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    Anon or delete.

    I find it difficult to make friends. It’s not that I don’t try, I’m polite, I smile, I talk to people around me, and try and make small talk whenever I can but nothing ever develops. I’m now in my 3rd year of uni and guess what… Zero real friends. I don’t think the fact that I opted to commute helped my cause.
    I just don’t understand what I’m doing wrong. I’m a shy girl, it takes a while for me to get comfortable around people, but I’ve honestly tried to talk to people during lectures/seminars but apart from the usual ‘how are you, how’s was your weekend’ small talk, I don’t know how to carry it on. It gets awkward at times, I feel like I’m always the one asking questions just so I can keep the conversation going.

    I’ve been ok with the lack of friends for 2 years, but in one seminar, I was talking to some new guy who I hadn’t spoken and he was really friendly, this carried on for a few more seminars but during one class he said he didn’t know whether he should talk to me, he said he thought I wanted to be left alone as he never sees me with other people. I reassured him that I didn’t mind him talking, and now whenever I see him I wave and say hello but when he said that, it got me thinking. Hang on, maybe I’m giving off this ‘DO NOT APPROACH’ vibe.

    I feel like such a awkward social freak. How can I find it so difficult to make friends. It gets me down whenever my childhood friends talk about their friends at uni, it just makes me realise how much I miss having people to talk to. The past two years have been lonely.
    Recently my friend graduated, and she told me about it all, how all her friends were talking pictures, etc. and It made me so sad to think I’ll be graduating soon, I may have a degree at the end of it, but I won’t have any friends to celebrate with. I’ll have no-one there to hang around with during the ceremony, my family will finally realise what a looser I am.

    I text this friend who lives away, and on one occasion I had made plans to meet my childhood friends as I hadn’t seen them since they got back from uni. I told him I was going out with friends, and he replied with ‘with friends? But… you have no friends’ At that moment I honestly just wanted to cry. I’m not a sensitive person, but that comment really got to me. Probably because it’s true. I only have 3 friends and I’ve known them since childhood.
    I know the root of my shyness comes from my insecurity. I’ve never been the ‘pretty’ one. I have days when I hate everything about myself, and days when I think ‘**** it’.. I am who I am!

    I don’t know what I’m asking from tsr, I just needed a place to vent, and see if anyone else is in a similar situation.
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    Anon or delete.

    I find it difficult to make friends. It’s not that I don’t try, I’m polite, I smile, I talk to people around me, and try and make small talk whenever I can but nothing ever develops. I’m now in my 3rd year of uni and guess what… Zero real friends. I don’t think the fact that I opted to commute helped my cause.
    I just don’t understand what I’m doing wrong. I’m a shy girl, it takes a while for me to get comfortable around people, but I’ve honestly tried to talk to people during lectures/seminars but apart from the usual ‘how are you, how’s was your weekend’ small talk, I don’t know how to carry it on. It gets awkward at times, I feel like I’m always the one asking questions just so I can keep the conversation going.

    I’ve been ok with the lack of friends for 2 years, but in one seminar, I was talking to some new guy who I hadn’t spoken and he was really friendly, this carried on for a few more seminars but during one class he said he didn’t know whether he should talk to me, he said he thought I wanted to be left alone as he never sees me with other people. I reassured him that I didn’t mind him talking, and now whenever I see him I wave and say hello but when he said that, it got me thinking. Hang on, maybe I’m giving off this ‘DO NOT APPROACH’ vibe.

    I feel like such a awkward social freak. How can I find it so difficult to make friends. It gets me down whenever my childhood friends talk about their friends at uni, it just makes me realise how much I miss having people to talk to. The past two years have been lonely.
    Recently my friend graduated, and she told me about it all, how all her friends were talking pictures, etc. and It made me so sad to think I’ll be graduating soon, I may have a degree at the end of it, but I won’t have any friends to celebrate with. I’ll have no-one there to hang around with during the ceremony, my family will finally realise what a looser I am.

    I text this friend who lives away, and on one occasion I had made plans to meet my childhood friends as I hadn’t seen them since they got back from uni. I told him I was going out with friends, and he replied with ‘with friends? But… you have no friends’ At that moment I honestly just wanted to cry. I’m not a sensitive person, but that comment really got to me. Probably because it’s true. I only have 3 friends and I’ve known them since childhood.
    I know the root of my shyness comes from my insecurity. I’ve never been the ‘pretty’ one. I have days when I hate everything about myself, and days when I think ‘**** it’.. I am who I am!

    I don’t know what I’m asking from tsr, I just needed a place to vent, and see if anyone else is in a similar situation.
    Hey if anything TSR is a good place to vent, especially because of the anon feature. Maybe we can make this an image board? Just kidding.

    You also have loads of licensed psychiatrists to talk to here, like ME and a whole battalion of feminazi's

    But no seriously, making friends at Uni can sometimes be hard, though by year 3 you should have gotten to know most people in your class quite intimately, with projects and whatnot.

    In any case it does sound like you're giving off the "do not approach me" vibe. I'm afraid if you want more friends you're going to have to put yourself out there a bit more, talk to more people, suggest things to do and generally seem interested in being their friend.

    I really hope it works out for you. Oh and I know at least someone will suggest this but societies aren't a bad place to make friends, especially since you can meet people with similar interests.
    • #1
    • Thread Starter
    #1

    It's to late to join societies now, i really should have done that when i had started.

    Tbh i think whats worrying me more is, come graduation time when my family go to the ceremony, they'll see that i'm all alone. I Can handly being lonely, what i can't handle is for my family to realise i'm such a looser. At home i'm confident, talkative, but when i'm at uni i become shy and insecure.

    I honestly don't want to face going to graduation. I would rather skip it, but i know my family won't let me. Argh! Im so mad at myself.

    How do i put myself out there? after lectures everyone gets into their little group, i'm not confident enough to go upto a group and ask them to do something. Theres very little chance for me to actually suggest to do something after, everyone seems to have plans, places to go. They sort of dissapear after the lecture. Honestly by the time i reach the door, everyones vanished. :confused:

    I talk to a few people, but where not 'friends' in the sense that we talk outside of lectures.

    I don't know how im giving off this Do not approach vibe. I've tried being approachable, smiling, looking happy, etc. but theres obviously something i've neglected to do.

    I'm the only asian in my lecture, i have very little in common with everyone else, and they just don't seem interested. Its frustrating. 3 years.. Gosh, i must be a looser.
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    It's to late to join societies now, i really should have done that when i had started.

    Tbh i think whats worrying me more is, come graduation time when my family go to the ceremony, they'll see that i'm all alone. I Can handly being lonely, what i can't handle is for my family to realise i'm such a looser. At home i'm confident, talkative, but when i'm at uni i become shy and insecure.

    I honestly don't want to face going to graduation. I would rather skip it, but i know my family won't let me. Argh! Im so mad at myself.

    How do i put myself out there? after lectures everyone gets into their little group, i'm not confident enough to go upto a group and ask them to do something. Theres very little chance for me to actually suggest to do something after, everyone seems to have plans, places to go. They sort of dissapear after the lecture. Honestly by the time i reach the door, everyones vanished. :confused:

    I talk to a few people, but where not 'friends' in the sense that we talk outside of lectures.

    I don't know how im giving off this Do not approach vibe. I've tried being approachable, smiling, looking happy, etc. but theres obviously something i've neglected to do.

    I'm the only asian in my lecture, i have very little in common with everyone else, and they just don't seem interested. Its frustrating. 3 years.. Gosh, i must be a looser.
    Maybe you're just hot and everyone is intimidated? I don't know! But cmon it can't be too late to join societies!

    I do understand what you mean about people grouping up, they're very hard to approach and they do their own thing. Try making friends with the people you already speak with, suggest doing things outside lectures perhaps, that's what I mean by putting yourself out there. You can start lightly by asking about their plans/interests/etc and then try to do something outside lectures.

    If you manage to make friends with them you can then get into another group of friends and from there you can propagate, just like an exception propagates through the hierarchy of classes in a program. Oh yeah I totally nailed that.

    Just kidding. See I have a terrible sense of humour and I still manage to make friends, I'm sure you'll be fine.
 
 
 
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