Cant stop thinking about another girl

My gf and I have been going out for about 3 months now, but recently Ive been thinking a lot about this other girl. The other girl and I are friends, not really what you would call close, but I have a sneaking suspicion that she likes me. We text and MSN quite often, but the weird thing is we hardly ever speak to each other even though I see her everyday as we have the same lectures. She hasnt exactly explicitly said anything concrete to the effect of "I like you", but I've put that down to our jokey-jokey, flirty-flirty teasing type banter. (We just constantly take the piss out of each other - would you call this flirting?)
Anyway, Ive told my gf that I think this girl likes me, and she was quite supportive; she asked me if I liked her, and I said an emphatic "no", so she just told me to tell her that I have a gf. But I havent, and Im finding that I dont neccessarily want to - I think I probably do like this other girl, even if its just a tiny bit. I havent cheated on my gf, but I really cant stop thinking about this other girl. But I still really like my gf, so am in two minds about what to do. It doesnt seem fair that Im not putting all my efforts into our relationship, but I really dont want to split up with my gf; she has some committment issues, so the fact that we are together is somewhat of a miracle, and if I were to break it off and pursue this other girl it would break her heart and put her off guys forever probably. And yet I constantly think of the other girl. Is this just a classic "grass is greener on the other side" senario? Should I just leave it? Its kinda hard, because we are all in the same classes, so its not like I can avoid her. Should I leave it or go for this other girl?

Reply 1

BouncyB

1

thinking about another girl in the way u do is kinda like cheatin. i apreciate how ur feelin coz ive been in a similar situation, but think how you would feel if it was the other way round.

Reply 2

makeshiftwings

1

If you are over 70% happy with your girlfriend then stay with her. Even if you're not, it is a lot to consider - leaving a steady relationship and stepping into the unknown. I did it and I regret it.
However, don't stay with your girlfriend just because she has issues with commitment - every man is possible to get over :smile:

Reply 3

makeshiftwings

1

BouncyB

thinking about another girl in the way u do is kinda like cheatin. i apreciate how ur feelin coz ive been in a similar situation, but think how you would feel if it was the other way round.

Shut up.

whats your problem

3 months isn't a long time. If you're already looking elsewhere, it's not working.

If it was a few YEARS into a relationship, I'd tell you to get over it, because it would probably just be "wild oats" syndrome making your eyes wander. But at 3 months, I think it clearly would suggest that you;re not satisfied with your current relationship.

So, my advice, is don't break it off for this other girl, but DO take a look at your relationship and consider breaking it off if it's not working out. Then you're free to flirt as much as you want with whoever you want, and see where things go with this other girl if you're so inclined :smile:

Reply 6

makeshiftwings

1

BouncyB

whats your problem

He can't help how he feels and I'm sure he feels bad enough already. He came on here seeking advice, not a repremand.

Reply 7

Anonymous #1

OP

Toy Soldier

3 months isn't a long time. If you're already looking elsewhere, it's not working.

If it was a few YEARS into a relationship, I'd tell you to get over it, because it would probably just be "wild oats" syndrome making your eyes wander. But at 3 months, I think it clearly would suggest that you;re not satisfied with your current relationship.

So, my advice, is don't break it off for this other girl, but DO take a look at your relationship and consider breaking it off if it's not working out. Then you're free to flirt as much as you want with whoever you want, and see where things go with this other girl if you're so inclined :smile:

Probably a poor excuse, but it wasnt me "looking elsewhere" that started this whole thing off... if she hadnt have shown some interest in me, I wouldn't be feeling like this!
Anyway, I hear what you're saying. Problem is if I do break it off, and then subsequently go after the other girl, it would blatently look to my gf that im breaking it off because of the other girl, who Ive already said I don't like :redface:

Reply 8

Anonymous #1

OP

makeshiftwings

If you are over 70% happy with your girlfriend then stay with her. Even if you're not, it is a lot to consider - leaving a steady relationship and stepping into the unknown. I did it and I regret it.
However, don't stay with your girlfriend just because she has issues with commitment - every man is possible to get over :smile:

she has serious commitment problems though; we almost didnt get together because, even though she liked me, she was afraid that someday I would cheat on her. I promised her I never would, and I will keep this promise. But wouldnt it look just as bad if I break it off and chase this other girl?

Reply 9

makeshiftwings

1

Anonymous

But wouldnt it look just as bad if I break it off and chase this other girl?

Yes. So are these commitment problems due to your character at all...?

Reply 10

Anonymous #1

OP

makeshiftwings

Yes. So are these commitment problems due to your character at all...?

No. Its just that her parents cheated on each other in the past, so she was unwilling to get into a relationship in case she was cheated on. So it would be so bad of me to chase this other girl, even if we were to split up right?

Reply 11

Ludivine

Hmm, well, as much as it'd be nice to say definitely just stay with your girlfriend- you obviously care about her a quite a bit-, I'm not sure that would be the right advice. First of all you need to spend a little longer thinking this through and see if it's not just a fleeting little thing that you have for this other girl. However, since you say you think about her a lot and that you're reluctant to tell her you have a gf, this is possibly a sign that whether or not you'll end up with this other girl, you are having doubts about your current relationship, and pretty early on at that.

If this leads you to feel that you want to break up, then I suggest you do it. It's all very nice to worry about your gf but if you're not happy then you'll just end up breaking up at some different point - and it's never going to be easy. You didn't cheat on her, just as you promised you wouldn't. It's not like you've done something wrong for wanting to be happy.

And then I'd suggest leaving it a while before starting things up with this other girl or indeed anyone else - don't rub your gf's nose in it. Carry on flirting sure, but I think immediately 'jumping ship' would be a little bit of a blow to her self-esteem.

Otherwise stay with her and try and make things work... We really can't make your decision for you. Hope it all works out.

Reply 12

rosetinted

2

Firstly you cannot help the way you may feel about this other girl. Nobody has control of their feelings. What you do have control over is how you act upon these feelings. It is how you act upon them, not the feelings themselves, that can make you into the world's biggest asshole, or a decent human being.

You have actually lied to your girlfriend by telling her that you don't like this other girl when you really do. You have also not done as she asked and mentioned that you have a girlfriend. Did you agree to tell this girl that you had a girlfriend? If you did agree and then have not told her then you're not behaving totally honestly. It's the top of a slippery slope.

My impression from what you've said is that you don't want to tell her about your girlfriend because you want to keep your options open. You're happy enough with your girlfriend but if someone better comes along you'll dump her. Would you say this is true? Surely if it is then your girlfriend deserves someone who is 100% into her and you deserve a relationship with someone you are totally interested in and devoted to. I am not saying that you should or shouldn't break up because I cannot possibly know the situation properly. You need to evaluate your relationship and see whether it is worth holding onto, regardless of whether this other girl is on the scene or not.

If your reasons for staying with your girlfriend are because you don't want to upset her and because she has previously had bad experiences then you have to remember that you are not her protector. If you want to stay together because you care for her and want to work on your relationship and believe it is good for both of you then you need to tell the other girl about your girlfriend. Sorry I can't give you a clear answer but you really need to make this decision yourself.

Reply 13

e11even

10

I was in this situation once. But in my case, I was the "other girl". The guy I liked had a girlfriend, but when I started developing feelings for him, I didn't know. After a few weeks of texting and talking on MSN, he admitted to liking me, but told me honestly about his girlfriend. They've been together for about 8 months. He didn't know what to do as well. I really liked him and I could see having a relationship with him. But, we talked about it. And in the end, I told him to stick with her. Since I haven't had a relationship with him, it was easier for me to move on. Imagine how hard it would be for his girlfriend if he broke up with her instead? Too hard. I was crushed, but I made it through - after all, I came into his life later than she had. We made the right choice - he's still going strong with her :smile:

. I am truly happy for them...And I've moved on :smile:

. I guess you should talk it out with this "other girl" as well. Remember, there are 3 people involved :smile:

. You can't make an informed decision on your own. Good luck with everything :smile:

.

Reply 14

alej18

5

BouncyB

thinking about another girl in the way u do is kinda like cheatin. i apreciate how ur feelin coz ive been in a similar situation, but think how you would feel if it was the other way round.

you're right, someone call the thought police!

Cant stop thinking about another girl

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