Overcomplicated situation!!

Right ... in advance sorry if this is a long ramble - not good at being concise!!

Firstly I split up with my boyfriend who I'd effectively been going out with for four years about 3 weeks ago. Ok, so I was feeling pretty sorry for myself because I definitely still love him but he just needed some space it seems so I had to accept it and move on.

Anyway, had been doing well. After 3 weeks was feeling a lot better and enjoying going out and having fun with friends etc. then last night I got a horrid phone call.

Basically my ex has been taken into hospital with what appears to be quite severe kidney failure and things are not looking so great. Thing is he's been very ill with a condition in the past about 2 years ago. At one point he was in intensive care and only given matter of hours to live, but he got through it and I was quite happy to go through the hard times to cos I loved him and he always said the reasons he got through were me and our life together.

Now, his mum and him are both saying they really need me at the moment. I still love him but am pretty sure that from his point of view he only wants to be friends. I'm at uni at the moment and don't know whether to go back and drop everything for few days like I would have in past? That's what I feel like doing because I'm so worried but at same time it's going to hurt me so much. I spent hours last night just crying because I just thought I'd got through this extremely painful break up and now I feel I'm being dragged backwards but not in a happy way cos as far as I can tell he still doesn't want me.

Sorry this has been so long and thanks for reading if you have. I could really do with some advice if anyones got any because I feel I'm going insane here. Love hurts enough as it is but how do you cope with this?

Reply 1

Anonymous #2

awww, im sorry buti dont think i cant give some decent advice, ut its a very moving story. I can only say that ive never parted on ad terms with an ex so i would be straight there, in a relationship you share things that are so special and i cant cut ppl out that ive shared that with. I wud go see him, if you still love him then, the effort you make may make him realise how perfrect you are. maybe this is all a bit fairytale but its upto you. good luck

Reply 2

Purple

18

Anonymous

awww, im sorry buti dont think i cant give some decent advice, ut its a very moving story. I can only say that ive never parted on ad terms with an ex so i would be straight there, in a relationship you share things that are so special and i cant cut ppl out that ive shared that with. I wud go see him, if you still love him then, the effort you make may make him realise how perfrect you are. maybe this is all a bit fairytale but its upto you. good luck

Why be anonymous?^o)

I think you should go and see him.

Reply 3

Anonymous #2

Im being anonymous because no matter what you write, somebody takes the p**s out of it, and i cant be bothered with them.

Reply 4

Segat1

16

If you feel you can devote some time to the situation, then by all means go. If he is now your friend, then I assume you would do that for a friend. If you can't go at the moment due to study, then I would explain that to his family.

It must be very hard for you big :hugs:

Reply 5

Segat1

16

Anonymous

Im being anonymous because no matter what you write, somebody takes the p**s out of it, and i cant be bothered with them.

Welcome to TSR!!

Surely you're asking for it by posting anon tho :rolleyes:

Reply 6

Anonymous #2

lol....its these hens eggs im worried about lol:-(

Reply 7

UpliftMof0

2

You should go down and see them, treat him as you would a good friend, maybe go down for only a day, make excuses that thats all the time you can spare or something, or go for a few days, but make it clear to yourself that you wont be getting back together, set yourself some personal rules on what is and isnt appropriate at this point in time. and if his mum is saying she needs you then be a friend to her but remind her of your situation with her son.
Upliftmof0

Reply 8

G4ry

1

It's not really a complicated situation. He's a human being, he's ill, you care about him. So go see him, you might regret it....

Reply 9

michellehall

2

your emotional pain is nothing compared to what he must be going through go and see him you can get over him later

Reply 10

Apricot Fairy

16

Go and see him.

Reply 11

vetboy

the worst thing would be reggret if the worst happened

Reply 12

littlemisspain

go see him, you may regret it in future if you dont, what you got to lose

Reply 13

Lady_Muck

14

I'm in a similar positions with ex bf, but if he was seriously ill in hospital, even if we were just friends, I'd drop everything and go to him, especially if he'd requested for me to be there.

You were with him for four years, it's his hour of need. Put yourself in his position and I'm sure you'd want him there.

Reply 14

Anonymous #1

OP

Thanks for all your advice. You are all prob right and I will def be going down to see him. In fact am leaving in half an hour. I know some of you probably think I'm weird for even thinking twice about leaving and thats understandable. Its just I've pretty much spent my life living his life for past few years - always being with him in hospital when he needed me; even to extent that I lost a lot myself. It always was and is fine though because I love him but it's hard to explain but before I knew he loved me for it and wanted to spend rest of his life with me and now its hard because I can't miss out on uni for someone who doesn't feel like that.

I will be there for him and know its right thing to do for him and his mum (our relationship gets even more complicated there!)

And for all of you who don't think its complicated - think for one moment how it feels to face losing the person the person you love the most but who doesn't feel the same and you can't change that and at the same time losing your life for them.

I might sound selfish but its not selfish its pain.

Thank you for all those with kind words :smile:

Reply 15

Anonymous #1

OP

Ps: Yes if I was in his position I'd want him to be there because I love him. But he doesn't feel the same and I think he wants me there cos he'll know i'll come rather than because it's me!

Overcomplicated situation!!

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