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Boyfriend and male friend issues
I've been with my boyfriend for a year and four months and we're engaged.
Although he's always tried his best to get along with my mates and has done so up to now, he's said he won't go on holiday with said mates and myself, because of my male friend in this group. This guy is touchy-feely, and I pretty much see him as one of the girls, but my fella refuses to go on holiday as he'd get too angry with this friend.
I have to admit that I do sometimes feel uncomfortable with this guy, I know he used to fancy me, I don't know if this is still the case or not, and I'm not about to ask, I see him purely as a friend. Even if I weren't head over heels with my boyfriend, there would never be anything more between us, I'm completely unattracted to him. The problem is that because he's so touchy feely and male he does things that I know will annoy my fella, and annoy me, because I don't want it to ever seem as though I'm cheating, especially if his mates see me out on the town. It's nothign sinister, it's just the way he is, hugs a lot, talks a lot about your feelings with you etc, stuff that'd be no problem if he were female.
I'd tell this guy to back off, but I don't want to lose his friendship, he was thre for me when ther was a lot of **** going on in my life, and I know he'll take it badly. He also knows that I'm crazy about my boyfriend, and would nevercheat on him etc.
I just do't know what to do, I can put up with being uncomfortable from time to time, but I don't want it to affect my relationship.
Although he's always tried his best to get along with my mates and has done so up to now, he's said he won't go on holiday with said mates and myself, because of my male friend in this group. This guy is touchy-feely, and I pretty much see him as one of the girls, but my fella refuses to go on holiday as he'd get too angry with this friend.
I have to admit that I do sometimes feel uncomfortable with this guy, I know he used to fancy me, I don't know if this is still the case or not, and I'm not about to ask, I see him purely as a friend. Even if I weren't head over heels with my boyfriend, there would never be anything more between us, I'm completely unattracted to him. The problem is that because he's so touchy feely and male he does things that I know will annoy my fella, and annoy me, because I don't want it to ever seem as though I'm cheating, especially if his mates see me out on the town. It's nothign sinister, it's just the way he is, hugs a lot, talks a lot about your feelings with you etc, stuff that'd be no problem if he were female.
I'd tell this guy to back off, but I don't want to lose his friendship, he was thre for me when ther was a lot of **** going on in my life, and I know he'll take it badly. He also knows that I'm crazy about my boyfriend, and would nevercheat on him etc.
I just do't know what to do, I can put up with being uncomfortable from time to time, but I don't want it to affect my relationship.
Hmmm... I think your boyfriend has a point here to be honest. It's not totally your fault obviously, but I dunno, reverse the situation. If some girl was all over him, and he thought it was fine and didn't fancy her, would you be happy? Considering he's fancied you in the past and still acts like he does, regardless of whether you like him, your boyfriend won't want to be all pally with him.
I think it's the friend you have a problem with, not your boyfriend.
I think it's the friend you have a problem with, not your boyfriend.
Reply 2
This is exactly why I feel uncomfortable about it! I know I wouldn't like it the other way round, I've told him so, but I see no way of telling my friend to back off a bit without really hurting him and possibly losing his friendship! Feels like a catch 22...
Anonymous
This is exactly why I feel uncomfortable about it! I know I wouldn't like it the other way round, I've told him so, but I see no way of telling my friend to back off a bit without really hurting him and possibly losing his friendship! Feels like a catch 22...
He hugs you alot and talks about your feelings with you....bloody hell, he is all over you
Anonymous
This is exactly why I feel uncomfortable about it! I know I wouldn't like it the other way round, I've told him so, but I see no way of telling my friend to back off a bit without really hurting him and possibly losing his friendship! Feels like a catch 22...
Just tell him it's making things tense between your boyfriend, and much as you love him you'd prefer him to be less touchy feely (particularly when your boyfriend's around). If he's a good friend he wouldn't want to cause problems between you and your boyfriend.
Reply 5
cor
He hugs you alot and talks about your feelings with you....bloody hell, he is all over you
he's not just like this with me though, he's like it with his other female friends...
Just tell him it's making things tense between your boyfriend, and much as you like him you'd prefer him to be less touchy feely (particularly when your boyfriend's around). If he's a good friend he wouldn't want to cause problems between you and your boyfriend.
small edit made to a good post
Reply 8
cor
Hugging alot and talking about feelings amounts to pretty much nothing!
it may not be it to you, but it is to my boyfriend and it is to me...
Anonymous
I'd tell this guy to back off, but I don't want to lose his friendship, he was thre for me when ther was a lot of **** going on in my life, and I know he'll take it badly. He also knows that I'm crazy about my boyfriend, and would nevercheat on him etc.
I just do't know what to do, I can put up with being uncomfortable from time to time, but I don't want it to affect my relationship.
I'd tell this guy to back off, but I don't want to lose his friendship, he was thre for me when ther was a lot of **** going on in my life, and I know he'll take it badly. He also knows that I'm crazy about my boyfriend, and would nevercheat on him etc.
I just do't know what to do, I can put up with being uncomfortable from time to time, but I don't want it to affect my relationship.
why? if you both know nothing is ever gonna happen then wheres the problem? unless you do secretly like him or something and are worried that you might go for him at some point?
Other than that, if hes been there for you, dont blank him off because your boyfriend gets a bit funny. Never let anyone dicatate to you who you can be friends with.
also friends are for talking about your feelings to?
Reply 10
I have a male mate very similar to this, I dunno if it makes a difference that he has a girlfriend but even before my boyfriend met him he didn't have a problem with me hanging around with him and he doesn't have a problem now. You seem to be seeing this from the point of veiw that your mate is in the wrong, i see it from the point of veiw that your boyf is in the wrong, ok, i understand that he cares about you and is unhappy with other men touching you, but not being around to see it is not going to make a difference. IF he trusts you then he shouldn;t6 worry oaboit your mate as he would know you are not going to let your mate go to far and as for your mate if he is a good friend he will not try anything knowing how you feel about your boyf.
Reply 11
i know this person as well, and he does mean well and he is a good friend. but he is very touchy feely kind of guy, gets upset if you don't hug him, gets very "self-loathing" if anyone tells him something bad about him. whenever he's out, he's with girls. hasn't had a serious girlfriend, and doesn't always understand relationship issues. yes, friends are there to talk to, and i know the person in question doesn't want to blank her friend. her boyfriend knows it won't go any further, and does trust her 100%, but regardless of the boyfriend, if it's an issue to her, it needs sorting.
Reply 12
Anonymous
i know this person as well, and he does mean well and he is a good friend. but he is very touchy feely kind of guy, gets upset if you don't hug him, gets very "self-loathing" if anyone tells him something bad about him. whenever he's out, he's with girls. hasn't had a serious girlfriend, and doesn't always understand relationship issues. yes, friends are there to talk to, and i know the person in question doesn't want to blank her friend. her boyfriend knows it won't go any further, and does trust her 100%, but regardless of the boyfriend, if it's an issue to her, it needs sorting.
thanks sweets... you explain things so much better than i do!
I made decisions - I need to speak to the fella before I speak to the friend though...
Tbh, im just putting off speaking to the friend...
A similar thing is going on with my boyfriend and a friend of his who's female.
The thing is she used to be my best mate but I stopped that friendship when we left school as she's just a manipulative little b****h! But he doesn't see it! "Oh, she's just a mate"
Anyway, she sends suggestive texts to him etc. and it's really not nice even though I'm not a jealous person.
So I kinda know what your boyfriend might be feeling and it's not nice! You don't want to tell them who to be friends with but want to mean something to them so they will tell this other person to back off!
I'd just talk to your boyfriend about it and try and understand what it would be like if someone was all touchy-feely with him.
If it was me I'd tell him to back off a little. But everyone's circumstances are different.
I'm sure you'll sort it out
The thing is she used to be my best mate but I stopped that friendship when we left school as she's just a manipulative little b****h! But he doesn't see it! "Oh, she's just a mate"
Anyway, she sends suggestive texts to him etc. and it's really not nice even though I'm not a jealous person.
So I kinda know what your boyfriend might be feeling and it's not nice! You don't want to tell them who to be friends with but want to mean something to them so they will tell this other person to back off!
I'd just talk to your boyfriend about it and try and understand what it would be like if someone was all touchy-feely with him.
If it was me I'd tell him to back off a little. But everyone's circumstances are different.
I'm sure you'll sort it out
Reply 14
i am going to tell him. how im not sure yet, but if its making me uncomfortable its a good enough reason to tell him, irregardless of how my bf feels about it...
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