The Student Room Group

'Friend trying to steal' my only two friends from me

Now before everyone says that friends cannot be stolen and are not property, please hear me out.
I spent a lot of my school years friendless and lonely. When I did eventually make friends, (they invited me to socials out of school etc) they eventually got into partying and getting off with random guys and 'pushed me out' because I'm not the type to do that (that's pretty much all they do now and rejected my suggestions to occasionally do something else).
Deciding that I needed new friends and was unlikely to make some in a small school (where I followed public humiliation when these 'friends' decided they didn't like me anymore - they ran away from me one lunchtime and one girl had the 'decency (she was decent compared to the others anyway) to tell me they didn't want me hanging around with them anymore). I became depressed for a while and decided I must be the problem if I have no friends. After spending 2 lonely years on my own at breaks and lunchetimes I decided to join some clubs outside of school and make new friends. I did and have kept in contact with 2 that are now at uni whilst I'm on a gap year. One of my ex-friends also joined this club and became friends with these 2 girls. It was a little awkward at first because she had ran away from me that lunchtime 2 years before and we hadn't spoken since. (I know it was only one day but it had been planned - another girl later told me, whilst they'd gotten everyone near me to run away from me too).
To this day neither of us have mentioned it between us, and I know her other friends hadn't kept in contact since leaving for uni.
Anyway, my 2 new friends and I would hang out outside of the sports club, but now this other girl has started meeting up with these 2 girls (when we were all supposed to be friends) and not inviting me. I received a text from one of the 2 girls asking why I didn't turn up today (they'd agreed to meet up in town) and I just said no-one asked me to go. It's not the first time either. I feel like this girl's doing her best to leave me out (the ex-friend) and I don't know what to do. This is how I lost my last group of friends, and I fear being on my own again. Am I being paranoid? :frown:
Sorry it's long. :redface:

Reply 1

I'm sorry to hear this :frown: How close are you to the other two girls? If I was you I would wait for it to happen again, and then take one of the girls aside, the one you're closest to and explain what happened all those years ago and how it's upsetting you that you're not being invited. Don't make an attack on the other girl as you'll come off as bitchy, just explain what they did to you and how it felt to be excluded. Basically just make her aware that sometimes you are excluded by this other girl. Hopefully she'll stick up for you/invite you along to things.

Reply 2

Original post by Sweet_Heart
I'm sorry to hear this :frown: How close are you to the other two girls? If I was you I would wait for it to happen again, and then take one of the girls aside, the one you're closest to and explain what happened all those years ago and how it's upsetting you that you're not being invited. Don't make an attack on the other girl as you'll come off as bitchy, just explain what they did to you and how it felt to be excluded. Basically just make her aware that sometimes you are excluded by this other girl. Hopefully she'll stick up for you/invite you along to things.


We're reasonably close (both the girls invited me for their birthday dos when they each invited 8-10 people and I've met their other friends before at parties so it's not been awkward or anything). My friend did say that she'd hope to meet up with me soon.
I just remember being ran away from the most humiliating thing that's ever happened to me and I'm too embarassed to tell them about it (my old 'friends' told everyone else to run away from me too so when I turned up to class people were talking about it and didn't stop whispering behind my back for weeks). I never really forgave this other girl, and she never apologised. We don't really hang out unless we meet up with our 2 other friends anyway.

Reply 3

Anyone else? :redface:

Reply 4

i agree with sweet_heart speak to one of ur two friends instead of confronting her or confront her without the other girls present, they should know what sort of a bitch she is and maybe let her know that she either invite u along of piss off! what ur other friends did to u was horrible though, there's no explanation for it except for immaturity.

Reply 5

Original post by damilola
i agree with sweet_heart speak to one of ur two friends instead of confronting her or confront her without the other girls present, they should know what sort of a bitch she is and maybe let her know that she either invite u along of piss off! what ur other friends did to u was horrible though, there's no explanation for it except for immaturity.


I guess this is my only option. I just dislike confrontation in general and don't want to rock the boat, so to speak.

Reply 6

Original post by Anonymous
Now before everyone says that friends cannot be stolen and are not property, please hear me out.
I spent a lot of my school years friendless and lonely. When I did eventually make friends, (they invited me to socials out of school etc) they eventually got into partying and getting off with random guys and 'pushed me out' because I'm not the type to do that (that's pretty much all they do now and rejected my suggestions to occasionally do something else).
Deciding that I needed new friends and was unlikely to make some in a small school (where I followed public humiliation when these 'friends' decided they didn't like me anymore - they ran away from me one lunchtime and one girl had the 'decency (she was decent compared to the others anyway) to tell me they didn't want me hanging around with them anymore). I became depressed for a while and decided I must be the problem if I have no friends. After spending 2 lonely years on my own at breaks and lunchetimes I decided to join some clubs outside of school and make new friends. I did and have kept in contact with 2 that are now at uni whilst I'm on a gap year. One of my ex-friends also joined this club and became friends with these 2 girls. It was a little awkward at first because she had ran away from me that lunchtime 2 years before and we hadn't spoken since. (I know it was only one day but it had been planned - another girl later told me, whilst they'd gotten everyone near me to run away from me too).
To this day neither of us have mentioned it between us, and I know her other friends hadn't kept in contact since leaving for uni.
Anyway, my 2 new friends and I would hang out outside of the sports club, but now this other girl has started meeting up with these 2 girls (when we were all supposed to be friends) and not inviting me. I received a text from one of the 2 girls asking why I didn't turn up today (they'd agreed to meet up in town) and I just said no-one asked me to go. It's not the first time either. I feel like this girl's doing her best to leave me out (the ex-friend) and I don't know what to do. This is how I lost my last group of friends, and I fear being on my own again. Am I being paranoid? :frown:
Sorry it's long. :redface:



Why don't you try organizing something and invite your two friends? Whenever I feel lonely I organize something because I can never trust my "friends" to invite me.

Maybe try inviting your ex-friend as well? Make sure you invite her personally so she knows you're trying. Or just leave her out entirely :tongue: it's up to you.

Reply 7

Original post by postman pat
Why don't you try organizing something and invite your two friends? Whenever I feel lonely I organize something because I can never trust my "friends" to invite me.

Maybe try inviting your ex-friend as well? Make sure you invite her personally so she knows you're trying. Or just leave her out entirely :tongue: it's up to you.


Thanks. Yes this would be less confrontational. I guess I don't need to invite this other girl. She's not really a good friend and I'd feel happier for it. :smile:

Reply 8

Does anyone think else think I should tell this other girl anyway that I think she's leaving me out? (I don't want her to bitch about me behind my back or anything). :erm: