This discussion is now closed.
Check out other Related discussions
- Apostrophe
- Student housing hell
- AI-generated child sex abuse images targeted with new laws
- a levels exams incident
- Am I overthinking?
- Is it strange
- International relations to law conversion
- whys this girl tryna steal my man
- Beginner Songwriter
- replacement
- hi can someone please mark one paragraph for mr fisher as i have my mocks tommorow
- Application with EU Family Member
- How do I move on from fumbling a 10?
- URGENT: Anyone awake to read my essay?
- Does he like me
- poetry anthology
- Passport Requirement Guidance for Application Submission
- a levels
- Plagiarism HELP- Turnitin resubmission
- i got caught
Possessiveness?
Hey all, Im in the middle of a huge problem and Ive no one to turn to but yall in TSR.
For 2 years, Ive been dating this girl. Before I dated her, she used to go out with a friend of mine, and even after we started going out, they kept in touch. She considers him her "best friend". Is it wrong that this bothers me? She does not have feelings for him, but I just cant take her considering him her "best friend". We've had this problem in the past, and she has never chosen me over him; all that time, I tried to change myself so that I could continue it with her. I really love her, but, is it just plain possissiveness? We re in the middle of breaking up after all this time because of this; she wrote him a testimonial on hi5 (which is this friends network on the internet), and I just got really pissed. Is my anger justified? Im 17 and Ive got my whole life ahead of me. Whatsmore is that this is a long-distance relationship. She left to New Zealand about 4 months back. Please help me, I dont know what to do.
For 2 years, Ive been dating this girl. Before I dated her, she used to go out with a friend of mine, and even after we started going out, they kept in touch. She considers him her "best friend". Is it wrong that this bothers me? She does not have feelings for him, but I just cant take her considering him her "best friend". We've had this problem in the past, and she has never chosen me over him; all that time, I tried to change myself so that I could continue it with her. I really love her, but, is it just plain possissiveness? We re in the middle of breaking up after all this time because of this; she wrote him a testimonial on hi5 (which is this friends network on the internet), and I just got really pissed. Is my anger justified? Im 17 and Ive got my whole life ahead of me. Whatsmore is that this is a long-distance relationship. She left to New Zealand about 4 months back. Please help me, I dont know what to do.
best of out of it, no point in a long distance relationship like that at 17,
and you I hope you know by getting all funny about her being friends with him, you'll turn him into forbidden fruit which will automatically make him more attractive to her. You could even drive them back together by behaving all posessive! If someones going to cheat, they're going to cheat. Worrying about it and getting funny about them speaking to other people isnt going to make any difference what so ever. What you've also got to remember, is that he's an ex for a reason, and you're currently with her.... !
On the one hand I really sympathise with her. Out of my 4 best friends from home 1 is my Best Friend (with capitals!) one is my best mate from school and the other 2 are exes. Phil... well he's a recent break up so I guess we'll drift apart but Dickey still remains an absolute best friend, who can understand me like nobody else. The thing is even though neither of us has feelings for the other there's a bond there that neither of us has found with anyone else. In our case that's down to a whole load of **** we went through together (we're talking a hell of a lot of ambulances). But anyway my point was that we're best friends and it's not something to be jealous of it's just a fact.
On the other hand having had male best friends all my life it came as a bit of a shock to the system when Phil found a female best friend that wasn't me so believe me I sympathise with the jealousy!!
If the relationship is worth saving then you have to work past this. But from the sounds of things with her having moved away etc it's going down the tubes anyway. It's ok to let go.
On the other hand having had male best friends all my life it came as a bit of a shock to the system when Phil found a female best friend that wasn't me so believe me I sympathise with the jealousy!!
If the relationship is worth saving then you have to work past this. But from the sounds of things with her having moved away etc it's going down the tubes anyway. It's ok to let go.
Finally, someone who understands what Im thinking!! Thats exactly it Captain Chaos! I mean, there have been soo many places where he's used her and its so obvious to me! But she just keeps believing that he's really her best friend!
Bout 3 months back, before she left, he wasnt talking to her. And I knew that it bothered her, so I called him up and told him to talk to her!!! I mean, its not easy for a guy to call his girlfriend's ex and tell him that she's upset about him not talking to her!
She's coming back from NZ in June, but just for a holiday. Then she'll go back, and Ill be moving to the UK in september! So I dont know when we ll meet each other again! I know it seems like we had no future, but we put up with it for 6 months already (the long distance thing) and Im still unbelievably in love with her. Right now, she's online on MSN, and we both know we re at the computer but arent talking. Its killing me.
Bout 3 months back, before she left, he wasnt talking to her. And I knew that it bothered her, so I called him up and told him to talk to her!!! I mean, its not easy for a guy to call his girlfriend's ex and tell him that she's upset about him not talking to her!
She's coming back from NZ in June, but just for a holiday. Then she'll go back, and Ill be moving to the UK in september! So I dont know when we ll meet each other again! I know it seems like we had no future, but we put up with it for 6 months already (the long distance thing) and Im still unbelievably in love with her. Right now, she's online on MSN, and we both know we re at the computer but arent talking. Its killing me.
Captain Chaos
1. Mate, it's just natural to get jealous, people who say they don't get jealous are usually talking out their arse, so you're normal.
2. I always think it's odd when girls have male 'best' friends as men are never friends with women for 'friendship' reasons. I don't buy that 'male friendship' thing at all, men are 99% of the time friends with women because they want something. This is why I can see why you're so jealous because obviously you know this too.
Not really sure what to say, but if you do split up, you're going to feel like crap with her being so far away, not being able to give her a hug or anything - just think about that.
How long until she is back from NZ?
2. I always think it's odd when girls have male 'best' friends as men are never friends with women for 'friendship' reasons. I don't buy that 'male friendship' thing at all, men are 99% of the time friends with women because they want something. This is why I can see why you're so jealous because obviously you know this too.
Not really sure what to say, but if you do split up, you're going to feel like crap with her being so far away, not being able to give her a hug or anything - just think about that.
How long until she is back from NZ?
1. Jealousy can be considered a 'natural' emotion, the trick is learning to temper jealousy with trust.
2. Just supposing this 'best friend' falls into the 1% category?
As far as being 'possessive' goes - some girls will run a mile at the first sign of it - others will embrace it. Basically, you're damned if you're possessive, and you're damned if you're not.
You make no mention of whether you and she have spoken on this issue, whether you've attempted to explain how you feel, or wherther she was willing to listen or not.
If it's the case that she takes no notice of your feelings on the matter - then you're definitely better off ending the relationship.
If you've attempted to explain, and she's dismissed your feelings out of hand - then you're definitely better off ending the relationship.
Basically, the solution to your problem depended on your reactions to each others stance. I feel both your reactions were the wrong ones, therefore the relationship is doomed to failure through lack of trust.
I sympathise with your situation, but you said yourself, 'I have my whole life in front of me'. Move on.
We're not talking right now because we broke up earlier in the day. Thing is, if I could drop this issue, we'd be happy together! I mean, we would never have problems if I can jsut get rid of this issue. I just cant!!
Captain Chaos
I don't buy that 'male friendship' thing at all, men are 99% of the time friends with women because they want something.
I'm sorry, but that is utter rubbish. I have three male best friends, yes three, and three female best friends. My boyfriend is not bothered in the slightest about me having male best friends. Hell, even me and HIS best friend are quite close too. None of them have ever wanted anything from me [okay so one of them is gay, but that's not the point] It is possible for a girl and a boy to have a completely platonic relationship.
Captain Chaos
1. I'd say he's pretty much nailed that one coping 6 months in a long distance relationship.
2. I think the 1% speaks for itself really!
2. I think the 1% speaks for itself really!
1. The OP would suggest otherwise.
2. Does it?
And I agree with kobrakai - platonic male/female relationships are not only possible - they are a reality.
Captain Chaos
If you want to live under that illusion then be my guest, but your two 'best friends' who aren't gay would probably sleep with you given the chance.
That's the thing though, we've all had this discussion before and neither of them would actually sleep with me for fear of completely messing up our friendships. I don't understand why you have to tar every single guy out there with the same brush. So the OP's gf has a male best friend, big ****ing deal.
Babe, sorry to say but this relationship sounds pointless, she is taking you for granted and you can't just be "best friends" with your ex as there will always be history no matter how much you try to avoid it or forget about it, at one point or another, they are both gonna remember how they felt about eachother and who knows whether they will resist or not? They might be paraletic, they might be sober but one way or another the thought will cross their minds.
This relationship will never work as it seems as if there are 3 people in it and long-distance relationships aren't the most sucessful anyway.
And don't worry you are completely normal in regards to the jealousy thing, it's just not letting it get too far is the skill that most people don't have, but it seems like you have it. Calling her ex and asking him to talk to her must have taken a lot of balls! lol
Go and find a girl who has only one bloke in her life, you could definitely find someone a lot better.
This relationship will never work as it seems as if there are 3 people in it and long-distance relationships aren't the most sucessful anyway.
And don't worry you are completely normal in regards to the jealousy thing, it's just not letting it get too far is the skill that most people don't have, but it seems like you have it. Calling her ex and asking him to talk to her must have taken a lot of balls! lol
Go and find a girl who has only one bloke in her life, you could definitely find someone a lot better.
Captain Chaos
men are 99% of the time friends with women because they want something.
What if their woman friend is ugly, do they still let sex get in the way then or is that where the 1% comes in?
Ducks in the pond, I've never heard that before lol
So even if the woman is very very ugly, there is still no hope of them having a platonic relationship because at one point or another, sex would still become a part of it?.......Wow, I never knew how ridiculously simple men were.
So even if the woman is very very ugly, there is still no hope of them having a platonic relationship because at one point or another, sex would still become a part of it?.......Wow, I never knew how ridiculously simple men were.
kobrakai
Thank you!
You're welcome.
Clairehayz
Wow, I never knew how ridiculously simple some men were.
Captain Chaos
It's rather alarming isn't it.
Captain Chaos
Women on the other hand. Well....that's a different story for a different day
Re-arrange the following to make a coherent sentence.
Worms....up....can....a....opens....of
Hehe v funny dave lol
As hard as it is, Im moving on!!!!!!!!!!!!! **** everything! Im moving on!!
Anonymous
As hard as it is, Im moving on!!!!!!!!!!!!! **** everything! Im moving on!!
Well done, I feel you've made the right decision. Good luck!
Thanks guys, thanks for all the help. Ill move on, btw, Im going off to Cambridge in a couple of months; I just hope I meet someone at least there who doesnt put me through this. Thanks again! My sincere gratitude.
Related discussions
- Apostrophe
- Student housing hell
- AI-generated child sex abuse images targeted with new laws
- a levels exams incident
- Am I overthinking?
- Is it strange
- International relations to law conversion
- whys this girl tryna steal my man
- Beginner Songwriter
- replacement
- hi can someone please mark one paragraph for mr fisher as i have my mocks tommorow
- Application with EU Family Member
- How do I move on from fumbling a 10?
- URGENT: Anyone awake to read my essay?
- Does he like me
- poetry anthology
- Passport Requirement Guidance for Application Submission
- a levels
- Plagiarism HELP- Turnitin resubmission
- i got caught
Latest
Trending
Last reply 1 month ago
Engineering vs. Medicine: Stuck Between Dreams and ExpectationsLast reply 1 month ago
heyyy , im new heree and im willing to have some friends xxxLast reply 1 month ago
Im 16 and never had a gf and it doesnt feel ok.