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Relationships...

Silly woo

Does anyone here worry excessively and incessantly about their relationship??

xxx

Reply 1

Silly woo

OP

Does noone else here worry at all about their relationship with their bf/gf??

xxx

Reply 2

hippieglitter

19

Yep all the time. I do trust my bf but i am always worrying about him going off with another girl. I know deep down he won't but it doesn't stop me worrying.

Reply 3

mousey

2

I don't really worry. xx

Reply 4

El Scotto

15

you've got to think about it logically. Is worrying actually going to have any positive affect on your relationship? will being paranoid actually prevent them from going of and doing whatever you're paranoid about?

nope.

If somethings gonna happen, its gonna happen. Paranoia and worrying wont stop it. So stop upseting yourself, and irritating whomever you're with.

Reply 5

Anonymous #1

I worry, a lot. And to be honest it's starting to ruin my relationship. I've been with my boyfriend for just over two years, and after we'd been going out for about 6months he cheated on me with some random in a club. It was just kissing, but he went back to her room which was in the same corridoor as one of our friends, and apparantly he was all over her in the kitchen. It destroyed my trust in him, but I didn't want to let her win and so decided to give him a second chance. Since then our relationship has been constantly up and down. We've had some wonderful times together, but we've also had more than our fair share of arguments, which usually get taken too far and are really upsetting.

His problem is that he lies about stupid things when he thinks the truth will upset me. I hate being lied to about anything, but even more so hate being lied to by him. For example last weekend he was invited to a party, by a guy from his new course. He wasn't going to go but text me about 10 and said that he'd changed his mind and was going to the party, which was on campus. I've since found out that the party wasn't actually a guys, but a girl who is on his course. And it was more of a gathering, and from her kitchen they went to a club in town. Now he didn't tell me any of this, despite the fact that he took his housemates (one of whom I'm really good friends with) with him, he thought he could get away with lying. Apparantly this girl knows all about me, asked why I wasn't there and he said I had work to do (never mind the fact that he didn't invite me).

His lying is really starting to get to me. That's just one example of many and he doesn't see that he's doing anything wrong. He lies when there's no need and wonders why I find it hard to trust him.

So yeah, I worry a lot. When he says he's going out, although I don't mind, I do tend to not be able to sleep till he says he's home. I may sound paranoid but he shattered my trust spectacularly at the start of our relationship and although I've tried to rebuild it he's not made it easy.

The thing is most of the time he's wonderful, I love him but I'm beginning to realise it's not a healthy relationship that we have. He's got 2 years left at uni but I graduate this year, and it could maybe be time for a clean break, if only I didn't love him so much.

Sorry for rambling!

Reply 6

Anonymous #2

Anonymous

I worry, a lot. And to be honest it's starting to ruin my relationship. I've been with my boyfriend for just over two years, and after we'd been going out for about 6months he cheated on me with some random in a club. It was just kissing, but he went back to her room which was in the same corridoor as one of our friends, and apparantly he was all over her in the kitchen. It destroyed my trust in him, but I didn't want to let her win and so decided to give him a second chance. Since then our relationship has been constantly up and down. We've had some wonderful times together, but we've also had more than our fair share of arguments, which usually get taken too far and are really upsetting.

His problem is that he lies about stupid things when he thinks the truth will upset me. I hate being lied to about anything, but even more so hate being lied to by him. For example last weekend he was invited to a party, by a guy from his new course. He wasn't going to go but text me about 10 and said that he'd changed his mind and was going to the party, which was on campus. I've since found out that the party wasn't actually a guys, but a girl who is on his course. And it was more of a gathering, and from her kitchen they went to a club in town. Now he didn't tell me any of this, despite the fact that he took his housemates (one of whom I'm really good friends with) with him, he thought he could get away with lying. Apparantly this girl knows all about me, asked why I wasn't there and he said I had work to do (never mind the fact that he didn't invite me).

His lying is really starting to get to me. That's just one example of many and he doesn't see that he's doing anything wrong. He lies when there's no need and wonders why I find it hard to trust him.

So yeah, I worry a lot. When he says he's going out, although I don't mind, I do tend to not be able to sleep till he says he's home. I may sound paranoid but he shattered my trust spectacularly at the start of our relationship and although I've tried to rebuild it he's not made it easy.

The thing is most of the time he's wonderful, I love him but I'm beginning to realise it's not a healthy relationship that we have. He's got 2 years left at uni but I graduate this year, and it could maybe be time for a clean break, if only I didn't love him so much.

Sorry for rambling!

I used to lie to my ex exactly like that, I used to do it because I'd be whinged at if I told the truth to her as she was paranoid.

I also used to lie more as she'd try and catch me out every five seconds thinking everything I was saying was a lie, so I just continued lying to her.

Reply 7

Anonymous #1

Anonymous

I used to lie to my ex exactly like that, I used to do it because I'd be whinged at if I told the truth to her as she was paranoid.

I also used to lie more as she'd try and catch me out every five seconds thinking everything I was saying was a lie, so I just continued lying to her.

That's similar to what he says. I think he really underestimates me. Out of interest is there anything your ex could have done to make you feel comfortable telling her the truth? Or had the damage already been done?

Reply 8

Anonymous #2

Anonymous

That's similar to what he says. I think he really underestimates me. Out of interest is there anything your ex could have done to make you feel comfortable telling her the truth? Or had the damage already been done?

I'm sorry to tell you that the damage had already been done, there was no going back really as even when I did try and change and tell her the truth about things she'd be suspicious anyway. so it went back to how it was before, I would just lie because the result would be the same either way, i'd rather deal with the grief later on when she found out.

Unless you want to not bring him up on any lies, and when he does tell you something that is the truth, dont question him on it so he can learn to trust you again, theres no point. one thing I know now, relationships are built upon trust. if you dont have it. whats the point?

Reply 9

Anonymous #1

Anonymous

I'm sorry to tell you that the damage had already been done, there was no going back really as even when I did try and change and tell her the truth about things she'd be suspicious anyway. so it went back to how it was before, I would just lie because the result would be the same either way, i'd rather deal with the grief later on when she found out.

Unless you want to not bring him up on any lies, and when he does tell you something that is the truth, dont question him on it so he can learn to trust you again, theres no point. one thing I know now, relationships are built upon trust. if you dont have it. whats the point?

Thanks for being honest. I was pretty sure the relationship is beyond saving, just seems better to hear it from someone else. In a way I wish he was actually lying about proper, serious things, at least then it'd be understandable. I can't ignore his lies, because when I find out the truth I feel like a mug, and that he's laughing at me behind my back.

I trust him, but I don't. And it leads to me asking him questions when he's been out, and I guess although I try to make them sound lighthearted, he knows it's me fishing for information. Thing is I'm totally honest with him, when a guy I work with came onto me I told him straight away, but he doesn't even tell me where he's going on a night out.

It just upsets me that it's all gone so wrong because he really is a good bloke. :frown:

Reply 10

completely random

8

Worry of some nature and degree is natural in a relationship - we're all human

Reply 11

Eien

16

El Scotto

you've got to think about it logically. Is worrying actually going to have any positive affect on your relationship? will being paranoid actually prevent them from going of and doing whatever you're paranoid about?

nope.

If somethings gonna happen, its gonna happen. Paranoia and worrying wont stop it. So stop upseting yourself, and irritating whomever you're with.

Of course - many people know that, but that doesn't stop them worrying, sometimes it can be irrational, even with the worrier's knowledge that it is. I find that if I keep telling myself to stop worrying about something, or being paranoid will do no good, it often makes little difference. However, IMO the best way is to confront or talk about it, and realise from an outside perspective that there is little reason to worry (one needs another person, since if you worry, you will question your own judgement). Failing that, you can accept your worries and simply say decide not to worry - when one experiences more hardships in life, this becomes easier, but at a young age, it is almost impossible, as any disastrous situation will provoke deep and sorrowful feelings that have to be endured. Later on in life, such situations are fended off more easily, and the attitude of 'there's no point in worrying' becomes easier, but if one is often worrying, this statement won't do much to help.