For the past year, I feel I don't have purpose in life anymore. I feel I've never had purpose. I can't seem to find what I'm good at, most days I'm really tired. I feel lost, I'm 20 years old, and still don't know what I'm supposed to be doing in my life, not even an idea. I'm a first year Law student but I'm struggling with the workload and really starting to feel the pressure(family have high expectations).This gets me even more depressed.
All I feel is an overwhelming feeling of guilt, like I am in everyones way, I am a nuisance. I always want to be alone, but at the same time I want to scream at the top of my lungs so everyone could hear how hurt I am.I am feeling very alone, lost, frightened, confused.
There's no love in my life at the moment, and most people think I'm stupid, weird, lazy, don't give a darn about anything or what have you. I've been contemplating suicide for the past 6 months, but I don't want to be a coward either.
Lately, I've been drinking more often, especially every day after Uni.My life is lacking direction and purpose and I don't know where to start, or what to do.
At times I think, my family would be better off without me and I'm just a burden.
Do they actually matter?