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Abortion

What should I do?

I’m 18 and I was looking forward to starting at university at the end of September. Now I don I know what to do because last week I discovered that was pregnant. My boyfriend, John, is 19 and we’ve had a relationship for over a year. Neither of us is ready for this. John says that he will stand by me but I know he really wants me to have an abortion. I’m worried that if I do I’ll not be able to live with myself afterwards. -
I’m dreading telling mum. I know that she will be so angry and she has so much to do since dad walked out on us. She has a full-time job and already has to cope with my younger brother and sister in a three-bed roomed terrace house. Please help me. I don’t know what to do. I’m willing to consider any sensible advice.

This is not from me or anyone I know, it is actually homework to provide the advice. Now I have done the hw but I am just wondering, how would people here have answered the question?

Reply 1

meathead1987

1

Have the abortion, u wouldnt feel terrible with yourself forever, maybe a month or so. But if u had the baby it would ruin your life. ie No uni, mum harder up, and your bf would probably leave u.

Reply 2

randdom

20

Ok well there are a number of options in this situation

1) Decide to have that baby and put plans for the uni to the side for a few year. There is help available to allow people who have had children to go to university so that isn't out out of the question. Sit the mother down and explane the situation to her she probably will be very upset but hopefully that will pass.

2) Decide to have the baby and then put the child up for adoption at birth. This is by no means a decision to be taken lightly and it is deffinately not an easy option.

3) Tell the mother and let her support the daughter through an abortion. While she may be upset to start with hopefully she will be supportive and along with a supportive boyfriend would make the entire process easier

4) Don't tell the mother and go to have an abortion without her knowledge but with the support of the boyfriend. This may on the surface seem like an easier option but the mothers support won't be there. Plus the mother will very likely be upset if she ever finds out.

Reply 3

FireDeuce

14

Have the baby and give it up for adoption

Reply 4

Little Girl Red

1

Have the baby and put your plans on hold for a year. Everybody I know who's had the baby when they got pregnant young have eventually said "it was the best thing I ever did."
If you have an abortion it will drive you crazy thinking about what might have been. Uni isn't out of the question, even with a child, although it would probably be a lot harder. If your boyfriend says he will stand by you then he should still be there for you and the baby.

Reply 5

awkward_eagle

1

Have the baby, you can always go to university later in your life, the next year or whatever, whereas you won't get another chance to have this baby. Once you abort it, it's gone, dead, and you could end up regretting that for the rest of your life. Tell your mum about it and she will hopefully support you. Your boyfriend has also said he'll be there for you. It is a life-changing decision to have a baby, but with the suport of your family and friends you will still be able to go to uni and get what you want out of life. :smile:

Reply 6

Anonymous #1

I was in a similar situation and I had an abortion. My boyfriend was very supportive and I'm thankful for that. I didn't tell my parents, and I don't intend to. I was extremely relieved after I had had the termination as it was finally over, but now (2 years later) I really regret having it. Well, I wouldn't say regret it, but it is very upsetting to think back on what I did. Knowing that I ended my baby's life on purpose just to suit me was a terrible thing to do, but I was just 15 and didn't feel I would be able to cope...I had my GCSE's coming up, then A Levels; all so much I wanted to do.

Now though, if I fell pregnant (I'm still with the same boyfriend) I would seriosuly consider keeping it. I'm at a more stable part of my life. I would be able to complete my A Levels whilst pregnant, and then take a year out before going to Uni to spend time with my boyfriend and my baby. I would be much more stronger this time than I was before, and I couldn not cope with the same pain that I feel inside now for what I have done.

Reply 7

Jonatan

13

Personally, I'd say that bringing a baby into the world is not something one should do if one have doubts about it. Taking care of a baby is a huge responsibility and one should only decide to have a baby if one is prepared to take care of the child and prepared to make every sacrafice for its good.

I don't view abortion in the early stages of pregnancy as killing a baby. Life does not start at conception, nor at birth, nor at any fixed point during pregnancy. Do you feel you could be a responsible mother and that you are ready to give a baby the best of you at all times? If not I would say it is rather irresponsible to bring a child into this world. Adoption is an option, but quite frankly that is more like handing the responsibility over to someone else.

Don't fool yourself this is not an easy decision and there is no real reason why going through with the pregnancy is necessarily "the right thing" to do. A fertlised egg is not a human ( if in doubt, you can split it in two and get two babies. Hardly a property common amongst most humans ). However, it is fairly obvious that the embryo develops into a conscious person long before birth, early deliveries are not always fatal for the baby as an example. Life is not a clear cut thing, and to decide whether to go through with a pregnancy or not will never be easy. People telling you otherwise quite frankly have no clue what they are talking about.

Reply 8

lovelee-jublee

12

Jonatan

Personally, I'd say that bringing a baby into the world is not something one should do if one have doubts about it. Taking care of a baby is a huge responsibility and one should only decide to have a baby if one is prepared to take care of the child and prepared to make every sacrafice for its good.

I don't view abortion in the early stages of pregnancy as killing a baby. Life does not start at conception, nor at birth, nor at any fixed point during pregnancy. Do you feel you could be a responsible mother and that you are ready to give a baby the best of you at all times? If not I would say it is rather irresponsible to bring a child into this world. Adoption is an option, but quite frankly that is more like handing the responsibility over to someone else.

Don't fool yourself this is not an easy decision and there is no real reason why going through with the pregnancy is necessarily "the right thing" to do. A fertlised egg is not a human ( if in doubt, you can split it in two and get two babies. Hardly a property common amongst most humans ). However, it is fairly obvious that the embryo develops into a conscious person long before birth, early deliveries are not always fatal for the baby as an example. Life is not a clear cut thing, and to decide whether to go through with a pregnancy or not will never be easy. People telling you otherwise quite frankly have no clue what they are talking about.

I have to disagree with you there. For me, life begins when the heart starts beating.

Reply 9

Katia

6

If I was that set on University and making my career, I would have the abortion.

----------
Let's not start the for/against argument with abortion, please..

Reply 10

xXMessedUpXx

15

I'd have gone with have the abortion, but ensure that you seek counselling after. Had i been in that situation that is what i would have donw, and being nearly a year into uni now i'd still do that. There is no way i could have brought up a child, nor could i have gone through the pregnacy to then give the child up for adoption. I think having it would have been unfair on the child, as you could never have given it the right quality of life it would deserve and in some carse you have to out yourself first.

Reply 11

Apricot Fairy

16

I think it's a bad idea to advise someone else to have an abortion. You don't know how the other person will feel about it in years to come. The best advice is simply to give as much information as possible, as impartially as possible.

Reply 12

Ariel4

1

I think that must be a really difficult position to be in, and i would hate it. i think that if i had the baby, then that would put all my career plans on hold, and i think it would be very difficult to get back into it. its a lot of hard work, you are responsible for a whole life. you will have to pretty much give up your social life. then theres the money issues, without a good career, could i give a baby a good life? i would find it hard if the guy wasnt going to stay with me, but i wouldnt let that change my decision. however, at the end of all that, you have a child, something that you have made, and its a part of you.
i personally dont think i could have an abortion. as much as i agree with it in certain circumstances, i would feel like i had taken away a life. i think i would feel incredibly guilty, and that wouldnt go away.

Reply 13

Elusive Moose

1

I think what someone did in this situation and how you'd feel afterwards completely depends on what your personal opinion on when life begins. If you begin that life begins at conception, then you're obviously going to be a lot more reluctant to have an abortion than someone who doesn't believe the baby's really 'alive' until birth, or later on.

I'd have the abortion, but it's such a personal decision that I'd say they had to consider every option really carefully, and talk them over both with her boyfriend and Mum. Would they mind putting university on hold, or could they cope with putting the child up for adoption and possibly having to confront this in the future? I'd say that a lot of questions need to be asked...

Reply 14

Anonymous #2

I believe life begins at conception. The constituent cells are alive and as all have human DNA and 46 chromosones or whatever, then it is human life. That's why I'm in favor of outlawing third trimester abortions, limiting second trimester to either rape, deformity or mother's health and allowing states or municipal legislatures to limit and control first trimester abortions without actually banning them outright.

In the situation you ask about I'd not advise either way. It would be a personal choice and one especially a man would not be qualified to make. I don't believe doctors or anyone employed by the state should have the authority to advise or imply that anyone should have a termination.

Reply 15

littlemissalex

13

Dont have a baby you will regret having because at this minute you are obviously not ready and it will seem like an inconvinience not a pleasure. Its going to stop you from studying and unlike what somebody said, you cant exactly wake up and study later on, its going to be hard with a kid to just wake up and start uni.. what will you do at home? sit around and take care of the kid? What a life! (yes i know some ppl go to study afterwards, but why not now when you have the opportunity?)
You can have a child whenever you want, and it wont be pressurising your family or yourself. Its your choice. Are you emotionally ready for a child? Are you willing to give up your studies for 10yrs at least to take care of your child?

Reply 16

xXMessedUpXx

15

Airport Fairy

I think it's a bad idea to advise someone else to have an abortion. You don't know how the other person will feel about it in years to come. The best advice is simply to give as much information as possible, as impartially as possible.

Well i think its a bad idea to advise someone to keep it, but thats what plenty of others have said

Besides the OP was asking for opinions anyway

Reply 17

cheesecakebobby

9

I love abortion. It's like women's emancipation all over again.

Reply 18

MagicNMedicine

20

Before I went to university I used to work in a college of further education where lots of the girls were 16-21 and had at least one child. None of them said that having a child was holding them back from furthering their education, they worked around it and they became much more mature and resourceful people from the experience, besides having the incentive to work to give their child a better future and a role model.

It is a very daunting and difficult situation for a young woman to find herself pregnant, and her decision has got to be her own. However I don't for one minute believe the oft-propagated myth that having a child younger than you planned will ruin your life or prevent you from doing the things you want to do.

Reply 19

Mangaroo

12

if this is homework than treat it like any ethical dilema: explain the effects of both situations without coming to a concrete decision (ie not telling her what to do, but making her more prepared to make a more informed decision BY HERSELF).

come on, you all knew that really..

Abortion

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