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All my mates are in dating, but I don't want to just "settle" for anyone...Advice? watch

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    Okay, so basically I am still single and have been all my life. The main reason I have been single is because during my teenage years I lost my mum and after my mum died I became reclusive, therefore I lost a few close school friends. Since then I've had trouble meeting new friends in college and even after I finished college. I also had issues with my confidence due to bad acne and being overweight, so It was hard for me to talk to girls and date confidently.

    I am now 23 years old and I am still single. I am still overweight, but my acne is gone and I have clear skin now. My confidence has increased, but I am still lacking confidence due to my body image and my current situation. See I have been unemployed for 2 years, apart from the odd few jobs with my older brother and a couple of odd jobs here and there. But due to being unemployed, overweight, and not having a degree or any worthwhile qualifications, it makes me feel horrible when it comes to dating.

    The thing is, it makes me feel awful because all my friends (apart from 1 or 2 who I don't see regularly) are either in relationships or have just started dating girls. Even a friend of mine who is less outgoing than me has found a girl on a dating website who he's been seeing a few weeks and now they're kind of "in a relationship"

    The thing is, it seems as though people get into relationships just to "settle" for certain people because they need to be in a relationship. I am not desperate to be in a relationship, but I would really like to at least meet some girls and start dating. I am fed up of being single, and now I have little social life because all my mates are dating, so their time is taken up with dating their girls. If I haven't got a social life, how can I meet girls?

    Anyway, be grateful for some advice, thanks.
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    Your biggest barrier to being more confident is your body image. Get on a diet and hit the gym, you're unemployed so it's not like you've got anything else to do. Ask your friend about that dating site he's using, seems to be working for him.
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    (Original post by NS17)
    Your biggest barrier to being more confident is your body image. Get on a diet and hit the gym, you're unemployed so it's not like you've got anything else to do. Ask your friend about that dating site he's using, seems to be working for him.
    it's plenty of fish, but I'm not sure I want to go on a dating site. And what girl is going to want a guy who's unemployed?
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    it's plenty of fish, but I'm not sure I want to go on a dating site. And what girl is going to want a guy who's unemployed?
    The best girlfriend is one that loves you for who you are.

    I wouldn't just settle for someone, as I want to be with a girl that I enjoy spending time with.
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    (Original post by Ben_LiveYourDreams)
    The best girlfriend is one that loves you for who you are.

    I wouldn't just settle for someone, as I want to be with a girl that I enjoy spending time with.
    Yeah I guess, but unfortunately a lot of people are shallow on dating sites. They judge before getting to know the person, which is the way society is these days. And no, I don't want to "settle" because I know a couple of my friends who have done that, and that is definitely not me, I'm not desperate enough to go for someone I am not attracted to or have chemistry with.
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    Yeah I guess, but unfortunately a lot of people are shallow on dating sites. They judge before getting to know the person, which is the way society is these days. And no, I don't want to "settle" because I know a couple of my friends who have done that, and that is definitely not me, I'm not desperate enough to go for someone I am not attracted to or have chemistry with.
    Thats the issue with dating sites, as you can't show your true positives (i.e things like confidence, humour, friendlyness, which all come accross better in person).

    I know it's easier said then done in the current economic climate, but maybe it should encourage you to try and find some work, because that will make you feel more confident.

    What sort of work do you want to do?

    Theres always ways and means to make money in my opinion.
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    (Original post by Ben_LiveYourDreams)
    Thats the issue with dating sites, as you can't show your true positives (i.e things like confidence, humour, friendlyness, which all come accross better in person).

    I know it's easier said then done in the current economic climate, but maybe it should encourage you to try and find some work, because that will make you feel more confident.

    What sort of work do you want to do?

    Theres always ways and means to make money in my opinion.
    To be honest, I really don't know what I want to do. That is the reason I decided against Uni, because I don't know what I wanted to do, and it would've been a waste to have ended up in debt with no real passion for a certain career route. I don't particularly find "trade" jobs that interesting enough to pursue, waiting/bar work isn't really me, plus I wouldn't like to be shouted at if things went wrong, I don't take kindly to being shouted at. I guess I like fitness, Music, different cultures etc, but to be honest, I just want to find any job at the moment. I'm not trying to get a job to make people happy or to impress girls, but coming back to dating sites, I feel that girls may even be shallow over the kind of job I have, you know? This is the reason I haven't tried dating sites. It's really difficult to find work at the moment though, that's the thing. I was thinking of signing up to a dating site and lying about my job for now, just until I get to know the person better, and by then I could say that I lost my job or something. I have money saved up anyway, so taking a girl on dates wouldn't be a problem. The other problem is that I don't have a car (but I am taking lessons at the moment) and this wouldn't look good along with being unemployed, It probably shows lack of motivation to "get up and go" but that's not true, as I am looking hard for work and I'm taking driving lessons. I don't know, maybe I'm holding dating in too high of regards, whereas I should be focusing on myself first. It's just frustrating that my friends are all dating and I'm still single, and looks like I'm going to be single for another Xmas and New Years, which sucks!!
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    Okay, so basically I am still single and have been all my life. The main reason I have been single is because during my teenage years I lost my mum and after my mum died I became reclusive, therefore I lost a few close school friends. Since then I've had trouble meeting new friends in college and even after I finished college. I also had issues with my confidence due to bad acne and being overweight, so It was hard for me to talk to girls and date confidently.

    I am now 23 years old and I am still single. I am still overweight, but my acne is gone and I have clear skin now. My confidence has increased, but I am still lacking confidence due to my body image and my current situation. See I have been unemployed for 2 years, apart from the odd few jobs with my older brother and a couple of odd jobs here and there. But due to being unemployed, overweight, and not having a degree or any worthwhile qualifications, it makes me feel horrible when it comes to dating.

    The thing is, it makes me feel awful because all my friends (apart from 1 or 2 who I don't see regularly) are either in relationships or have just started dating girls. Even a friend of mine who is less outgoing than me has found a girl on a dating website who he's been seeing a few weeks and now they're kind of "in a relationship"

    The thing is, it seems as though people get into relationships just to "settle" for certain people because they need to be in a relationship. I am not desperate to be in a relationship, but I would really like to at least meet some girls and start dating. I am fed up of being single, and now I have little social life because all my mates are dating, so their time is taken up with dating their girls. If I haven't got a social life, how can I meet girls?

    Anyway, be grateful for some advice, thanks.
    Let's not lie to ourselves, it's not about how you view yourself, it's about how others view you.

    Girls will tell you it's all about personality, but evolutionarily speaking they care more about looks, and being overweight as a guy is not nearly as accepted.

    So the best advice you'll ever get is shed your weight and get in shape. Obviously you'll need to work on other things too, but this is the main thing keeping you from actually getting any dates. Trust me...I had a period of 3-4 years when I was quite chubby and I didn't get any attention, though the acne wasn't helping either.

    Then I got in shape and my acne cleared up and guess what...I got swarmed. Well we can blame Uni for that too, but the point is my personality didn't really change, just those two little things.
 
 
 
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