So, I've been with my boyfriend for a year and a few months. And I can honestly say that it has been a fantastic year, and there is nothing I would change. I love him to bits, and can't/don't want to imagine my future without him - it would seem empty.
But in the past week, there's been something weird going on. We've talked about it, and neither of us is too sure what it is, we can't put our finger on it, but we both feel it. It's kind of like, an unexplained tension. He seems less engaged when we're together, and he's said he feels like lately, when we've been together, his mind is somewhere else - no where specific, he just can't focus. But he wants to work it out, and he loves me.
For me, it's been like a gradual change. I don't get that flash of excitement when I know I'm gonna see him the next day - when we're together, I used to just not want to leave his side. Now, it matters less. Also, when we first meet up, in that first hour of being together, I get really annoyed by his little habits and become really irritable. I told him this, and after I told him it kind of put it into perspective a little bit and I just thought - What the hell is wrong with me? Why am I being such a ***** when he is just being himself?
We had a talk last night where we both just discussed how we were feeling, and neither of us had any idea what the problem was - we are both just aware of feeling a slight niggling weird feeling, like things aren't quite the same.
A few months ago we went through something similar to this, although the cause of that was plain and simple: we both wanted to go on a gap year, but he didn't want to go travelling with me. Sounds kinda mean, but it was basically because we're both going to uni after that and are not too sure where we're gonna end up. He thought it would make things 10x harder if we had spent a few months together travelling then had to split up straight afterwards and go to different parts of the country. This left me with a bit of resentment for a while because we didn't really communicate, which ended up with tension.
Basically, reading over what I've just written (sorry for the essay) it sounds like the spark has gone. But I'm not bored, and he isn't either. I have faith in the relationship and desperately want things to be okay, but at the moment I'm really really anxious and don't quite know how to feel. All of my other relationships have kind of ended catastrophically so is this just how a relationship tapers out? I really, really don't want it to end.
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Confused and worried watch
- Thread Starter
- 29-11-2011 10:35
- 29-11-2011 10:51
It's only been the past week that this has been happening? Then I wouldn't take it so seriously. All relationships go through ups and downs. You need to push past this, make the effort to get the spark back, suggest some activities to do together, something romantic.
you say the same thing happened a few months ago, but you got past that, didn't you? So you can do the same again. If you really don't want it to end, then make it work!
Relationships aren't simple, believe it or not, you actually have to put some effort into them to keep them going. But if you're both committed to making it work, you will, it's just a hiccup and it happens to everybody. This isn't the first time you've felt like this, you said so yourself, and it won't be the last, but if you work at it you'll come out the other side feeling good about the relationship again.
- Thread Starter
- 29-11-2011 11:24
Thanks! I know I shouldn't take it so seriously, but I am prone to over thinking things, and when something so valuable is at risk it's so hard not to worry!
But thank you for the advice, because the way I'm feeling definitely doesn't make me want to end things, and I know it sounds dumb but I was a bit worried that this is just how people break up.