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My ex is dating a girl who looks scarily like me :( watch

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    I was together with my ex for 5 years. We met as Freshers at uni and stayed together the whole time and for a while after we graduated. For most of the relationship, I think I liked him more than he liked me.

    He was always flirting with other girls and going out with his mates. I tried not to be controlling but it did upset me when I saw photos of him all over other girls on Facebook - he would say I couldn't come out with him and his mates as it was a boy's night but then I'd see all these photos of him with girls from societies they were in. I found out he was cheating on me with a girl he used to work with - nothing major, just kissing and suggestive texting but it still hurt. I forgave him but never trusted him again. He also went through a phase of trying to put me down - calling me fat (when I'm a size 8), saying I was too pale, criticising my family and house etc. I liked him so much I kept making excuses and ignored it. He wasn't like it all the time either which made it harder to break away.

    Things got better and we were happy for a while. In the end, I broke it off because I felt that we had drifted apart and didn't have a lot in common anymore. We also lived 2 hours apart so it made it difficult to see each other often. I tried to stay with him but his family were a bit weird with me and sometimes ignored me which was hard. I also found it difficult as I kept remembering how he'd acted in the past.

    I wanted to stay friends as he had been an important part of my life for so long and I still liked him as a friend, just didn't have romantic feelings. I told him how I felt and did it as nicely as I possibly could. There was nobody else involved (still isn't), and he seemed ok with it.

    This is when things turned nasty. He told all his friends I'd dumped him, that I was cheating on him etc. and went away to Asia backpacking for months so I couldn't speak to him. While he was out there, he sent me a flirty Facebook message addressed to another girl on purpose. When he returned, he changed his profile picture to him and a girl with their arms around each other and posted other photos of his friend from school straddling him. I was upset by this, thought he was being a total arse and unfriended him on Facebook so I wouldn't have to see it.

    It got worse after that. He sent me a text saying I'd 'really hurt' him and he couldn't forgive me. I asked what for, but he wouldn't say. I said that i thought he'd acted in a really childish way to hurt me but he wouldn't accept any responsibility. Since then, he's started a Masters course and is dating a girl who looks really similar to me. It's really freaking me out and making me upset. Even my family have seen pictures of them together and have commented on how much she looks like me.

    I can't believe it's ended up like this. Someone who was once like my best friend has turned into the most spiteful person ever. I feel like I can't talk to him again as it upsets me too much to hear about him practically dating my twin lol. It's like he never cared about me at all and I feel almost like I've been replaced. She's always writing on his Facebook wall and he's writing flirty messages back that he would once say to me. I imagine her going to stay round his house and his family accepting her when they didn't seem to like me. I feel angry too, like I want to tell her how nasty he really is, as he's obviously putting an act on.

    Just feeling really down about it. I don't want him back but I wish things weren't like this as I miss him in some ways. It's hard going from talking to someone daily, to having them out of your life altogether and with someone else.
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    This sounds so upsetting, but honestly, it sounds like he misses you a lot. People dont try and hurt others unless they still have some feelings there. It sounds like hes really hurt from the break up and is trying to look like hes 'moving on' and doesnt care about you, but it sounds to me like he still loves you.

    If you dont want him back, your best off cutting all contact, and embarking on a friendship when things are more settled between you both.

    Good luck.
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    Are you sure you're not just looking at pictures of yourself, of when you were with him? Or perhaps a mirror?

    Could explain the similarities :dontknow:
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    Relationships may end, but general tastes in what we find attractive doesn't.
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    It may just be a coincidence that his new gf looks similar to you. Perhaps that is his 'type'?

    I would suggest cutting all contact with him. I know it is difficult but that's the best thing for the both of you by the sounds of it. It gives you a chance to get over him, and him a chance to move on from you and in turn it might make him realise how unfair he's been towards you.
    You have already said yourself that you don't want to get back with him, so you dont really need to contact him.
    If it's a case of you want to try to be friends, maybe time is all that is needed and you can try again in the future.
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    It's tricky, I was attracted to my ex so there are often similarities in the features of the girls I have dated since, but I could never date someone who look a lot like her. I did meet one girl who was essentially a clone visually, and yet incredibly smart and sensitive and sweet (ie. complete opposite to my ex), but I couldn't date her because she was the spitting image of someone who had hurt me.

    In this case, perhaps your ex is deliberately looking for someone that looks like you.
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    I was together with my ex for 5 years. We met as Freshers at uni and stayed together the whole time and for a while after we graduated. For most of the relationship, I think I liked him more than he liked me.

    He was always flirting with other girls and going out with his mates. I tried not to be controlling but it did upset me when I saw photos of him all over other girls on Facebook - he would say I couldn't come out with him and his mates as it was a boy's night but then I'd see all these photos of him with girls from societies they were in. I found out he was cheating on me with a girl he used to work with - nothing major, just kissing and suggestive texting but it still hurt. I forgave him but never trusted him again. He also went through a phase of trying to put me down - calling me fat (when I'm a size 8), saying I was too pale, criticising my family and house etc. I liked him so much I kept making excuses and ignored it. He wasn't like it all the time either which made it harder to break away.

    Things got better and we were happy for a while. In the end, I broke it off because I felt that we had drifted apart and didn't have a lot in common anymore. We also lived 2 hours apart so it made it difficult to see each other often. I tried to stay with him but his family were a bit weird with me and sometimes ignored me which was hard. I also found it difficult as I kept remembering how he'd acted in the past.

    I wanted to stay friends as he had been an important part of my life for so long and I still liked him as a friend, just didn't have romantic feelings. I told him how I felt and did it as nicely as I possibly could. There was nobody else involved (still isn't), and he seemed ok with it.

    This is when things turned nasty. He told all his friends I'd dumped him, that I was cheating on him etc. and went away to Asia backpacking for months so I couldn't speak to him. While he was out there, he sent me a flirty Facebook message addressed to another girl on purpose. When he returned, he changed his profile picture to him and a girl with their arms around each other and posted other photos of his friend from school straddling him. I was upset by this, thought he was being a total arse and unfriended him on Facebook so I wouldn't have to see it.

    It got worse after that. He sent me a text saying I'd 'really hurt' him and he couldn't forgive me. I asked what for, but he wouldn't say. I said that i thought he'd acted in a really childish way to hurt me but he wouldn't accept any responsibility. Since then, he's started a Masters course and is dating a girl who looks really similar to me. It's really freaking me out and making me upset. Even my family have seen pictures of them together and have commented on how much she looks like me.

    I can't believe it's ended up like this. Someone who was once like my best friend has turned into the most spiteful person ever. I feel like I can't talk to him again as it upsets me too much to hear about him practically dating my twin lol. It's like he never cared about me at all and I feel almost like I've been replaced. She's always writing on his Facebook wall and he's writing flirty messages back that he would once say to me. I imagine her going to stay round his house and his family accepting her when they didn't seem to like me. I feel angry too, like I want to tell her how nasty he really is, as he's obviously putting an act on.

    Just feeling really down about it. I don't want him back but I wish things weren't like this as I miss him in some ways. It's hard going from talking to someone daily, to having them out of your life altogether and with someone else.
    God, he sounds like such an *******, can't imagine ever putting a girl down and insulting her. Dont understand why girls go for this type?
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    I can't believe it's ended up like this. Someone who was once like my best friend has turned into the most spiteful person ever.
    This isn't uncommon, i'm pretty sure it's happened to a lot of us. I know it's happened to me.
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    Thanks for your replies. It's so hard, especially when I see photos of her on Facebook. She could be my sister, it's like he did it on purpose. I'm losing the will to even be his friend - I wanted that at first but now I can kind of see what a nasty **** he is. I think cutting all contact is the right decision.
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    Human clone!!!!!
 
 
 
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