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oooo tricky if you decided it yourself you should stick to your guns as there musta been a good reason?
Reply 2
*claire_med*
oooo tricky if you decided it yourself you should stick to your guns as there musta been a good reason?


My question is whether you would find the gesture weird, obsessive, sweet, romantic...? Maybe you would just throw away the letter and not give a ****?
Reply 3
I would think it was sweet, but possibly also annoyed - only because i'd probably feel guilty and think that was what they were aiming at.
Agreed...totally depends on how & why you ended it. If you've made it clear that it's because you don't have feelings for them then you don't have any obligation to reply...if it was more complicated then it might be nice to respond to it.

An ex left me for someone else and I just had to put down on paper once and for all how I felt about him, I posted it to him, never heard from him but I was totally able to move on after it. I just couldn't have carried on thinking he didn't know. Once he knew and still didn't care then I knew I had to suck it up and get on with it. :smile:
Reply 5
Course it depends on the individuals concerned and their relationship.

But more than likely it topples over to the weird and obsessive side of the coin for me. Sorry.
Reply 6
If the letter admitted things were final, and tied up all the loose ends and things, I think it was quite sweet. Even if I didn't appreciate it at the time if I was still a bit bitter, I wouldn't throw it away and when it had all blown over, I'd enjoy having a final marker of the relationship. Especially if we'd decided to stay friends, I'd like it then.

If on the other hand, it was trying to make me feel guilty or win me back, I might be a little irritated. If they want to sort it out, they could talk to me face to face, if not, don't try and guilt trip me!

My personal take on things.
Reply 7
Tarts_n_Vicars

An ex left me for someone else and I just had to put down on paper once and for all how I felt about him, I posted it to him, never heard from him but I was totally able to move on after it. I just couldn't have carried on thinking he didn't know. Once he knew and still didn't care then I knew I had to suck it up and get on with it. :smile:


I know what you mean. The trouble is, I've been trying to contact her (she's ignoring me) for a couple of weeks. I've kind of given up with the calls. It just makes me feel crap to get home and hear her phone ring once, twice... then she hangs up.

I was hoping to have a conversation with her where she would explain why she ended things, and where I could tell her how I felt but that's not happened. I was hoping that a letter would be the opportunity to at least tell her how I feel.

I'm fed up of trying to get to her and just end up seeming like a psycho. A letter seemed like a more normal way to deal with it.
Reply 8
Who's dumping whom here?
If I'd broken up with the guy and was a bit down about it then it would just upset me
If he was being clingy it would just piss me off
I think there are very few situations in which I would take it well
Reply 9
ignore the letter she sounds like a bit of a wierdo if you ask me
Reply 10
Bekaboo
Who's dumping whom here?
If I'd broken up with the guy and was a bit down about it then it would just upset me
If he was being clingy it would just piss me off
I think there are very few situations in which I would take it well


She's broken up with me. We weren't even together that long (although it got "serious" quickly) so I guess my behaviour doesn't seem rational to her. The trouble is I've never felt like this for someone. She's just the perfect girl in my eyes. Yes, you can say that I might not be sure of that, that there will be others... blabla Trouble is, I've been waiting for years, been with quite a few girls and 6 years after starting uni, I meet her.
I think I was starting to fall in love with her unfortunately.
dogtanian
Course it depends on the individuals concerned and their relationship.

But more than likely it topples over to the weird and obsessive side of the coin for me. Sorry.


just bit of topic but yay another belle and sebastian fan!
Reply 12
Are you the same guy who started the getting over someone thread? Maybe a letter would be better than constantly trying to phone her. But make sure it's final. Let all your emotions out in that and totally break contact, unless she replies to it of course.
Reply 13
How on earth does she sound a wierdo for putting pen to paper - please!!!
Not that i've personally ever done it, but its a way of staying out your way, but at the same time getting the point across whereby you can properly think it through. Maybe she can't say what's on her mind whilst on the phone.

Like 'tarts n vicars' stated, if your still not concerned by the letter, then you don't have an obligation to reply. She will obviously look at this as the last possible hope, and then no doubt move on. If that fails - then you got problems lol!
Reply 14
No - no. HE'S thinking of writing the letter.
And I would say that she clearly doesn't want to talk to you. Write a letter uif you must, but don't post it. Move on.
Reply 15
*claire_med*
oooo tricky if you decided it yourself you should stick to your guns as there musta been a good reason?

Agreed, just remind yourself why you broke up with them in the first place, or why they broke up with you.
Im guessing this is a distance issue thoe??
Oh right...I get it now.

Does she already know you still like/love her though? And how old are you both? Seriously it makes a difference...
Reply 17
Tarts_n_Vicars
Oh right...I get it now.

Does she already know you still like/love her though? And how old are you both? Seriously it makes a difference...


I'm 23, she's 24. It sounds ridiculous that someone my age would lose it like that, I know.
We weren't together long at all (couple of weeks and there's the whole distance issue)but it got "serious" very quickly. I haven't felt so strongly about someone so quickly in years. It would have been a lot easier to accept if a "relationship" had never started and she had never been attracted and interested. The trouble is, the strong feelings I'm getting, have only scared her more I think. I guess it's hard to believe that someone could fall for you so soon. It's never happened to me like that before so personally, I don't understand much myself.
It's still not clear whether she has a boyfriend or whether she's been using that as an excuse to end the whole thing. In one text she claims to have met someone but on the phone she said she wasn't with anyone. It sounds crazy that something like that isn't clear but she's basically made sure I know as little as possible, despite my asking questions. All I've had are 2 texts and a 5-min phone call where she was not cooperative one bit.
I sent a letter to my ex, well a collection of letters detailing how it made me feel over a period of about 2 weeks. Re-reading them after we got back together i felt like a real bitch :redface:

It might be they are genuine about thir feelings so maybe give them a second chance depending on the circumstances for the split and your feelings toward them
Reply 19
Well, at least it worked for you... It would be great if it could for me but it's unlikely. It's quite possible she is with someone else, although that hasn't been made clear. What's more, there's no way to contact her and to make sure.

These past few weeks, in texts and e-mails, I've been trying to tell her how I feel and how I'd fallen for her (sounds pathetic for someone my age, after just a few weeks. it's like I've gone back into young teenager mode). The trouble with having strong feelings in a situation like this, that usually wouldn't warrant such feelings, is that the other person just ends up assuming you're a psycho. I am the kind of guy who rarely gets crazy about girls but when I do, it's usually all the way. For example, the last time I felt like this was probably when I was 17. Unfortunately, this is more than I've ever experienced before...

I was hoping that this would at least affect her in some way but she's just shown a cold front by not answering and at the end of the day, all I've done is made myself look like some psycho. She could have had two reactions to my behaviour: either appreciate the attention and feel bad about what she did and maybe out of pity, accept to talk to me or more likely, end up avoiding me even more. The latter reaction seems to be the one she chose.

I reckon I'll wait a while, maybe send flowers on the 14th... :frown: