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    • Thread Starter
    #1

    Hi everyone

    Apologies if this turns out to be a long post but I need to let everything out. I've been feeling down for quite a while, but it seems to have magnified over the last week.

    Over a week ago I told my mother I was gay. I'm 25 years old, and have moved back home from Uni since August. Anyway, I came out after a heavy drinking session alone when I woke my mother up at 3am by being sick. I've been drinking quite heavily for quite a while and usually drink every day (I don't get drunk every day just have a couple of cans). I'm actually sat typing this up with a can in my hand. Since last week, my mother has been very accepting of me being gay. However, I just feel disgusted and the fact that this secret that i've been keeping for the past 12 years is know known about. She hasn't told anybody else in the family though which i'm in two minds about, mabye she thinks i'm not ready, or maybe she's ashamed and doesn't want anybody else to know (yet).

    I don't have any gay friends, i don't go to gay clubs and i'm a pretty straight acting guy. I get down that I don't get the chance to go out on the gay scene as I have nobody to go with, the friends that I do have are 'straight guys' who love football. It really gets me down because without sounding big headed, i'm quite a good looking guy, I live in a small town with hardly any other gays. I've tried the sites and mobile apps, and do get a bit of attention, but they usually want sex. I just want someone to talk to and experience the gay scene before I get 'too old'. I am interested in meeting a guy for a relationship but I want to build friendships first, there just doens't seem to be any gay guys around here to meet up with for a drink or stuff.

    I do have a job, I work 30 hours per week in Retail, however, since finishing Uni i've been applying for other jobs but keep getting rejections. That gets me down, I know I shouldn't take it personally and it's very competitive out there but it's kind of annoying and it makes me wonder if it was worth wasting £18k to go to Uni.

    I tend to sleep quite a lot and have no energy/motivation to do anything else. Somedays I stay in bed until 2pm as I have nothing to do. I hate being like this. The awful thing is, whilst i'm lying in bed, I have 'fantasies' about 'slashing my wrists' or 'hanging myself'. I know 100% that I would never go through with it though. From the age of about 15 through to about 22 I got into the habit of self-harming on and off. I'd go through phases of it, and have NEVER told anyone or been found out. I'd cut myself with a knife or broken beer glass, I do have scars on my arm but if anyone mentions it I just tell them it was my dog that did it. I hate wearing t-shirts for this reason.

    I just don't know what to do. I hate finishing work at 8pm in the evening and then spend the rest of the evening watching TV whilst somebody my age should be out there having a life. As sad as it is, the only highlight of my day is when I go to work, I put on this 'happy' face as no-one there would suspect me of feeling like this.

    I also have anger problems too. Especially when i'm driving, if the other driver makes a mistake (I always believe it to be their fault) then I won't just beep my horn, i take things further by following them (for miles in some cases) and intimidate them. I feel disgusted with myself for doing this.

    I feel really lonely and have done so for many years. I just don't know how much more I can take. I'm a nice guy, I get on well with people, on the outside people may think i'm confident, I take care of myself, I wear nice clothes and have nice things.

    As its nearly the end of the year, as with every year thats gone, I look back and think what a waste this year has been. I've achieved nothing that I was I would back in January and I know next month i'll make the same old promises that I do every year and will no doubt be in the same position next year complaining about how sad my life is. It's not even as i've i'm a teenager, I'm a 25 year old man for God sake.

    My mother has suggested that maybe I need to speak to someone and she thinks I may be depressed. What do I do?

    I'm sure there is loads more I could say, but i'm typing this out as fast as I can and will leave it at that for now.

    Please can anyone give me some advice. Be nice please.

    Thanks for listening.
    • #2
    #2

    I know this is a big step but i think you should move, otherwise you'll be doing the same boring routine for ever... look for a job in one of the main cities or something where the night life is better so you have more to do. don't get yourself down!
    • #3
    #3

    (Original post by Anonymous)
    Hi everyone

    Apologies if this turns out to be a long post but I need to let everything out. I've been feeling down for quite a while, but it seems to have magnified over the last week.

    Over a week ago I told my mother I was gay. I'm 25 years old, and have moved back home from Uni since August. Anyway, I came out after a heavy drinking session alone when I woke my mother up at 3am by being sick. I've been drinking quite heavily for quite a while and usually drink every day (I don't get drunk every day just have a couple of cans). I'm actually sat typing this up with a can in my hand. Since last week, my mother has been very accepting of me being gay. However, I just feel disgusted and the fact that this secret that i've been keeping for the past 12 years is know known about. She hasn't told anybody else in the family though which i'm in two minds about, mabye she thinks i'm not ready, or maybe she's ashamed and doesn't want anybody else to know (yet).

    I don't have any gay friends, i don't go to gay clubs and i'm a pretty straight acting guy. I get down that I don't get the chance to go out on the gay scene as I have nobody to go with, the friends that I do have are 'straight guys' who love football. It really gets me down because without sounding big headed, i'm quite a good looking guy, I live in a small town with hardly any other gays. I've tried the sites and mobile apps, and do get a bit of attention, but they usually want sex. I just want someone to talk to and experience the gay scene before I get 'too old'. I am interested in meeting a guy for a relationship but I want to build friendships first, there just doens't seem to be any gay guys around here to meet up with for a drink or stuff.

    I do have a job, I work 30 hours per week in Retail, however, since finishing Uni i've been applying for other jobs but keep getting rejections. That gets me down, I know I shouldn't take it personally and it's very competitive out there but it's kind of annoying and it makes me wonder if it was worth wasting £18k to go to Uni.

    I tend to sleep quite a lot and have no energy/motivation to do anything else. Somedays I stay in bed until 2pm as I have nothing to do. I hate being like this. The awful thing is, whilst i'm lying in bed, I have 'fantasies' about 'slashing my wrists' or 'hanging myself'. I know 100% that I would never go through with it though. From the age of about 15 through to about 22 I got into the habit of self-harming on and off. I'd go through phases of it, and have NEVER told anyone or been found out. I'd cut myself with a knife or broken beer glass, I do have scars on my arm but if anyone mentions it I just tell them it was my dog that did it. I hate wearing t-shirts for this reason.

    I just don't know what to do. I hate finishing work at 8pm in the evening and then spend the rest of the evening watching TV whilst somebody my age should be out there having a life. As sad as it is, the only highlight of my day is when I go to work, I put on this 'happy' face as no-one there would suspect me of feeling like this.

    I also have anger problems too. Especially when i'm driving, if the other driver makes a mistake (I always believe it to be their fault) then I won't just beep my horn, i take things further by following them (for miles in some cases) and intimidate them. I feel disgusted with myself for doing this.

    I feel really lonely and have done so for many years. I just don't know how much more I can take. I'm a nice guy, I get on well with people, on the outside people may think i'm confident, I take care of myself, I wear nice clothes and have nice things.

    As its nearly the end of the year, as with every year thats gone, I look back and think what a waste this year has been. I've achieved nothing that I was I would back in January and I know next month i'll make the same old promises that I do every year and will no doubt be in the same position next year complaining about how sad my life is. It's not even as i've i'm a teenager, I'm a 25 year old man for God sake.

    My mother has suggested that maybe I need to speak to someone and she thinks I may be depressed. What do I do?

    I'm sure there is loads more I could say, but i'm typing this out as fast as I can and will leave it at that for now.

    Please can anyone give me some advice. Be nice please.

    Thanks for listening.
    Apart from the 'gay' part you sound exactly like me........though I dont have a job outside the house, so im in eve more of a rut than you.
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    make a real account and pm me. i'm more or less in the exact situation. maybe we could help each other out.
 
 
 
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