Best friend issue...

Right, here's my problem, sorry if I bore you :redface:

...

I've been with my boyfriend for 2 years and 4 months and we've got a great relationship, always have done. My best friend was "in love" with him before we got together and used to practically stalk him, even though he told her he had no interest in her. Anyway, we got together and she seemed to accept it and we were all good, going out together as a 3 and stuff. I've been there for her through some very bad times and so has she for me. She always seemed to rely on me to be there for her and would always come to me. Since we started colleges - me and her are at different ones - we've drifted apart and she seems to have lots of new friends.

We hardly see each other and I told her how I was feeling pushed aside and she said, "You're the best thing ever and I will never replace you, you've been there for me through thick and thin..etc. " She has a boyfriend now too, and they've been together about 6 weeks and have already slept with each other, even though he was a virgin. I seem to criticize her for this - even though this was the same in my case, except I was a virgin and my boyfriend wasn't.

The thing is, even though I'm feeling pushed aside, when she asks if we can meet up and do something, I make excuses and don't want to meet her. I don't know why and I feel very mean. I sort of resent her for having new friends and a new boyfriend, like I'm jealous of her. But at the same time I'm trying to be happy for her, because she's finally happy and in love. But I just can't be happy and I feel really resentful. When she talks about her boyfriend I feel like saying "SHUT UP!" and I really don't want to hear it. Why can't I be happy for her? I have friends, a perfect boyfriend and I'm a really happy and outgoing person. I love life. But I'm still been a bitch to her for having the same as me. :confused:

I'm really upset with myself for been this way, but I can't stop/help it.

I'll appreciate any advice and help, but please don't flame me - I already feel bad enough as it is. :frown:

Reply 1

ebonyphoenix

1

I really think you need to look at this maturely and realize that your while your friend has met new people and a new boyfriend, this doesn't mean she still can't be friends with you. You both have separate lives from each other and it is good to be apart some of the time; this doesn't mean the friendship has to weaken any. I can understand your jealousy, but you need to realize how difficult it must have been for your friend when you started dating the guy she loved- if she still can stand by you after that, then she's a real friend. And frankly it sounds to me that you have relatively little to complain about after what she has been through. You have friends, a great boyfriend, and a good life; I find it hard to understand why you wouldn't want the same for your friend? Come on, grow up.

Reply 2

Katia

OP

6

ebonyphoenix

I really think you need to look at this maturely and realize that your while your friend has met new people and a new boyfriend, this doesn't mean she still can't be friends with you. You both have separate lives from each other and it is good to be apart some of the time; this doesn't mean the friendship has to weaken any. I can understand your jealousy, but you need to realize how difficult it must have been for your friend when you started dating the guy she loved- if she still can stand by you after that, then she's a real friend. And frankly it sounds to me that you have relatively little to complain about after what she has been through. You have friends, a great boyfriend, and a good life; I find it hard to understand why you wouldn't want the same for your friend? Come on, grow up.

Thanks for the advice...I know what you mean, I do need to grow up, it's just weird :frown:

I do want her to be happy, but I never get to see her and I feel it's her fault we never see each other, so when she tries to arrange something, I feel like saying "Get lost", anyway, I'll sort it out I guess. Thanks.

Reply 3

Mangaroo

12

your a lez, either that or you were only ever friends with her because she was a loser and so in comparison she made you feel good about yourself.

Reply 4

Mangaroo

12

sorry im in a bad mood =P

Reply 5

Cirsium

19

Been there - when I went to secondary school (ok long time ago I know but trust me it's the same situation) my best friend went to the other comp in our area. That summer we both had hols at different times so we weren't hanging out every day anyway and then we just found ourselves hanging out less and less. Whenever one of us asked to meet up the other would push away. We were so scared of losing each other, we made it even worse. Make the effort, give yourself a good talking to. Better yet invite her to do something so you can't back out :wink:

Reply 6

Student_Bum

1

sounds like you really enjoyed having her around when you felt like you were in a better position than her. You sound like you loved the fact that you had a boyfriend (that she used to really like) while she didnt and that she used to rely on you . It made you feel important. Now that she doesnt rely on you and she has a boyfriend and lots of new friends, you feel insecure because you aren't "better" than her anymore.

she's better without you to be honest.

Reply 7

Katia

OP

6

Student_Bum

sounds like you really enjoyed having her around when you felt like you were in a better position than her. You sound like you loved the fact that you had a boyfriend (that she used to really like) while she didnt and that she used to rely on you . It made you feel important. Now that she doesnt rely on you and she has a boyfriend and lots of new friends, you feel insecure because you aren't "better" than her anymore.

she's better without you to be honest.

If that's what you think/feel, then fine. :smile:

But I can assure you, it's not like that, because I never felt/feel better than anyone. No one in this world is better than anybody and it'd take an ugly person (not appearance, for the record) to say that they were better than one. I love her to bits, I really do and I never want her to be unhappy and have never felt better than her because I had a boyfriend at all. I hate myself for been this way with her.

Yeah, I am quite insecure in myself - not because she's "better" than me, but because of some issues from my past - and have very little confidence, it's only recently that I've started to enjoy life. My family life has been pretty disfunctional to say the least and things have really only just started to go 'normal' again... As I said, she was there for me also, through bad s**t, wasn't just me been there for her...

She's better off without me? Maybe so. Thing is she tells me constantly she loves me and that I'm "a great person and friend" and that she "wouldn't know what to do without me". So I don't think she would be "better off without me", in her eyes/opinion...Meh, I'm just confused, I don't know, I guess I need a BIG talk with her, 'cause i don't want to hurt her, ever. :frown:

your a lez, either that or you were only ever friends with her because she was a loser and so in comparison she made you feel good about yourself.

Not quite, she's not a loser and she's amazingly talented, generous, kind etc....Btw, she's bisexual and I'm not that way inclined, thanks :smile:

Reply 8

Mangaroo

12

Some people are better than others, dont be so naiive :P

Best friend issue...

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