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i don't want to see him at college tomorrow!

ok, friday night I was in a club with college friends and one of my friends was there who I REALLY fancy.

however I have a boyfriend and things aren't going so great right now. we live together and have 2 children, if I'm honest I don't think we'll last much longer. I guess its been a case of staying together for the sake of the children for the past 3 years.

anyway, I STUPIDLY told my friend how much I fancied him and he admitted the same for me. I knew he did as he kept telling me how great I looked. Of course nothing happened, I'm not the cheating type but as we all went home we hugged goodbye and he wouldn't let me go and kissed me on the cheek. I told him that wasn't fair to put me in an awkward position like that and so I walked away. There wasn't any bad feeling I don't think but I'm really nervous about seeing him in college. I won't see him unless I go to where his classes are tomorrow, but we have the same classes for the rest of the week. Do you think I should be brave and approach him for a chat or let him come to me? And what the hell should I say??

I really like this guy but I would never cheat, even if things are bad between me and my boyfriend. I guess I was flirty on friday night, and I shouldn't have said that I fancied him; the last thing I want to do is hurt him.

someone please give me some helpful advice!!

Reply 1

Redefined

13

Don't avoid the guy. I guess this would be a good time to take a look at your life and find your true feelings for the guy you are presently with, after all its not fair on either of you or the children (i been in that situation).

Remember the guy who kissed u may be feeling equally embarred about the situation, so go and chat :wink:

good luck

Reply 2

ladygrey

yeah, i know from experience that avoiding someone is the worst thing you can do. try and talk about it in a neutral place (like a cafe, not yours or his). also, take some time to think about what you want for yourself and your children, outside of the guys. how old are you, and what would your options be if you wanted to move out from your boyfriend?

Reply 3

Sithius

16

2 kids at college? did you have one at like 13?

Reply 4

Ceri327

9

every relationship is tough u have to work at them A LOT. if you think it is just a crush then I think you should talk to your boyfriend about your feelings, explain that you would never cheat but you're finding the relationship hard ask about his feelings too.

if it isnt a crush then you obviously havent been happy for a while. and if there is no salvaging your relationship then maybe its time have a break, or to call it a day,

either way i hope you work it out

and i admire you having two children amazingly!! very brave!! that has to be hard in itself. not many people have that courage

go you!!

Reply 5

Whizz

1

I think you should talk to your boyfriend first. If your looking at other men in 'that' way, then there's definately something missing in the relationship. Be honest with him, and listen to how he feels. He's the father of your children, he deserves a little respect. Talk about your options - councelling etc. Every relationship goes through a bad patch. If you still can't work it out then fair enough, break up. But remember, you have children - dependents. You have more than yourself to think about.

If this other guy really likes you, then he should be willing to wait until your ready. If he doesn't, then i guess it just wasn't meant to be. HTH :smile:

Reply 6

Anonymous #1

OP

Sithius

2 kids at college? did you have one at like 13?

It is possible for mature students to go to college. i had my first child when I was 20.

Thanks for your comments everyone i have spoken to him briefly today before a class to clear the air. I told him that I hoped I hadn't behaved like an idiot and he said that I hadn't.

There is something missing in my relationship with my boyfriend. He is very unemotional and is totally crap at making me feel special and wanted. We have tried to address this problem before but to be honest it never gets us anywhere and I have learnt to live without all those little romantic things that make a girl feel special. He says I have to learn to live with it but if I can't then he said will move out of our home so that I can get on with my life and find what I'm looking for. I just wish he'd realise that its him I want just with a little more thought for what I need. No amount of talking has ever made any difference.

I guess that now I've had attention from my friend it makes me think about what I am missing out on. Don't get me wrong my boyfriend is very good in terms of providing for me and our children. I can go to college without having to worry about finances and he is a great father to our children. I just wish he'd make more of an effort with me.

Maybe I'm being greedy? I think that I'll have a better chat with my friend at college tomorrow. I'm so confused right now, I feel like a little school girl again. :confused:

Reply 7

ChemistBoy

16

How old are your children and how long have you been together? What has been going on in your boyfriend's life? How many times do you do something special for him? How much time do you spend together, alone, per week?

There are always two sides to every coin and this episode has made you realise something is wrong. It's time to be frank and discuss your problems maybe with the help of some counselling.

Sometimes relationships just don't work out, but I think your children deserve every effort, especially if you feel that their father is a good father (a rarity I think).

Just bear in mind with your "friend" that most relationships start off with that kind of attention so you don't know what a relatioship with this man would bring you really. I do question the morals of your friend who must surely know your situation.

Reply 8

Anonymous #1

OP

ChemistBoy

How old are your children and how long have you been together? What has been going on in your boyfriend's life? How many times do you do something special for him? How much time do you spend together, alone, per week?

There are always two sides to every coin and this episode has made you realise something is wrong. It's time to be frank and discuss your problems maybe with the help of some counselling.

Sometimes relationships just don't work out, but I think your children deserve every effort.

2 children aged 3 and 2, been with their daddy for nearly 6 years now. He had a horrible childhood so its hardly suprising that he finds relationships difficult. He has been great in the past but said he can't treat me like a princess anymore because it isn't his style and that he can't (and won't) change

I am forever doing special things for him like cooking him his favourite dinners, running candlelit baths, planning romantic days out and booking tables at our favourite restaurant. I leave little notes for him when he gets back from work and send him lovely text messages through out the day to make him smile. So as you can see I'm always doing special things for him but I don't get anything in return.

At christmas and birthdays I get a wedge of cash. Great every once in a while, but I'd be happy with a £5 present that meant something and I've told him that too. We spend about 10 hours a week alone and the sex is great (always has been!!!!) but he just won't change.

I think part of the problem is that we have a very happy life together in terms of family, and I don't want to give that up just because I think the grass might be greener on the other side. What if it isn't??? I know that either way our children will always be very well looked after but I don't want to give up my happy life just because I don't feel special.

Do I seem selfish? honestly

Reply 9

ChemistBoy

16

I know many women who have much worse relationships and seem contented. However, if you are deeply unhappy then you need to sort it out. Maybe you need professional help to work through your differences.

Did you both plan to have children? (sorry for all these personal questions I'm just trying to get a handle on your situation, feel free to ask me some if you want).

Reply 10

Anonymous #1

OP

lol! don't worry about asking questions! its nice to speak to someone impartial to give me a different perspective on things.

yes we did plan both of our children, and he is 11 years my senior.

I wouldn't think that we need counselling I just can't seem to shake these thoughts of my friend out of my system. I think its like a forbidden fruit situation and I want him more because I can't have him. Well I CAN have him, but I WON'T cheat on my boyfriend. Flirting is fine but I would never cheat on my boyfriend....ever.

I think that whatever me and my friend could have would never match what I have now but I just can't get these thoughts of him out of my head. But who knows what we could have if we were together? If I'm honest I can't see him wanting a serious relationship, I think he just wants to get me into bed. I think that a chat with him tomorrow will help.

Reply 11

ChemistBoy

16

You'll probably agree that you will have changed a bit since you first started seeing your boyfriend, and that may have changed things. 11 years at this stage is still quite an age gap and that may also be part of the problem. Did you have these problems before you had kids?

Reply 12

Danny the Geezer

21

You don't know if you're going to las t with your partner, yet are worried about him finding out?

Reply 13

Redefined

13

Anonymous

2 children aged 3 and 2, been with their daddy for nearly 6 years now. He had a horrible childhood so its hardly suprising that he finds relationships difficult. He has been great in the past but said he can't treat me like a princess anymore because it isn't his style and that he can't (and won't) change

So he can do it, as he has done, but now its too much effort.

Is there any family you can stay with? I mean its not perfect but a little push stops certain people taking other people for granted.

Reply 14

Anonymous #1

OP

No, the problems just kind of developed chemistboy. Maybe they were there all along but didn't bother me till now?

I'm not worried about him finding out jaydoh. I've done nothing wrong, but I do feel guilty for having these feelings. I guess I don't want to split up, realise that the grass isn't greener and then things will be horrible between us.

My friend Ben just suggested that sleep with the guy in question to get this out of my system. He seems to think that I only want this certain friend because I'm not supposed to have him. And that if I sleep with him, I won't him anymore! Sounds like a good enough idea but not my style at all!! lol!!

Reply 15

Anonymous #1

OP

law:portal

So he can do it, as he has done, but now its too much effort.

Is there any family you can stay with? I mean its not perfect but a little push stops certain people taking other people for granted.

Yes its too much effort, and I feel that I'm not worth the effort.

Unfortunately all my family live abroad now so staying with them is out of the question particularly as my workload at college is quite intense at the moment. And this is my home, so uprooting the children really isn't going to work.

this is just so stressful, I can't concentrate on my coursework at all.

Reply 16

Sithius

16

Well I'm guessing Erk is the Anon person since they neg repped me for my post... it wasn't even offensive.

i don't want to see him at college tomorrow!

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