Hello. I have been writing a story called Observations which is based off the ideas shown in 1984 by George Orwell and you may notice some things related to the TV show Star Trek.
It's just over 1000 words (trying to keep it at/or below 1000 words if possible)
I'm looking for some feedback on my story and see if you can possibly aid me in improving it, all help will be greatly appreciated. I have tried to split it up into small sections to make it easier to read. I hope you enjoy reading!
The year was 2372, Grozny Grad: The moon cast a dark shadow over the small town. It was a cold Sunday morning and one could see the frost accumulating on the cars outside of every house. Isaac, upon opening his bedroom curtains was blinded by the brightness of the sky which added to the pain of his headache, he reached up and placed his hand on his temple stroking it from side to side in attempt to make the pain subside with no success.
They said they would make Grozny a better place for everyone and that is what Isaac Truman believed. Isaac himself had cast his vote most eagerly thinking they would be the perfect governing party to ensure the best in welfare and future of its population. But Isaac, just like everyone else in Grozny had been ordered by the newly ruling government to have a brain chip implant. The government said it would improve their memory.
He had to stop by the medical clinic on Brunswick road which was only 7 miles away from his home but due to the weather and slippery roads it took him longer than expected. Isaac was always forgetting things and he never knew anything of his life before the age of seven,so he immediately thought it was a good idea, especially if it could cure his morning headaches.
He gazed around the room as people continued to line up for the procedure which took no longer than 3 minutes, some people however after being told they had to have a chip implanted inside themselves were reluctant to have the procedure.
One person was heard shouting to everyone “Don't listen to 'em, they're turning us into robots! Slavs I tell ye! Slavs!” Isaac assumed he meant slaves and still amongst the crowd he recognised the voice being shouted across the room. It was Rupert Hunter, that old fool Isaac thought to himself, Rupert was known by everybody to be a little strange 'eccentric' the people in top hats called him.
Isaac began his journey home and by the time he left the clinic the roads were filled with cars. After ten minutes of slow driving on the frost covered roads he saw what looked like a new building was in the process of being constructed, it looked like the usual construction site blocked off by barbed wire fencing. Isaac thought it was to be a site for a new power source.
It was Monday morning and Isaac awoke from his bed unwillingly, with yet another thumping headache. He switched on his bedroom light and examined himself in the mirror – his skin had turned a sickly shade of grey and veins bulged on his arms, which could be seen from a distance. His left eye was replaced with a metal ocular implant, probably due to the chip rewriting his DNA.
Suddenly, a robotic voice interrupted his thoughts.
“Your life, as it has been, is over. From this time forward, you will service us. Resistance is futile” the voice said slowly as it was easily understandable and had not needed to be repeated. Isaac reacted to the voice as if he had heard it millions of times and without fear responded to the voice “We will serve you” he said in a jingoistic manner.
The voices of many people could be heard masked behind his own voice inside his mind Isaac was somehow connected to each individual with the implanted chip and was able to have access to everyone’s thoughts and ideas. Everyone's location including Isaac's was able to be tracked by the government if anything were to malfunction with the chip. Each person was given an individual designated code so it could easily be entered into the government's database. Isaac's code was C1535.
Isaac, upon sleeping the previous night had an unusual dream, he could hear many voices speaking to each other, voices that he had heard several times at his workplace. Suddenly another voice had interrupted his thoughts and called out to him but this time it was different, it wasn't the robotic voice he had heard before, it was Ian Foster.
Isaac always shared his lunch with Ian at work but they didn't talk much as they didn't share the same interests. Behind Ian's voice several others could be heard all talking at the same time almost like they were conspiring a plan behind someone’s back although you were fully aware of what they were saying if you listened closely.
Isaac began to realise it wasn't a dream but instead it was some sort of communication link connected through the chip. Isaac closely concentrated on the voices in his dream the voices were conspiring a plan against the government and to free themselves from their grasp.
Isaac was about to begin speaking when he was interrupted again by Ian.
“It's okay, they can't hear ye, we're safe ere” he said in a reassuring voice. Ian told him about their plan to fight the government, there must have been over thirty people involved in the plan.
Some were too afraid of the government's power and refused to mix with the others during the dreaming.
Many, due to the features of their own individual neural make up never remembered the dream after awakening. For the most part the dreaming was spasmodic and the majority of people only dreamed once every few days, some people never dreamed at all. Isaac found himself in a very fortunate position and was capable of dreaming every night to develop their plans.
The government however was becoming increasingly suspicious of peoples behaviour. Every morning the old fool Rupert would have been seen by Isaac wandering the streets hopelessly although he had not been seen for over a week. It was Wednesday evening when Isaac was about to go to sleep, the next day was the day the plan was to be set in motion. Isaac was never seen inside the dream that night.
Thank you for taking the time to read my story and i hope you liked it. Any feedback would be great.
Turn on thread page Beta
Observations - My story inspired by 1984 George Orwell watch
- Thread Starter
Last edited by Xiomn; 27-11-2011 at 16:43.
- 27-11-2011 16:41
Study help in partnership with Birmingham City University