Turn on thread page Beta

He said sex is boring.....he's too influenced by porn watch

    • #1
    • Thread Starter
    #1

    My boyfriend watches a lot of porn. He's always saying stuff he's seen in it, and consequently "real life" sex is boring. I'm hardly "vanilla" when it comes to the bedroom, we do all the positions we can, use toys, oral, I swallow his *** etc....but it's not enough. Like most people I have my limits, and I just cannot bring myself to have anal sex....he has done certain things to me round that area but I didn't like it.

    He's always talking about anal, threesomes, sex in public....I'm pretty sure not many people do this, but he thinks we should as they do it in porn.

    He said sex is boring, so I cannot be bothered to have sex with him anymore with that attitude. Advice anyone, girls and guys?
    Offline

    0
    ReputationRep:
    Uhhh...tell him to be realistic?
    Offline

    10
    ReputationRep:
    (Original post by Ellz)
    Uhhh...tell him to be realistic?
    Just because someone is more kinky than you doesn't mean they're unrealistic.

    Closed minded...so uncool.
    Offline

    13
    ReputationRep:
    Hmm, I think it's about finding a balance between what you're comfortable with doing and also making sure he realises that not everything he watches in those videos is entirely realistic, but still offering some adventurous things to do together. Maybe act out fantasies with him? But by all means, don't do anything you're uncomfortable with because I'm sure that'll just make the situation worse. Has he had many relationships before? Perhaps he doesn't realise sex isn't quite like it is in the stuff he watches.
    Offline

    15
    ReputationRep:
    Hmm the more adventurous sex needs to wait until you're at a stage in the relationship where love and trust is really strong and you're completely comfortable around each other. This is especially true for anal sex. He definitely needs to be patient and realise that this stuff needs build up. You should be a bit open-minded but also remind him that you don't want to be too full-on too quickly.

    Encourage him to take care of your needs too. He should want to do that for you. All my male friends say they get a lot more pleasure from sex when they're thinking about the woman's pleasure.
    Offline

    10
    ReputationRep:
    If this was a post about a guy not pleasing his kinky girlfriend the responses would be something around the lines of:

    "Dump him and find someone who knows how to please you!"

    "Typical guy can't please a woman"

    "You deserve to be happy, find someone who can satisfy you"

    (Original post by Lucia.)
    Hmm the more adventurous sex needs to wait until you're at a stage in the relationship where love and trust is really strong and you're completely comfortable around each other. This is especially true for anal sex. He definitely needs to be patient and realise that this stuff needs build up. You should be a bit open-minded but also remind him that you don't want to be too full-on too quickly.

    Encourage him to take care of your needs too. He should want to do that for you. All my male friends say they get a lot more pleasure from sex when they're thinking about the woman's pleasure.
    When exactly did she say her needs aren't met? She didn't, you just assume.

    As for the last bit, if that were true honey then I would always have the most amazing sex. Sadly the reality is a bit different, just because SHE'S being pleased doesn't mean he is...

    I'm not saying she should do everything he asks, but if you haven't tried it give it a go, and if not try to find other ways of pleasing him. I don't think withholding sex is the best tactic here. That's just my £0.02 though.
    Offline

    15
    ReputationRep:
    (Original post by Zamolxes)
    I'm not saying she should do everything he asks, but if you haven't tried it give it a go, and if not try to find other ways of pleasing him. I don't think withholding sex is the best tactic here. That's just my £0.02 though.
    Oh no I definitely agree. And I wasn't assuming that he wasn't giving her pleasure. I was just thinking that you should balance out each other's needs in a relationship so I was wondering what she was saying from that perspective.

    I think porn does sometimes give guys an unrealistic picture of sex so my comment was stemming from that also. It's also true that she should pace herself and not do anything she's uncomfortable with initially. She should make sure to communicate what she likes and doesn't like. I mean sometimes people discover they're sexually incompatible when they have a proper conversation about sex.

    In the experiences that I've had, sex is nothing like porn at all and he might find that when he tries some of this stuff out, it won't be as good as he thinks. As far as I know there are at least a few men who have some kind of threesome fantasy but it's not something they've actually done with their girlfriend, so the pleasure they get from sex in general is more important.
    Offline

    4
    ReputationRep:
    (Original post by Zamolxes)
    If this was a post about a guy not pleasing his kinky girlfriend the responses would be something around the lines of:

    "Dump him and find someone who knows how to please you!"

    "Typical guy can't please a woman"

    "You deserve to be happy, find someone who can satisfy you"



    When exactly did she say her needs aren't met? She didn't, you just assume.

    As for the last bit, if that were true honey then I would always have the most amazing sex. Sadly the reality is a bit different, just because SHE'S being pleased doesn't mean he is...

    I'm not saying she should do everything he asks, but if you haven't tried it give it a go, and if not try to find other ways of pleasing him. I don't think withholding sex is the best tactic here. That's just my £0.02 though.


    Did you wake up on the sandpapered side of the bed this morning lol?
    Offline

    10
    ReputationRep:
    (Original post by Lucia.)
    Oh no I definitely agree. And I wasn't assuming that he wasn't giving her pleasure. I was just thinking that you should balance out each other's needs in a relationship so I was wondering what she was saying from that perspective.

    I think porn does sometimes give guys an unrealistic picture of sex so my comment was stemming from that also. It's also true that she should pace herself and not do anything she's uncomfortable with initially. She should make sure to communicate what she likes and doesn't like. I mean sometimes people discover they're sexually incompatible when they have a proper conversation about sex.

    In the experiences that I've had, sex is nothing like porn at all and he might find that when he tries some of this stuff out, it won't be as good as he thinks. As far as I know there are at least a few men who have some kind of threesome fantasy but it's not something they've actually done with their girlfriend, so the pleasure they get from sex in general is more important.
    You're right, sex is nothing like porn and guys watch a lot of porn. But sex is also nothing like the fantasies we have, and girls tend to have a lot of fantasies.

    That's not the issue here though. Doing something dirty excites you, even if it doesn't feel as good as you imagined it. I think they just need to find a way to make sex more exciting, since it's clearly not doing it for him at the moment.

    Communication is most likely the answer here. Damn you communication, it's always YOUR FAULT!!
    Offline

    13
    ReputationRep:
    I'm hardly "vanilla" when it comes to the bedroom, we do all the positions we can, use toys, oral, I swallow his *** etc
    Err... all of those things are bog standard. If that's as "kinky" as you get, then you are the very definition of vanilla...
    Offline

    0
    ReputationRep:
    (Original post by Pink Bullets)
    Err... all of those things are bog standard. If that's as "kinky" as you get, then you are the very definition of vanilla...
    I wish my ex-girlfriend thought along these lines...
    Offline

    10
    ReputationRep:
    (Original post by Channybaby)
    I wish my ex-girlfriend thought along these lines...
    So true.
    Offline

    12
    ReputationRep:
    I can never understand guys who want to have anal sex, it's just something that should be left alone! It's an orifice for exertion, not insertion..NO, just NO!! I am a guy, but I think guys who are fixated with Anal need to see a psychiatrist of some sorts.
    Offline

    10
    ReputationRep:
    (Original post by TheEnigmaUK)
    I can never understand guys who want to have anal sex, it's just something that should be left alone! It's an orifice for exertion, not insertion..NO, just NO!! I am a guy, but I think guys who are fixated with Anal need to see a psychiatrist of some sorts.
    Yes we're clearly disgusting troubled people. What's worse is that God did not make that orifice for sex, nor did he make the mouth for sex. We should only have sex when we are trying to have kids and if we go against gods wishes then we will rot in hell for all eternity.
    Offline

    15
    ReputationRep:
    Yeah there's this virgin guy I know who's obsessed with the idea of doing anal basically because he's seen too much porn. It's just not like that in real life. Saying that though...I know people who have done and enjoy so I think there's some kind of pleasure zone there
    Offline

    10
    ReputationRep:
    (Original post by Lucia.)
    Yeah there's this virgin guy I know who's obsessed with the idea of doing anal basically because he's seen too much porn. It's just not like that in real life. Saying that though...I know people who have done and enjoy so I think there's some kind of pleasure zone there
    There's definitely a pleasure zone. I was actually really obsessed with it too but it turned out to be...well not that great in real life. It's still something exciting to do once in a while, just because it's "naughty" and different.
    Offline

    12
    ReputationRep:
    (Original post by Lucia.)
    Yeah there's this virgin guy I know who's obsessed with the idea of doing anal basically because he's seen too much porn. It's just not like that in real life. Saying that though...I know people who have done and enjoy so I think there's some kind of pleasure zone there
    I believe the male G spot is located near the rectum, so I can understand if gay men have anal sex, as this is pleasurable for them, but I don't understand guys who constantly yap on about anal sex like it's a matter of life or death to try it lol. Also, guys watch too much porn these days, so they are confused between what's fantasy world and reality. In the adult business, women go for douches the day before a scene and eat light meals and plenty liquids on the day of the shoot to make sure they don't s**t all over the bed.
    Offline

    15
    ReputationRep:
    (Original post by Zamolxes)
    There's definitely a pleasure zone. I was actually really obsessed with it too but it turned out to be...well not that great in real life. It's still something exciting to do once in a while, just because it's "naughty" and different.
    My first boyfriend didn't give me a choice when it happened so that's why I'm saying it's something best done when you've got to know your partner better in the relationship.
    Offline

    12
    ReputationRep:
    Is your boyfriend actually saying things like "I saw this in porn, therefore we should do it" and "sex is boring because I watch porn"?

    That's not impossible, but a far more common situation is a guy saying "we should do x" or "sex is boring" and a girl adding on the porn references herself. It's a handy excuse when you're feeling inadequate - "oh, he's only dissatisfied because he's comparing me to all that 'fake' sex on the internet"...
    Offline

    15
    ReputationRep:
    (Original post by TheEnigmaUK)
    I believe the male G spot is located near the rectum, so I can understand if gay men have anal sex, as this is pleasurable for them, but I don't understand guys who constantly yap on about anal sex like it's a matter of life or death to try it lol. Also, guys watch too much porn these days, so they are confused between what's fantasy world and reality. In the adult business, women go for douches the day before a scene and eat light meals and plenty liquids on the day of the shoot to make sure they don't s**t all over the bed.
    Well the guy I'm talking about is from a muslim country where girls are supposed to save their virginity so I guess it makes sense it that context. Actually to go back to the thread topic, I think that it can be pleasurable (well I've heard some girls say that it is)

    To the OP, it's good to have a bit of give and take and try a few things but it has to be something you both enjoy so of course it is up to you how far you want to go especially if you're inexperienced and the whole thing is new to you.
 
 
 
Reply
Submit reply
Turn on thread page Beta
TSR Support Team

We have a brilliant team of more than 60 Support Team members looking after discussions on The Student Room, helping to make it a fun, safe and useful place to hang out.

Updated: December 1, 2011
Poll
Who is most responsible for your success at university

The Student Room, Get Revising and Marked by Teachers are trading names of The Student Room Group Ltd.

Register Number: 04666380 (England and Wales), VAT No. 806 8067 22 Registered Office: International House, Queens Road, Brighton, BN1 3XE

Write a reply...
Reply
Hide
Reputation gems: You get these gems as you gain rep from other members for making good contributions and giving helpful advice.