Blanking someone you've broken up with

When someone breaks up with you, you usually get a little chance to understand why they did: at least in my experience. Even if they're not very forthcoming, you can always manage to talk to them if they don't live too far away.

Say you met a girl who lived faraway who you really liked and after seeing her a few times, she told you she was ending things and gave no explanation. Say this is a girl you've fallen for, someone really special, the kind you're not likely to meet again (and you know that for a fact).

Girls, would you do such a thing? Why would you?

Guys, how would you react? Just give up despite the fact you've really fallen for this girl?

Reply 1

Anonymous #1

OP

I should also mention "assume you started a 'relationship' with her quite early" but it hadn't materialised into anything official. At least you hadn't had the opportunity to talk about it.

Reply 2

Eien

16

She may have realised that she in fact did not want to be with you, but you may have been intimate previously as she was undecided at that time. Some may not communicate this train of thought at all, which can be taken as completely inexplicable by the other party, unless a certain impression was given. Also, the attitude that "she's a type you will never see again" is not true. One will inevitably feel this way initially, perhaps it is due to the fact that a bond so rare has been broken, and one feels that recreating it may never happen. However, you will find that once you are free from the mental prison of loving somebody you can't have, that mentality disappears entirely.
Advice? I would say, make it known that you wish to know why she leaves - if there is a specific reason, you will most likely know, if not, and she doesn't really give a satisfactory answer, then it is likely that she no longer feels attracted to you - which seems possible given the description of the relationship. Some people just don't say "sorry I'm not attracted to you", or "I only like you as a friend". However, although you should not be too passive, DO NOT try to contact her whenever possible and cling onto her like you inevitably want to, otherwise it will push her further away.

Reply 3

Anonymous #1

OP

Eien

Advice? I would say, make it known that you wish to know why she leaves - if there is a specific reason, you will most likely know, if not, and she doesn't really give a satisfactory answer, then it is likely that she no longer feels attracted to you -

Well I wish she'd shown that she wasn't attracted any longer when I was actually with her, one day before sending me that text. She was still sleeping with me.

Reply 4

Eien

16

Anonymous

Well I wish she'd shown that she wasn't attracted any longer when I was actually with her, one day before sending me that text. She was still sleeping with me.

Yes..unfortunately some people aren't like that, and may not realise how they make the other feel, especially if it wasn't after a long term relationship.

Reply 5

e11even

10

People are strange that way. Love isn't as easy or straightforward as it may seem. She may still love you, but girls tend to analyse things a lot. Sometimes a little too much for their own good. Maybe she doesn't see things your way? It isn't only emotions that are involved in a strong relationship. And I'm sure you know that. Maybe she just doesn't see a future with you? Stay as friends, and check up on her once in a while. Who knows? Things might change :smile:

Reply 6

Anonymous #1

OP

e11even

People are strange that way. Love isn't as easy or straightforward as it may seem. She may still love you, but girls tend to analyse things a lot. Sometimes a little too much for their own good. Maybe she doesn't see things your way? It isn't only emotions that are involved in a strong relationship. And I'm sure you know that. Maybe she just doesn't see a future with you? Stay as friends, and check up on her once in a while. Who knows? Things might change :smile:

Not sure about loving me. I would be exaggerating if I said that I was totally in love with her. We met recently and I went to see her a couple of times. I just assumed that if a girl said she wanted to see you again when she knows you're in another country, there must be something there... just potential for something to come out of it, even if it meant things not being too simple. She changed so suddenly when she spoke to her friend but maybe I'm just jumping to conclusions...

I wanted to stay at least friends but when you blank someone out, making sure they can't contact you, are you really leaving the door open for that possibility? I would have accepted her telling me why she didn't want to start anything with me if she could have explained. Why blank someone out like that? Surely you'd realise what you're doing to the other person by doing that. To me, you do that as a form of punishment, not as a way of telling someone you're not into them, especially if you know that they like you a lot.

Reply 7

alio~

9

Can anyone explain this from a guys point of view? Cause a guy did exactly the same with me. Then he started flirting again, now hes blanked me completely.

In answer to the question I think she just finds it hard telling you she doesn't want to carry it on, or else shes thinking things through.

Reply 8

FireDeuce

14

I have done that.
Why? Because I wasn't in love anymore. I needed to get away.

Reply 9

Anonymous #2

I broke up with my ex a week or so ago...there were a lot of reasons behind it which basically broke down to him thinking it "wasn't the right time" to be in a relationship, what with this being our last year before uni.
He was genuinely upset at ending it, and I was devastated, there was a lot of crying on both parts.
We haven't spoken since then, except for one text I sent him saying I was sorry for making him feel like he couldn't come to a party I was at, and him replying saying that he didn't come/talk to me because he didn't think I wanted to talk to him...which I replied to saying I was under the impression HE didn't want to.
And then nothing.
And he hasn't messaged me on MSN since...haven't had the chance to see him in town since then either.
I don't know what to do. I want him back, but he's quite set in his decision...but he's all I think about :frown:

Reply 10

Anonymous #1

OP

FireDeuce

I have done that.
Why? Because I wasn't in love anymore. I needed to get away.

It's amazing how many people think it's acceptable. You've got to realise what someone goes through when you do that to them without explaining anything or giving half an explanation. I'm talking about the case where the person has virtually no way of contacting you, not the case where you break up with your girlfriend/boyfriend down the road, who if she/he wanted to really know what's going on, could confront you physically.

Either be woman/man enough to tell someone the honest truth. When you're not telling someone anything, you're basically saying "I want to break up with you" but also "I don't respect you enough and don't think you deserve the right to know why". In this case, one day I was close to this girl, everything seemed more or less fine, the next I'm told not to bother contacting her again...

Blanking someone you've broken up with

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