isn't much I can do, other than wait for it to pass. It just feels good to write all this, because I don't feel able to talk to my friends about it, and although when my boyfriend has calmed down a bit, I'm sure that things will get back to normal - its really getting me down now :frown:

Sorry for rambling, thank you to anyone who's bothered to read this all the way through :biggrin:

Also I'm sorry for using the anonymous feature - but there are many people at my school who know my user name, and I'd rather them not realise this is from me.

Reply 1

phantom

2

hes probably having a rough time at uni and is under lots of stress, just give him space and time to think things through without putting any extra pressure on him through trying to find out whats wrong etc as this is obviously annoying him

Reply 2

parsleythelion

1

Don't feel that you're doing anything wrong. It's incredibly frustrating when the people you love have problems that you can't sort out for them. Just keep being there for him and let him work it out for himself.

:hugs:

(Look after yourself too)

Reply 3

Fleece

15

i sympathise...it's pretty much what im going through at the minute. i dont really know what to say tho cos i havent figured it out yet either :-\

Reply 4

Raspberry

Is it you who brings up the subject of uni etc when he gets snappy? If so it might be because he's trying really hard not to think about it too much, and you reminding him gets him upset. Maybe you could let him know that you're there if he wants to talk, but try not to bring it up too often, that way it's up too him.

I'd try not to worry about the parcel, it kinda sounds like he just forgot to mention it cos he's under so much stress. Also perhaps you could try to say (in a nice way) that you know he's under pressure but it isn't really okay for him to snap at you when you're only trying to help.

Hope it all works out for you :smile:

Reply 5

IzzTheGreat

10

Aww, I know it isn't easy. I was really snappish with my boyfriend (ex) while I was doing A-levels because he was constantly mentioning my work and how I should be doing more. I know it's a different situation because he was actually at uni but I got so fed up with him telling me what to do.
I thin the best thing you can do is back off a little bit, wait for him to come to you. If it carries on tell him firmly but nicely that he's out of order - it doesn';t sound like you deserve to be hurt like this!

Reply 6

Thank you all, very nice to get some constructive advice. The best my mum was able to say was 'dump him, he's no good for you anyway'. Thank you to everyone who's said they've experienced similar things, and to all those who've wished me well :smile:

Hopefully things will work out ok, he's coming back home in a week, so I should get to spend some time with him then. In the meantime, I'll just have to do what I can to be supportive :smile:

xxx

How to help someone who's feeling miserable...

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