I faked appendicitis when I was 14, I am 21 now, looking back I have been a bit... Watch
Looking back, this was a pretty screwed up thing to do. The first boyfriend i really loved dumped me when i told him I loved him, which was a shock for me as he initiated the relationship in the first place. This breakup happened in the summer, after which I wanted to avoid my social life and that guy for a bit. I googled the symptoms for appendicitis and when the doctor asked about my pains, I demonstrated that I had every possible symptom, I acted as if i experienced more pain when he pulled his hand away etc.
Now my dad didn't believe this, he thought it was a mere tummy upset, or that I was being melodramatic. My mum who is a nurse was very concerned as, from what i said, I showed all the symptoms. My plan was successful, the doctors referred me to the nearest big hospital where I got my appendix out a few days after. Pretty happy with myself in that distracted state, the doctor came over and told me it was lucky that they took it out, that i had a case of acute appendicitis... Now that was news to me! I had experienced no symptoms of the condition, though was rather content to have achieved what I set out to achieve, a temporary distraction from life.
When i got back to uni, I spent a while having my ex following me around. He would follow me around but we would do nothing, apart from on two occasions within two years where we made out a lot at parties. Now I hadn't been very self assured since early adolescence. I had always been to shy to start relationships. There were a few guys that tried it with me from the october when i returned to school, through to the easter two years later. My mad side came through again, I had the final straw, I gave up with the games my ex was playing with me, he got another girlfriend, I turned to anorexia.
I then remained in the state of anorexia for 3 years, as I became more obsessive, I lost more friendships. I failed the first year of a levels, but then due to perfectionism and the fear of failure retook them and got As at the same time as doing a levels, and got As once again.
In the 2nd year of extreme anorexia however, I had some hope. I met a lovely guy, with whom I am now still in a long distance relationship with a guy from another european culture, we met on an exchange and clicked immediately. We see each other often, we spend all of the holidays together and as many weekends as possible. We have met each others parents countless times, also grandparents etc. I have shaken him up twice, having mad moments, abstract needs to break free and return to old habits, but he has been supportive and prevented me from leaving him, even if he felt hurt for a long time afterwards, and I felt extremely guilty. We have many hopes for the future.
I am also at a very good university, achieving good grades and have founded a society, met some interesting people. Now it seems I have many prospects for the future. I am beginning to find self confidence, though every so often a glimmer from the past waves at me, tempting. I do not understand my past, otherwise it would have been so easy to escape. I don't understand why I have been so crazy, and hope it's not a part of my personality which will continue in the future.
If someone, anyone, can just advise me on how to avoid being this, and perhaps point out any reasons why I could have done these things. I realise they are not normal. I really want to just be normal, happy and confident. It's so difficult.
(this may sound cliche)You start by forgiving yourself. You need to realise that you've changed over the years, are a better person, learn from your mistakes. You need to stop clinging to your past and let it go....once you're able to do that you'll be a much more happier person