I don't want to be ENGAGED AT 17!!
So, my bf and i have been together since year 8 and we're currently in year 13. He said his parents wanted to meet me for the first time, 'properly'. On xmas eve he took me over to his house and we had food, watched tv for a bit and spoke. His mum said to me that we should get engaged. I laughed it off. Later that evening he told me that she was being serious. He comes from a strict family. His mum is a Italian Christian, and his father is Muslim Iranian. He said that his parents dont want us to be commiting sins etc, so we should get engaged some time soon. I was left speechless!
I don't want to be engaged. I'm still young, 17 and hes 18! What should I do? I don't want to go against his family values, but i also don't want to leave him
He thinks its a 'alright' idea to get engaged as its just another milestone in our relationship and it'll make his parents happy. If i remember correctly he also at one point sed it will make us 'stronger'. I dont see how. I told my mum and she disagreed and told me to wait until i'm older.
I don't have time to be worrying about engagement rings and parties! I'm focussing on my studies.
So yea, what would you do if you were me?
I don't want to be engaged. I'm still young, 17 and hes 18! What should I do? I don't want to go against his family values, but i also don't want to leave him
He thinks its a 'alright' idea to get engaged as its just another milestone in our relationship and it'll make his parents happy. If i remember correctly he also at one point sed it will make us 'stronger'. I dont see how. I told my mum and she disagreed and told me to wait until i'm older.I don't have time to be worrying about engagement rings and parties! I'm focussing on my studies.
So yea, what would you do if you were me?
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Wow that sucks if I were you I would dump him. I never really liked religion or religious people though.
Original post by Anonymous
. He comes from a strict family. His mum is a Italian Christian, and his father is Muslim Iranian. He said that his parents dont want us to be commiting sins etc, so we should get engaged some time soon. I was left speechless!?
What a load of crap. If his mom his Italian Christian married to a Muslim his family really can't be that strict. A strict Muslim will never marry outside his religion. Besides, the vast majority of Iranian Muslims living outside Iran are not the least bit religious. That's exactly why they fled from Iran in the first place. Most Iranians I know drink, smoke and have sex.
so you don't want to get married and he thinks the idea is "alright", doesn't exactly sound like something out of Romeo and Juliet.
Are they demanding it or is it more of a suggestion? I would say no, you don't want to get married at 17 (and to my knowledge can't unless your parents allow it) and quite honestly if he isn't willing to put your feelings on at least equal footing with his parents then i can't really see the marriage working out and being divorced before the age of 20 isn't a particularly nice thing to have over your head.
Are they demanding it or is it more of a suggestion? I would say no, you don't want to get married at 17 (and to my knowledge can't unless your parents allow it) and quite honestly if he isn't willing to put your feelings on at least equal footing with his parents then i can't really see the marriage working out and being divorced before the age of 20 isn't a particularly nice thing to have over your head.
(edited 12 years ago)
i dont think it is a question about his families religiousness. i know for a fact his dad is a hard core muslim, he even works at a islamic school nearby ..
Tough one.....though your BF should understand more than them that its way too young to get engaged. They seem 'old school'. Tell him you wont be getting anytime in the near future....
Original post by Anonymous
i dont think it is a question about his families religiousness. i know for a fact his dad is a hard core muslim, he even works at a islamic school nearby ..
If he is so hardcore, why is he married to a Christian. Sounds like a hypocrite.
Let's assume he is hardcore. Do you really want to be married into such a family?
They treat their women like posessions.
Dump this guy. YOU DO NOT want to be married into such a family under any circumstances.
LOL at suggestions at dumping your BF of 5 YEARS straight away :\
OK fair enough this is really intense, talk to him about it...
I mean, it's been 5 years; do YOU want it to last forever?
Tell them to give you time coz it is a BIG decision and marriage is not to be taken lightly.
His parents are probably the deluded,narrowminded parents of ''yesterday'' but I doubt your BF is; Speak to him!
OK fair enough this is really intense, talk to him about it...
I mean, it's been 5 years; do YOU want it to last forever?
Tell them to give you time coz it is a BIG decision and marriage is not to be taken lightly.
His parents are probably the deluded,narrowminded parents of ''yesterday'' but I doubt your BF is; Speak to him!
Im shocked at reading this if I am honest. It seems that there are three sorts of people replying to this post. Those that would jump the gun and dump your bf, those that wouldn't get engaged and those that would go along with it. Although I don't want so sound patronising I think I would have to agree with those that wouldn't get engaged.
As far as I see it I think that you are at a time in your life when you should think about having fun, living your life and studying (if thats what you want to do). Although i'm not in a relationship at the moment I have always believed that no one should be pressured in to anything and that if he really loves you then he will respect your wishes and not pressure you in to anything.
When it comes to parents often standing up to them can be the best way to deal with problems. Mainly because sometimes they forget that we have thoughts and feelings and have out own way of seeing things.
If I was you the first thing that I would do would be to have an honest talk with your BF and see what he thinks. If that dosn't work just mention it on this post and im sure that people will find a way to sort it out
As far as I see it I think that you are at a time in your life when you should think about having fun, living your life and studying (if thats what you want to do). Although i'm not in a relationship at the moment I have always believed that no one should be pressured in to anything and that if he really loves you then he will respect your wishes and not pressure you in to anything.
When it comes to parents often standing up to them can be the best way to deal with problems. Mainly because sometimes they forget that we have thoughts and feelings and have out own way of seeing things.
If I was you the first thing that I would do would be to have an honest talk with your BF and see what he thinks. If that dosn't work just mention it on this post and im sure that people will find a way to sort it out
I agree his family is a bit extreme.
We went shopping together today & I told him that I don't want to be married until my late 20s - I literally broke down :'/ infront of him for the first time in ages .. He understands me and suggested we put our relationship on hold for a bit. I agreed.
We went shopping together today & I told him that I don't want to be married until my late 20s - I literally broke down :'/ infront of him for the first time in ages .. He understands me and suggested we put our relationship on hold for a bit. I agreed.
Well I DID get engaged at 17, so no point asking what I'd do, but I'll be honest, it's very young to get engaged really. You don't even want to get engaged so of course you shouldn't! No question about it!
Original post by ManAbout
What a load of crap. If his mom his Italian Christian married to a Muslim his family really can't be that strict. A strict Muslim will never marry outside his religion. Besides, the vast majority of Iranian Muslims living outside Iran are not the least bit religious. That's exactly why they fled from Iran in the first place. Most Iranians I know drink, smoke and have sex.
Original post by Anonymous
If he is so hardcore, why is he married to a Christian. Sounds like a hypocrite.
Let's assume he is hardcore. Do you really want to be married into such a family?
They treat their women like posessions.
Dump this guy. YOU DO NOT want to be married into such a family under any circumstances.
Let's assume he is hardcore. Do you really want to be married into such a family?
They treat their women like posessions.
Dump this guy. YOU DO NOT want to be married into such a family under any circumstances.
I'm no expert but I'm pretty sure it's permitted in Islam for the men to marry Jewish or Christian women...
Original post by Anonymous
So, my bf and i have been together since year 8 and we're currently in year 13. He said his parents wanted to meet me for the first time, 'properly'. On xmas eve he took me over to his house and we had food, watched tv for a bit and spoke. His mum said to me that we should get engaged. I laughed it off. Later that evening he told me that she was being serious. He comes from a strict family. His mum is a Italian Christian, and his father is Muslim Iranian. He said that his parents dont want us to be commiting sins etc, so we should get engaged some time soon. I was left speechless!
I don't want to be engaged. I'm still young, 17 and hes 18! What should I do? I don't want to go against his family values, but i also don't want to leave him He thinks its a 'alright' idea to get engaged as its just another milestone in our relationship and it'll make his parents happy. If i remember correctly he also at one point sed it will make us 'stronger'. I dont see how. I told my mum and she disagreed and told me to wait until i'm older.
I don't have time to be worrying about engagement rings and parties! I'm focussing on my studies.
So yea, what would you do if you were me?
I don't want to be engaged. I'm still young, 17 and hes 18! What should I do? I don't want to go against his family values, but i also don't want to leave him
He thinks its a 'alright' idea to get engaged as its just another milestone in our relationship and it'll make his parents happy. If i remember correctly he also at one point sed it will make us 'stronger'. I dont see how. I told my mum and she disagreed and told me to wait until i'm older.I don't have time to be worrying about engagement rings and parties! I'm focussing on my studies.
So yea, what would you do if you were me?
I think that getting engaged at 17 is a little too young. This is SUCH a cliché, and I'm going to sound like something out of Clueless! (good film, good film...), but if he is serious then he'll understand and wait for you.
Now we've got that out of the way.
Don't break up with him. 5 years is too much to throw away if you're otherwise happy. You don't want to be tied down so early, but it may be that the future is bright. (Whose slogan is that?) Talk to him, and if he's unreasonable, begin thinking about breaking it off. Being serious about one another does NOT mean you have to marry each other yet. It shouldn't have to be matrimony or being alone at this age. Marriage shouldn't really be in the equation; don't be forced into doing something you don't want to, otherwise the old ball and chain will be anchoring you down and preventing you from doing what you need to do: prioritising (studying).
I had no idea I was capable of thinking so much. Oo
(edited 12 years ago)
Original post by Anonymous
I agree his family is a bit extreme.
We went shopping together today & I told him that I don't want to be married until my late 20s - I literally broke down :'/ infront of him for the first time in ages .. He understands me and suggested we put our relationship on hold for a bit. I agreed.
We went shopping together today & I told him that I don't want to be married until my late 20s - I literally broke down :'/ infront of him for the first time in ages .. He understands me and suggested we put our relationship on hold for a bit. I agreed.
Good decision. If his family is really as religious as you say, then you want no part of them.
So, you get engaged at 17, and now they basically OWN YOU. Do you want every little aspect of your life analyzed and criticized by his crazy religious zealot of a family? Everything, from what you wear to who you talk to will be up for scrutiny. They will make your life a living hell. Your boyfriend might seem somewhat level headed now, but as he gets older he will become the same religious nutcase as his family. Worst case scenario, you bring shame to their family and end up floating face down in a canal.
Run far away from these people. I don't think any girl should get involved with a family of radical Muslims.
Original post by ManAbout
What a load of crap. If his mom his Italian Christian married to a Muslim his family really can't be that strict. A strict Muslim will never marry outside his religion. Besides, the vast majority of Iranian Muslims living outside Iran are not the least bit religious. That's exactly why they fled from Iran in the first place. Most Iranians I know drink, smoke and have sex.
I'm sorry, but as a Muslim I have to disagree ^^' Islamically it is perfectly accepted for a Muslim man to take a wife who is a Christian, Jewish or Muslim. The woman doesn't have to convert. And this doesn't mean they're not religious. Heck, the Iranians I know are decent people and don't drink or have sex before marriage. Please don't stereotype without knowing your stuff ^^'
Original post by Anonymous
So, my bf and i have been together since year 8 and we're currently in year 13. He said his parents wanted to meet me for the first time, 'properly'. On xmas eve he took me over to his house and we had food, watched tv for a bit and spoke. His mum said to me that we should get engaged. I laughed it off. Later that evening he told me that she was being serious. He comes from a strict family. His mum is a Italian Christian, and his father is Muslim Iranian. He said that his parents dont want us to be commiting sins etc, so we should get engaged some time soon. I was left speechless!
I don't want to be engaged. I'm still young, 17 and hes 18! What should I do? I don't want to go against his family values, but i also don't want to leave him He thinks its a 'alright' idea to get engaged as its just another milestone in our relationship and it'll make his parents happy. If i remember correctly he also at one point sed it will make us 'stronger'. I dont see how. I told my mum and she disagreed and told me to wait until i'm older.
I don't have time to be worrying about engagement rings and parties! I'm focussing on my studies.
So yea, what would you do if you were me?
I don't want to be engaged. I'm still young, 17 and hes 18! What should I do? I don't want to go against his family values, but i also don't want to leave him
He thinks its a 'alright' idea to get engaged as its just another milestone in our relationship and it'll make his parents happy. If i remember correctly he also at one point sed it will make us 'stronger'. I dont see how. I told my mum and she disagreed and told me to wait until i'm older.I don't have time to be worrying about engagement rings and parties! I'm focussing on my studies.
So yea, what would you do if you were me?
His dad is Muslim and his mum is Christian. They're already breaking probably a million things that their God's have supposedly said about piety, with a ton of considered opinions from holy men who back them up.
Anyway I wouldn't worry about it, you're 17, chances are by 18 you guys will have broken up (relationships in this day and age are pretty short term and shallow, and teenage relationships notoriously so).
Edit: Nevermind seems you already did, lol. Probably for the best OP, Marrying young made sense when people died young and marriage was a social linchpin, now that it is merely a flight of fancy (and a financial security net for women) there is no reason whatsoever a 17 year old should be getting married or engaged.
If your boyfriend can;t wait a little longer it is his loss. He should be dating you, not his parent's wishes.
(edited 12 years ago)
So because you don't want to get engaged, your whole relationship is on hold now?
He is so under the thumb. Read: not sexy. He and his clan are just looking for guarantees, when there are none in love, and few in life.
Good on you for not selling yourself out.
He is so under the thumb. Read: not sexy. He and his clan are just looking for guarantees, when there are none in love, and few in life.
Good on you for not selling yourself out.
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