The Student Room Group

Partners in the military

Basically, my boyfriend is going to join the RAF. He's 20 now, and its something he's wanted to do for years. We've been together for over a year, but I'm now wondering whether it would really be possible to maintain a relationship if he joins up. At the moment, he's at uni 100 miles away, and I only see him every 3 weeks or so during termtime, so having a distance relationship wouldn't be something entirely new.
Just wondered if anyone has any experience of having boy/girl friends in the forces. I don't really have much idea how often I'd see him, and I feel a bit guilty to ask him too much about it, because I don't want him to feel like I'm not supporting him.
Any advice appriciated,
cxxx
Reply 1
Hey,
awww - i feel for u- and i sympathise - im doing the long distance too.
Ive PMd u btw - id say u just got to try and have contact like email and stuff and chat on the phone and tell each other everything - like even if it seems really boring and dull.

xxx

btw forgot to mention - it will work as long as ur sure hes worth it and dont let other cynics tell u otherwise.

xxx
Reply 2
sorry but hes gonna turn out gay..
Reply 3
Mangaroo
sorry but hes gonna turn out gay..


I said the RAF you fool... not the navy.
very helpful mangaroo!

I would say, if you cant talk to him about your concerns, the relationship isnt where it should be at this stage! You need to talk about it. If he goes off on one about your not being supportive, ask where his support of you and your relationship is! This is as much gonna affect you as it will him! Dont let it just be his decision if you both want the relationship to keep going.

Ive been doind long distance over two years now, its not easy, it hurts like hell, but you just cope with it if you really love one another.
Mangaroo
sorry but hes gonna turn out gay..


What a stupid comment.


You could try the Armed Forces conference as there may be some people who have experience. You haven't said what your b/f's going in as, as that can make a difference as to where he is likely to be posted and when (some branches have longer training periods than others I believe). Also, for Officers I think it is often the case that the first tours of duty are not normally abroad, although that could well depend on what's going on in the World at the time.
They get weekends off, so you will still be able to see one another then (although during the first couple of weekends during initial training recruits aren't allowed off base).

Good luck.
Reply 6
Not my bf but one of my best friends is joining the RAF so I am kind of in the same position but not really if you see what I mean. Just as has been said before, stay in contact with him, let him know that you are there for him if he needs to talk about what he is going through. If you really want to make it work then I am sure it will.

Good luck

Oh and lets not insult the navy guys, they're not all gay

cx
Reply 7
He wants to apply to be a pilot officer, although if that doesn't work out, as an engineer. He's fairly set on going in at officer level, regardless. He was a flight sergeant in air cadets, which he was in at fro seven years. He's doing aeronautical engineering as a degree at the moment, so i suppose he stands a reasonably good chance of being successful.
Nice to know about it not ebing abroad :smile: Thanks for that, and for the helpful comments from other people :smile: xxx
Reply 8
yeesh just trying to add some satire humour..
If it's meant to be it will be. Initial Officer taining is quite strenuous, and they aren't allowed home for the first 4 weekends. And they sometimes get weekend restrictions, where they have to stay in due to doing something wrong, or someone else doing something wrong.
However, once they get through basic training and move into the College Hall Officers Mess, it becomes slightly more relaxed and you can go and stay, bearing in mind they have very busy weeks! They have functions which you can go to - Mid Course function (cocktail dress do, informal) halfway through the course, and the Graduation Parade - watch him parade, and then lunch with them and a massive party in the evening. This is only for around 8 months.
After that, he could get posted anywhere in the country before starting flying training at one of three places (in the midlands area) which will be for a few months. Once he is in a mess having graduated, you can go and stay whenever. The bar is cheap! And there are many mess functions during the year which are brilliant fun (and cheap) - Summer Ball, Christmas Draw are the main two, but they may celebrate things like Valentines day, oktoberfest, halloween etc.

Just remember, the first few years are likely to be stressful - flying training is just that!!
Things happen for a reason and if it's meant to work...it will.

Suggest you post in armed forces - there are a few people seeing military personnel, and some current mil people as well.
Reply 10
:smile: Thank you Inaspin. Yeah, I know it will be strenuous, thanks for the advice
xxx
Reply 11
Oy, whats with the navy = gay thing!..
The best thing about your boyfriend being in the forces is the uniform :p: (Just kidding!)

My fella joined the navy last September and I won't lie, the 8 weeks of basic training were hell! I was used to him being around all the time, then I ended up talking to him a couple of times a week or so! I would write (well still do :rolleyes:) and send him nice texts through the day.
The basic training thing is a totally different experience. He had his head completely shaved (that annoyed me at first!), up at 5 bed at 10 kinda thing, I remember once that one guy was being a idiot basically and they had to do their square bashing, (marching thing) for 3 hours solid in pouring down rain ... pretty harsh! And they get little privacy.. if any really!
So just be there for him to talk to and I wrote a lot to him when I was thinking of him and couldn't ring him etc. and he enjoyed getting the letters :smile:


I hated having to talk to him when he was in a mess with 24 lads... and we all know what lads aged 17-28 act like! :rolleyes:
Some days are worse than others, but if you really have something it'll last don't worry! Take one day at a time thing!

Also there's nothing better than going to pick him up from the train station on Friday nights when he's still in uniform :p:

He comes home near enough every weekend or every fortnight, so it's not so bad. As everyone in a long distance relationship knows, it never gets easier really!

"btw forgot to mention - it will work as long as ur sure hes worth it and dont let other cynics tell u otherwise."

I agree with that comment ^^^ Many of my friends thought I was stupid to continue the relationship, but I knew it was worth trying the long distance thing.

He's just been given his ship for 3 months in summer, and I really don't want to think what that'll be like!
But I'll cross that bridge when I come to it!

Just generally stick with it, be there for him when he needs you. All will be fine! As he's at uni you'll already be kinda used to the distance thing...
Want anymore advice etc. just PM me :smile:
Hannah xx
Reply 12
"Also there's nothing better than going to pick him up from the train station on Friday nights when he's still in uniform "

Hehe, yeah - will be one thing to look forward to I guess!
Nice to know that you see him quite often at weekends. I guess the thing that I was scared about was having to go weeks and weeks without seeing him, without a lot of msn time etc.
cxxx
Don't forget to send him naked pictures of yourself to keep him occupied. It will also give the guys in his section a mission.
Reply 14
TomInPortsmouth
Don't forget to send him naked pictures of yourself to keep him occupied. It will also give the guys in his section a mission.


He has some already ^-^*
shinyhappy
He has some already ^-^*

Lol So will the rest of the guys in his section :biggrin: