The Student Room Group

"Friends with benefits"

Am in a palava.

After having broken up with a longterm boyfriend recently, one of my best friends (male) turned round and declared that he'd always had a 'thing' for me and that he'd been waiting for my old boyfriend to get lost. We'd had a few brief romantic encounters pre-then, but it never really amounted to much. At the time, I was still a bit shell-shocked after a messy breakup and told him words to the effect of "Eat my shed." Not provocatively. Conclusively.

Friendship was royally screwed up for a bit, but then I started to feel something for him too... over the last few months there have been a series of encounters, culminating in a bit of a 'nuit de passion' (nothing too outrageous, but enough!) which was lovely... but there are complications which are peeving me off.

Because we know each so well, and we are so close to leaving school (and going to different unis) there is little point in us starting a relationship. Also, I know he has other girls on the go and I can feel myself being just another ticked box on his list, or just something to fill the time while his other relationships are "pending".

I can be as feisty as they come whenever he's not around, but then whenever he is I feel myself lose all manbashing feminism and going immensely putty-like.

the fact is, he is a right poser and someone i even take the mickey out of when around close friends. he has many stupid pretentious pastimes and writes self glorifying plays, but a lot of fun. however, our friendship has changed to this awkwardness now in which we are both clearly wanting to talk about what th deal is with us, but neither wants to bring it up first. i pretend that this friends with benefits situation is fine because we both dont want a relationship etc, but really i know i am in danger of falling for him unless i do something drastic. and the mind games are driving me insane.

would it be awful for us to become **** buddies? would it be a complete case of surrendered dignity? what the bejesus do i do!

many thanks in anticipation of the pearls of wisdom that are to come.
Good luck, there was lots of sexual tension between myself and my best girl friend for ages and ages. all my friends saw it but we just flirted a lot and really enjoyed each others company. something happened, it got so awkward that we havent spoken for a month almost. quite sad really.
Reply 2
Well the fact that you know you're in danger of falling for him tells me you should definitely be weary of doing it!! If he only wants you for sex and yet you end up falling for him.. well its gonna hurt!
Plus the fact that you're having doubts kind of tells me that you're not that comfortable with the situation... maybe you should just see how it goes and think a LOT about whether u could deal with meaningless sex. I know in theory it seems like a good idea, but I dont think I would be able to deal with the hurt that might come with it!
If you understand there's little likelyhood of anything longer happening and you're cool with that , you're staying safe then why not???
Reply 4
You two obviously have great chemistry...so why not try to develop it into a relationship? You're unlikely to continue it after A-levels, so if it didn't work out, you would barely see one another.
I don't think 'friends with benefits' is quite the way to go, though, especially as you "started to feel something for him", and the "putty-like" feelings.
Maybe he poses a lot etc. b/c he is insecure? Has he had any meaningful relationships with women? He may have real feelings for you, but be scared of really putting himself out there.
I had a friend like this, and he wrecked a relationship with the girl of his dreams b/c he was scared.

p.s. love you're use of 'bejesus' and 'palava'!! :p: