The Student Room Group

When you leave home

I'm not a soppy person or a 'mummy or daddy's ' girl but I do get on very well with my parents and enjoy their company, therefore I will miss them when i go to university, although i know obviously they'll visit a lot and so will i. However a weird part of me feels a bit bad, like by leaving i'm taking an aspect of their life away, which isn't particularly a very nice way of repaying them for all that they've done for me! Obviously it's just another stage in life that you adapt to, and i will, and so will they, but i was wondering if these feelings were abnormal? I suppose these feelings come from the idea that i've never liked the whole 'growing up' idea, possibly a bit weird but hey.
I don't think they're abnormal, but you shouldn't feel guilty for leaving to go to uni - that's a part of life as well and your relationship with your parents shouldn't stop you from leading your life as you should do.
Reply 2
"like by leaving i'm taking an aspect of their life away"

You think they would prefer you to become some kind of hermit and live in their house for the rest of your life? Methinks they'll be enjoying some 'mummy-daddy' time, if ya know what I mean :wink: *hint-hint* know what I mean?


Personally I picked the furthest unis from my parents that I could, so no real advice here.
Reply 3
Well I'm not a person who feels self important but i would say that they will notice a change about the place when they find that i'm gone after nearly 19 years of being in literally constant company with me. Furthermore i have said i know it's a normal change and wouldn't no leave, BUT i just wanted to know if the feelings were abnormal.
Reply 4
nah, the feelings are totally normal - uni is a massive change in your life and so is the whole 'growing up' thing.

Don't worry about it at all, just enjoy it!
Reply 5
The feelings are normal. I'm kind of worried of leaving home when i go to university especially leaving my twin sister because we will both be in unis around but 4 hours away. The phone bill will be expensive and long.
Reply 6
Totally Normal feelings, I was the same as I spent alot of time with my mum at home and felt guilty. I still do sometimes when I talk on the phone to her and shes home alone when dads at work but at the end of the day im sure theyd much prefer you to go to uni and have fun, as im sure its something they want for you, and to get a degree. (If there anything like my parents they'll be hinting that you'll need a good job to support them when there older :wink: Gah.)
Reply 7
Lucky you to have such a great relationship with them! I can't wait to leave my mother!!
Reply 8
I'm almost certain they will be wanting you to move on and life your own life and enjoy being with other people and having amazing experiences. I'm sure they love you and want you to lead your own life. I miss talking to my mum in the kitchen and stuff, but it means when I go home it's really lovely. It's not like we can't talk on the phone and it is just part of growing up. Think of all the exciting things you can tell them and how proud you'll make them - that's better than having a 19 year old moping around the house living a miserable life still in the family nest.
Reply 9
different?
I'm not a soppy person or a 'mummy or daddy's ' girl but I do get on very well with my parents and enjoy their company, therefore I will miss them when i go to university, although i know obviously they'll visit a lot and so will i. However a weird part of me feels a bit bad, like by leaving i'm taking an aspect of their life away, which isn't particularly a very nice way of repaying them for all that they've done for me! Obviously it's just another stage in life that you adapt to, and i will, and so will they, but i was wondering if these feelings were abnormal? I suppose these feelings come from the idea that i've never liked the whole 'growing up' idea, possibly a bit weird but hey.


Your feelings aren't abnormal, but it is inesvitable that eventually you won't live with your parents and they have always known that.
I really wouldn't feel guilty about that. I suppose yes you may be taking something away from them, especially if you are the youngest child or an only child, they may want to hold on to you!
But don't feel bad, you are not treating them badly by moving out and i am pretty certain they won't feel that way.
I'm a youngest child and am going away in September, and yes i do feel a bit bad knowing that my parents will miss having me around, but im also excited because i am moving on with my life, and they are happy for me to do that too.
Reply 10
I would say that for me, leaving home to go to uni made my relationship with my family better. You're lucky to have such a good relationship with them to start with.
HOWEVER, a word of caution - I would advise you and your parents not to visit too often as it may prevent you getting fully involved with your life at uni. If you're constantly keeping your eye on when you're going home next or whatever then it may detract from your experiences at uni. I think most people here, unless they live really close to uni, tend to go home just once a term (if at all) and I think this is about right. I communicate with my mum and dad in loads of different ways - phone, email, MSN, letters...you don't need to keep going home and keep having them visit you to maintain your relationship with them. Plus, think of it this way, most of the people around you will not be going home half the time and having their parents hanging around for the other half!! Are you an only child by any chance?
It is a big step to leave home even if you're coming back, and it's a transition that is bound to be a little bit difficult and unsettling. It's important to remember though that all your life your relationship with your parents changes, and leaving home, whether for uni or otherwise, is part of that transition.
Reply 11
I'm an only child, and I felt exactly the same way when I first went to uni. Then I realised that I can only do what's best for me, and trust that my parents would understand that I was doing what I had to do to be happy - because that's really all your parents want for you, that you'll enjoy yourself and be content in your life. I won't lie, it'll feel strange at first, but soon enough you'll settle into a pattern of seeing your parents just enough to keep all of you happy.

Plus, when you first go away, it's easy to look back on things with rose tinted specs and forget all the things your parents did that drove you insane while you were living at home. Make a list now so you don't forget, then you can look at it and think "actually, I'm better off here"!
Reply 12
Thanks for all your thoughts and advice, I am an only child so that probably means the feelings are emphasised for me, also I was never really allowed to do many sleepovers etc so it's going to all be a big shock to the system! I suppose big changes in life which don't happen gradually sort of make me a bit wary at first anyway, but in the end you just get on with it and maybe even not notice it so much.
Yeah, I know that feeling! Its even worse for me because I don't have a dad, and my younger brother doesn't really get on with our mum. :frown: I still do realise that this is about me, and I should pick the best option...

norelle
Plus, when you first go away, it's easy to look back on things with rose tinted specs and forget all the things your parents did that drove you insane while you were living at home. Make a list now so you don't forget, then you can look at it and think "actually, I'm better off here"!


That's the point, I have never had arguments with my mum... Very close, always...


good luck
Reply 14
It's great that you have such a good relationship with your parents; I too get on with mine very well (generally speaking). The fact that you do means that they must be good parents and as a result would want nothing but the best for you. Its a hard but necessary part of life to move away and whow them how much you appreciate them by coming home with a big pile of dirty washing:smile: They will probably miss you but will, I'm pretty sure, rather you went and lived life, rather than sat with them to keep them company. In practical terms it's a bit hard to stomach but it is the better option for all concerned I think.

Best of luck.
Reply 15
Do not worry about it. You'll be fine. But looking at my life i love my parents and get on really really well. However in my religion, sikhism, the boy always stays in the family, so i am not really that concerned!