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My friend leads guys on by accident watch

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    Hi,

    Some of you may remember I made a thread a few weeks back about how this girl lead me on and then suddenly told me she wasn't interested, I got replies saying I had broken the sexual tension etc.

    The girl in question said she did have feelings for me in the past but wasn't sure what happened, anyway thats irrelevant.

    It all started when I found out my friend Adam who I met through her told me she had lead him on saying that there could possibly be something.
    This was when I started to realise my friend was leading people on without knowing it because she told me on MSN before that time that she wasn't interested in Adam.
    Anyway so I told Adam she was leading him on and he should forget about it.

    I wasn't 100% sure my friend was leading guys on at this point so didn't say anything but after talking to her some more I decided it was true so told her everything I had assumed to this point. That she lead guys on because she found it hard to not flirt back with guys, and this means going past just being flirtacious.

    After some flirting she said to me she wanted me sexually etc and if she wasn't with Steve she would be with me- This is the extent to which she was leading me and perhaps other guys on.

    My analysis was that she was leading guys on because she worries about losing them as friends and thinks if she doesn't flirt back she might lose the guy in question as her friend/ he might like her less.
    Maybe she also likes the attenion too but obviously won't admit this to herself although I am not sure on this at all I may be wrong on this point.

    Anyway I only have a limited understanding of social interaction so my advice to her was simply be very concious of your social interactions with guys and try and make sure you don't lead them on.

    Although I really find it difficult to explain to her what crossing the line is in terms of leading a guy on, it's easy enough for me to not cross the line because its just a natural understanding for me but I can't seem to explain it.

    Just to make this clear my friend has asked me for advice on this I am not forcing it upon her, would really appreciate advice to give her thanks.
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    leading a guy on stops at flirting. after that, it's seducing the guy. anything to do with sexual wanting is seduction and lust. it's not good to do that to a guy if she's not planning to go anywhere near a relationship with a guy or his genitals. I'm surprised, she "can't help flirting". there is no such thing as "can't help" something. EVERYTHING can be helped...people just don't try hard enough
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    She needs to change her behaviour. One day she might not have such understanding friends/paramours and some blokes don't like a dicktease.

    She sounds a bit screwy tbh. Run away!
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    Telling someone you want them "sexually" and that you would be with them if you weren't with anyone else isn't really accidental. She probably does realise she's leading others on, but maybe her niceness (or the attention seeking part of her brain) gets the better of her and she feels she has to flirt/lead others on in order not to hurt their feelings. I think a lot of girls do this. They tell a guy they really like them, they're amazing etc. but for whatever real or made up reason they say they can't be with them.

    As far as advice goes, maybe you can tell her she doesn't need to be flirty in order to keep her male friends, unless she really likes them. Oh, and that leading others on with no intention of being with them may be more hurtful to them in the long run than making it clear from the beggining that you're just friends.
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    (Original post by PaperMoon)
    As far as advice goes, maybe you can tell her she doesn't need to be flirty in order to keep her male friends, unless she really likes them. Oh, and that leading others on with no intention of being with them may be more hurtful to them in the long run than making it clear from the beggining that you're just friends.
    This is basically the advice I gave her too. I guess I was hoping it was more complicated than this but maybe it isn't.

    I was also hoping that this was somewhat accidental behaviour but as another reply pointed out her actions were so forthcoming they could not have been accidental.
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    This type sounds familiar - I know a similar girl. It can be due to emotional unfulfilment - their bf or closest male friend may be wonderful but have something missing, and find it in someone else (e.g. if her boyfriend is wonderful, loyal caring, etc. but not passionate or sexually uninhibited, and someone else is much more open about being passionate). Then they will do all they can to keep both happy and sustain the relationships, e.g. with statements such as "I want to be with you, but I'm with so and so"...sounds very familiar, and often the "I want" part is what leads guys on with hope. It can also be linked to insecurities, and like you say, without being flirtatious, they may feel that it would expose their true insecurities within 'normal' friend interaction.
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    (Original post by Sabre)
    Hi,

    Some of you may remember I made a thread a few weeks back about how this girl lead me on and then suddenly told me she wasn't interested, I got replies saying I had broken the sexual tension etc.

    The girl in question said she did have feelings for me in the past but wasn't sure what happened, anyway thats irrelevant.

    It all started when I found out my friend Adam who I met through her told me she had lead him on saying that there could possibly be something.
    This was when I started to realise my friend was leading people on without knowing it because she told me on MSN before that time that she wasn't interested in Adam.
    Anyway so I told Adam she was leading him on and he should forget about it.

    I wasn't 100% sure my friend was leading guys on at this point so didn't say anything but after talking to her some more I decided it was true so told her everything I had assumed to this point. That she lead guys on because she found it hard to not flirt back with guys, and this means going past just being flirtacious.

    After some flirting she said to me she wanted me sexually etc and if she wasn't with Steve she would be with me- This is the extent to which she was leading me and perhaps other guys on.

    My analysis was that she was leading guys on because she worries about losing them as friends and thinks if she doesn't flirt back she might lose the guy in question as her friend/ he might like her less.
    Maybe she also likes the attenion too but obviously won't admit this to herself although I am not sure on this at all I may be wrong on this point.

    Anyway I only have a limited understanding of social interaction so my advice to her was simply be very concious of your social interactions with guys and try and make sure you don't lead them on.

    Although I really find it difficult to explain to her what crossing the line is in terms of leading a guy on, it's easy enough for me to not cross the line because its just a natural understanding for me but I can't seem to explain it.

    Just to make this clear my friend has asked me for advice on this I am not forcing it upon her, would really appreciate advice to give her thanks.

    why does she need any advice? theres nothing wrong with what your friend is doing. The chase is always a fun bit!
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    yeah quit your whining YEESH
 
 
 
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