The Student Room Group

How to talk to my mother?

Right, the background of all of this is this: I've had some form of depression for a while now, at least six or seven years. On Tuesday I finally went to the doctor's, and I've got another appointment for next week (to decide treatment). In the meantime, I'm supposed to talk to my mother about it all (she doesn't know about ANY of it).

That was Tuesday.

It's now Thursday and I still haven't spoken to her - she's been ill, or she's been busy. She's either watching television with my brother or doing housework, and she's not the type of person I can go to and say "can we talk?" because she'll only say "I'm busy" or "talk to me later, I'm watching this".

Now, maybe it's just me, but I don't fancy making an appointment to talk to my own mother.

I don't think she's very approachable anyway, and I doubt she'll understand the actual problem and will most likely write it off as "oh, it's just because you're a teenager". The doctor says the depression IS deep-seated, it shouldn't be considered some trivial thing, and that it will take a hell of a long time to sort myself out. But I was also told that my mum might surprise me, and turn out to actually be really supportive.

Which I don't think will happen, but right now I haven't been given an opportunity TO find that out.

I was thinking of writing a letter, but I find that it says a lot, when you can't even talk to your mother face to face simply because either she's too "busy" or because of her possible response. I'm also worried about how bearable the next few days are going to be, especially if she reacts to it badly.

:/
I think you should try talking to her even if you don't think you'll get a very good response. If she says, "Not now, I'm busy" or whatever, just stand your ground and tell her it's important. She is your mother after all, and you never know, she might surprise you. You might find out that she would be hurt to think you can't talk to her. Some good might come out of this if you can develop a closer relationship with her.
Reply 2
Out of interest, why do you have to tell your mother? Is it part of your treatment?

I'd write a letter. It might wake her up to the fact that TV is not as important as her child.
Well, it was the doctor's suggestion, seeing as Mum has absolutely no idea what's going on in her daughter's life. I mean, I'm seventeen, I've had binging/anxiety problems since I was ten, eleven. Either she hasn't been paying attention or I'm a better actress than I thought. She doesn't know a single thing about it.

I think the doctor seems to think it may help, for some reason. Maybe because I need support behind me or something? And anyway, I'd rather her support should I have to go on medication/into therapy (I doubt I can do it on the sly).

Can't really talk to my dad - he's as good as deaf so communicating is a big problem, and he's not really...I can't explain it. Let's just say the only thing we have in common is blood, 24, Liverpool FC and Lost. We're not really close but we're not enemies either...it's difficult to explain. In terms of our relationship, we share the house and DNA but that's it.
Reply 4
lostinfantasies
Can't really talk to my dad - he's as good as deaf so communicating is a big problem, and he's not really...I can't explain it. Let's just say the only thing we have in common is blood, 24, Liverpool FC and Lost. We're not really close but we're not enemies either...it's difficult to explain. In terms of our relationship, we share the house and DNA but that's it.


I know exactly what you mean, it's the same with my dad...we're just so different, (although it's also partly due to the fact my parents are divorced and he lives away). But I strongly recommend talking about it, even if it feels uncomfortable, it can be miraculously reassuring if your mum truly cares. If you don't gain much from it, try your best friends - but remember that people like your parents are likely to have gone through hardships at your age too, and they are in a position to evaluate it afterwards.
Reply 5
Isn't there a time you are along with her?
Reply 6
This is what you do. You go out and buy her a bunch of flowers, that'll get her attention and then say 'we don't talk enough'.

There's your IN.
Thank you so MUCH for your help guys! I just spoke to her just now and...oh, my, God.

OH. MY. GOD.

I told her. I told her. I actually TOLD her I had depression. Well, it was more the general gist of it, but I TOLD her, and the doctor was right; she SURPRISED me. The only thing she's annoyed about is the fact that I kept her in the dark, and she's promised not to tell my dad or the Grandparents. I told her that the doctors thought the depression was deep-seated, and about the appointment next Tuesday, and everything.

I can't breathe I'm just so happy. I just feel so...wow. And surprised. And just...excited, I guess. This sort of marks a turning point, I think - I'm getting it sorted out, I've told my mother about it all...

Bless her, she thought it was down to some deep, deep hatred for my brother! She actually thinks I'm jealous of him, because they have a better relationship with each other than my mother does with me (it's only because my mother and I are all too similar)!
Reply 8
Good for you! I've been wishing that I could communicate with my mother for some time, but this story has given me some hope! Did you plan what you were going to say?
I just get so terrified everytime I think about doing it...it's just wierd. She's not really emotionless or anything, I just don't want to damage her illusions of me as the perfect child (sounds arrogant, I know!!)
Reply 9
Congrats for talking to her! :smile: Least the worst part of finding support is over!
I planned it at first, and it didn't really work out right, so I managed to get some time with her on her own, told her about various college things, then opened the topic with "can I tell you something? Only, it might make you mad - it's to do with my health".

And her face just went pale, so I quickly went "I'm not pregnant or anything!", and she calmed down :biggrin:. But I told her, and she continually said that she's angry about the "being kept in the dark" which is understandable, and we hugged a few times (I NEVER hug my mother).