Am in a palava.
After having broken up with a longterm boyfriend recently, one of my best friends (male) turned round and declared that he'd always had a 'thing' for me and that he'd been waiting for my old boyfriend to get lost. We'd had a few brief romantic encounters pre-then, but it never really amounted to much. At the time, I was still a bit shell-shocked after a messy breakup and told him words to the effect of "Eat my shed." Not provocatively. Conclusively.
Friendship was royally screwed up for a bit, but then I started to feel something for him too... over the last few months there have been a series of encounters, culminating in a bit of a 'nuit de passion' (nothing too outrageous, but enough!) which was lovely... but there are complications which are peeving me off.
Because we know each so well, and we are so close to leaving school (and going to different unis) there is little point in us starting a relationship. Also, I know he has other girls on the go and I can feel myself being just another ticked box on his list, or just something to fill the time while his other relationships are "pending".
I can be as feisty as they come whenever he's not around, but then whenever he is I feel myself lose all manbashing feminism and going immensely putty-like.
the fact is, he is a right poser and someone i even take the mickey out of when around close friends. he has many stupid pretentious pastimes and writes self glorifying plays, but a lot of fun. however, our friendship has changed to this awkwardness now in which we are both clearly wanting to talk about what th deal is with us, but neither wants to bring it up first. i pretend that this friends with benefits situation is fine because we both dont want a relationship etc, but really i know i am in danger of falling for him unless i do something drastic. and the mind games are driving me insane.
would it be awful for us to become **** buddies? would it be a complete case of surrendered dignity? what the bejesus do i do!
many thanks in anticipation of the pearls of wisdom that are to come.