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Why do I have to put in all the effort when speaking to this guy? watch

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    there's this guy i know (and like) and i feel really pressured to start talking around him... like if i don't start a conversation going there will just be an awkward silence..

    i am not OVERLY chatty like i don't go on but i feel like most of the time it's me starting the topics when we are talking



    i don't think i'm getting across what i mean so i'll give an example.


    me and guy together.. say hi etc. THEN i start the conversation... that topic fades away eventually so i have to start the next bit... this goes on... i mean sometimes it is him who starts the next top (i know conversations aren't actually this structured, it's just hard to explain) but i feel it's mainly me who makes the conversation contine... it's not like he's trying to get away because if i just stop it there's an awkward silence and this is usually when we're both going to be there for a while...

    he is a confident person and i haven't noticed he's like this with other people


    does he just not want to talk to me or finds talking to me awkward or what? should i take the hint and just let the awkward silences happen and not talk??
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    (Original post by Bellissima)
    there's this guy i know (and like) and i feel really pressured to start talking around him... like if i don't start a conversation going there will just be an awkward silence..

    i am not OVERLY chatty like i don't go on but i feel like most of the time it's me starting the topics when we are talking



    i don't think i'm getting across what i mean so i'll give an example.


    me and guy together.. say hi etc. THEN i start the conversation... that topic fades away eventually so i have to start the next bit... this goes on... i mean sometimes it is him who starts the next top (i know conversations aren't actually this structured, it's just hard to explain) but i feel it's mainly me who makes the conversation contine... it's not like he's trying to get away because if i just stop it there's an awkward silence and this is usually when we're both going to be there for a while...

    he is a confident person and i haven't noticed he's like this with other people


    does he just not want to talk to me or finds talking to me awkward or what? should i take the hint and just let the awkward silences happen and not talk??
    Classic example of him exhibiting lack of interest. He clearly doesn't fancy you or finds you interesting.
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    (Original post by Zamolxes)
    Classic example of him exhibiting lack of interest. He clearly doesn't fancy you or finds you interesting.
    hm thats what i thought... but i hate awkward silences so what do i do!? just carry on? because i find it harder to keep avoiding them by filling them because i can't be bothered to keep at it..
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    any help on what i should do?
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    (Original post by Bellissima)
    hm thats what i thought... but i hate awkward silences so what do i do!? just carry on? because i find it harder to keep avoiding them by filling them because i can't be bothered to keep at it..
    Well the situation can't be helped. Be nice and friendly but don't give him more attention than he gives you. I suggest divert your attention to someone who appreciates it more.
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    (Original post by Zamolxes)
    Well the situation can't be helped. Be nice and friendly but don't give him more attention than he gives you. I suggest divert your attention to someone who appreciates it more.
    thanks i guess i'll just lets the awkward silences come... and try not to hate them so much!
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    (Original post by Bellissima)
    thanks i guess i'll just lets the awkward silences come... and try not to hate them so much!
    Why would there be awkward silences? Are you alone with him often? Try spending less time with him and more time with other people. He's clearly not interested in you. I wouldn't necessarily advise avoiding him as that might be a bit immature, but if you get the option to not be in his presence...take it.
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    (Original post by Zamolxes)
    Why would there be awkward silences? Are you alone with him often? Try spending less time with him and more time with other people. He's clearly not interested in you. I wouldn't necessarily advise avoiding him as that might be a bit immature, but if you get the option to not be in his presence...take it.
    yeah i am, it's not avoidable/optional though...

    there are only awkward silences because he can't be bothered to keep the conversation going... i'm quite offended now actually that he thinks uncomfortable silence is better than me talking
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    (Original post by Bellissima)
    yeah i am, it's not avoidable/optional though...

    there are only awkward silences because he can't be bothered to keep the conversation going... i'm quite offended now actually that he thinks uncomfortable silence is better than me talking
    I still don't understand why there would be uncomfortable silences? Why do you always have to be around him, ALONE?

    And even if you do, I sit next to plenty of friends in class that I don't talk with that much, sometimes you just have to do your own thing.
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    i have to disagree with some of the others
    maybe he likes you and doesnt want to mess up so isnt sure what to say?
    you know him better than anyone here just keep talking to him


    or if anything why dont u tell him you like him or just ask hows his love life

    just dont take what anyone says on this to heart make your own decision up
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    I will agree with Marco Ben on this topic, I know many shy guys that find it difficullt to talk to people. Heck, they don't even have to be shy to find it difficult to talk to a girl they like sometimes. It all depends apon the person, I don't know either of you so it's is difficult to give the correct answer...

    I think the best thing to do is ask? that way you can know for sure?Instead of secound guessing another persons thoughts, either way, to be fair it does sort of sound like you have made up your mind.
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    (Original post by Marco Ben)
    i have to disagree with some of the others
    maybe he likes you and doesnt want to mess up so isnt sure what to say?
    you know him better than anyone here just keep talking to him


    or if anything why dont u tell him you like him or just ask hows his love life

    just dont take what anyone says on this to heart make your own decision up

    (Original post by ToughLove)
    I will agree with Marco Ben on this topic, I know many shy guys that find it difficullt to talk to people. Heck, they don't even have to be shy to find it difficult to talk to a girl they like sometimes. It all depends apon the person, I don't know either of you so it's is difficult to give the correct answer...

    I think the best thing to do is ask? that way you can know for sure?Instead of secound guessing another persons thoughts, either way, to be fair it does sort of sound like you have made up your mind.
    thanks both of you... i don;t want false hope though and he is a confident guy that a lot of girls like so he wouldn't have any problem with talking to girls..

    i think i'll just stop putting in the effort because it is kinda tiring...

    i don't want false hope either!
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    (Original post by Zamolxes)
    I still don't understand why there would be uncomfortable silences? Why do you always have to be around him, ALONE?

    And even if you do, I sit next to plenty of friends in class that I don't talk with that much, sometimes you just have to do your own thing.
    i have to be alone with him doing nothing/waiting every week....... uncomfortable silences.. i don't know why... stop talking about one thing and there's a gap until i start talking about something else... or i notice that one topic is ending so i quickly change to something else BEFORE the awkward silence......

    it's a bit different to class when it's just the two of you sitting/standing there with nothing to do...
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    Perhaps he just needs to get more comfortable in your presence which will build up as you see him more. I don't know. I had this issue myself with this guy and I just decided to act casual with him and not too intense. Eventually he did open up and I didn't try and force it. Hanging out with him in a group helped too.
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    if you think he likes you, and you like him too, keep at it and ask him more questions to get involved in the conversation. maybe you don't have much in common so he doesn't agree with you or something. in that case, ask him what he thinks about what you just said. or just ask him how his day's been or any random question! make an effort to not talk so much next time. maybe he sees you as someone that doesn't shut up so he just lets you talk..

    if you don't think he likes you, just say a quick hello, how are you, and then busy yourself with something. try not to be alone with him too much. you could busy yourself by looking on your phone or looking through your books or something... if you don't have to be with him alone then walk away after you've said your hellos. there's no reason why you should stay and carry on talking when he's not making the effort.
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    (Original post by Lucia.)
    Perhaps he just needs to get more comfortable in your presence which will build up as you see him more. I don't know. I had this issue myself with this guy and I just decided to act casual with him and not too intense. Eventually he did open up and I didn't try and force it. Hanging out with him in a group helped too.
    yeah maybe thats its thanks

    (Original post by jessicalucy)
    if you think he likes you, and you like him too, keep at it and ask him more questions to get involved in the conversation. maybe you don't have much in common so he doesn't agree with you or something. in that case, ask him what he thinks about what you just said. or just ask him how his day's been or any random question! make an effort to not talk so much next time. maybe he sees you as someone that doesn't shut up so he just lets you talk..

    if you don't think he likes you, just say a quick hello, how are you, and then busy yourself with something. try not to be alone with him too much. you could busy yourself by looking on your phone or looking through your books or something... if you don't have to be with him alone then walk away after you've said your hellos. there's no reason why you should stay and carry on talking when he's not making the effort.
    thanks i dont really know i think ill go with the second one because im kind of bored of it...... i know he doesn't see me as someone who doesnt shut up though
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    (Original post by Bellissima)
    any help on what i should do?
    how about not talk to him as he doesnt want to talk to you
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    I guess it's about stepping back and seeing if he'll open up more. If you begin to be less obvious about liking him or decide in your mind that it doesn't matter, then he might reciprocate more because the situation is less pressured. I think if a guy realises that you like him he needs a bit of time to just take it all in and think about it.

    Many people end up dating people they are in proximity with because that's how a person grows on you. People sometimes don't notice someone for a while and then they suddenly become interested. If I were you I'd just hang around and be friendly and maybe a little bit flirty (but not go overboard), make an effort to take an interest in his life etc but don't worry if you don't talk much because it might build up. If the guy likes you back he won't mind if you don't talk much. Then I guess just let him introduce information about himself and not ask too many questions - sometimes asking a line of questions comes across as a bit intense. If I were you I would also leave a conversation once I knew it would get stale. Don't give him too much time if you're not getting much back. Intrigue him.

    I was talking to one of my male friends about this kind of thing yesterday. He said that sometimes girls he initially doesn't find attractive will grow on him to the point where he does see them as attractive prospects, and that this comes just from spending enough time with them enough to develop a bond and to fall for their personality. Just be friendly, always happy to see him and hang around with him as much as you can without looking stalkerish. Then flirt a little but never make yourself too available i.e. push forward, and then push back. So flirt enough for him to wonder whether it's flirtation or just friendliness.
 
 
 
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