Feel like Im ruining a good thing with a great guy, please help?

Okay, so last year was the worst year of my life. I ended up falling for a really close friend and I think he fell for me too - but, just as things were growing between perfectly between us, he had an accident and died.

I ended up steering clear of anything romantic after that, and just put all of the grief for that year into focusing completely on studies instead - which paid off, I got brilliant marks. But I was still really hurting, and missing him.

Fast forward to now, and I've met this great guy. I was attracted to him before, and first met him months after my previous guy died - but was in no frame of mind for dating. However, he asked me out and we've been dating for a couple of months now. It's the happiest I've been in ages, we see eachother, stay over together, and just have a great time together. But I think I might be falling for him, as the closer we've been getting the more scared I've got and recently...I've been picking stupid fights over small things :confused:

Which just isn't me. I think where at a stage where we've been dating, and now (he says the ball's in my court), it could become more.

Lately, I've been feeling almost like I'm betraying my previous guy, though I know he'd just want me to be happy. Moreover, I've lost nearly all motivation for uni work and just want to see this guy all the time because he's made me feel something that I haven't felt in so long. But then I sometimes end up snapping at him. I'm trying to pinpoint what's wrong but it's difficult and I could do with some perspective :frown:

? Feeling quite lost.

Anyone...at all...

You don't want the new guy to die on you. Seems simple. You push him away so you can't really lose him so to speak.

Reply 3

Anonymous #1

Original post by Studentus-anonymous

You don't want the new guy to die on you. Seems simple. You push him away so you can't really lose him so to speak.

Wow. Yeah, it seems simple but to me, wasn't.

I think you're right and I am pushing him away...eg. I feel bad about giving him a hard time lately(obviously in an effort to push him away), so have now decided to start seeing him less for a while. I almost feel out of control with my emotions, because my feelings for this guy are intensifying so much I'm starting to feel really vulnerable with him and at the same time bringing up all the old worries. I don't know what to do.

And thanks for your response.

Reply 4

Meteorshower

You should speak to him about this. If you admit that you're scared of being this close again to someone, whether on a concious level or not, and you may well find it an incredibly cathartic experience.

Reply 5

TheBritishBloke

This isn't quite the same, but recently my best friend passed away over a week where I wasn't here, which was even more of a shock.

But since then, I've just wanted to be with my close friends, and I did get emotional (of course). Me and this girl I've been close to for years got really drunk the night after his funeral (everyone started drinking at the wake) and made out. My brain can't figure anything else, but I have my times where I really want to be around people I'm close to, and less-so the times where I just want to be on my own.

I don't think I'll ever be as close to someone as I was to my best friend, and I'm guessing that's how you're feeling in this relationship; it's perfectly normal. Just explain to him about it all and say that it's bringing up memories etc.

Reply 6

Anonymous #1

Original post by TheBritishBloke

I'm sorry about your friend. And for you.

I talked to him. Explained it all and he was quite taken aback at first...but then really supportive.

Yeah, I do feel that way. But what can I say? I don't think I'll ever be as close to someone as I was to him (ie. you)? I'm finding it so difficult just now because this guy was always my rock, and I'm going to through a particularly stressful time.

I think it's difficult because a) I hate to admit that I still sort of wish I was embarking on a relationship with him (and I hate to say that), and b) because I'm scared of losing someone I care about that much again.