Anyone in the same boat?

Hi,

I have been with my bf for just over a year and he is at uni about an hour away.

I miss him so much even though we talk everyday. He doesn't want me to move in next year and he sees it as too much of a commitment.

I see him every weekend for sat/sun which is great and i'm usually ok til about tues night and then it hits me. I just feel left out of his life during the week, am i asking too much?

Confused :confused:

Reply 1

dave

FunkyMonkey06

Hi,

I have been with my bf for just over a year and he is at uni about an hour away.

I miss him so much even though we talk everyday. He doesn't want me to move in next year and he sees it as too much of a commitment.

I see him every weekend for sat/sun which is great and i'm usually ok til about tues night and then it hits me. I just feel left out of his life during the week, am i asking too much?

Confused :confused:

It seems to me that, unfortunately, you and your b/f are looking for different things from this relationship. I get the impression that you'd like to take this relationship to the next level.
The only thing I can suggest is that you tell him how you feel, but don't expect a change in his stance on the matter. Good luck.

Reply 2

shinyhappy

14

Erm, from my point of view, yes you are asking a bit too much. I know its hard, I'm in a distance relationship, my boyfriend of over a year is at uni 2 hours away. I see him every two or three weekends. We see each other over the holidays, nearly every day. Just try make the most of the holidays with your boyfriend, bearing in mind that this is nearly 5 months of the year anyway, not too shabby really! :smile:

Don't take it too badly about him not wanting you to move in, tis a really big commitment, especially for a guy. Just concentrate on having fun with your other friends during the week, and be grateful that you see him every weekend :smile:

Best of luck anyway xxx

Reply 3

ellewoods

10

FunkyMonkey06

Hi,

I have been with my bf for just over a year and he is at uni about an hour away.

I miss him so much even though we talk everyday. He doesn't want me to move in next year and he sees it as too much of a commitment.

I see him every weekend for sat/sun which is great and i'm usually ok til about tues night and then it hits me. I just feel left out of his life during the week, am i asking too much?

Confused :confused:

Hey, I hope you're feeling ok :smile:

Im assuming from your post that you are not at uni, but still living at home and your boyfriend has just moved to uni?

Im in my final year now - I had been with my boyfriend for 18months when I went to uni aged 19 after a gap year.
It was SO DIFFICULT :frown:

I missed him like mad as I was used to sharing a bed with him every night and suddenly I was on my own, and to make matters worse, I hated uni and my flatmates and was lonely.

In my opinion, yes you are asking too much.
Uni is such a huge experience, and he already sees you every weekend - this itself is a big commitment, look at it positively :smile:

He could stay at uni if he wanted to, but he doesnt, he spends his time with you.

Yes you might feel left out, but this is completely natural - my boyfriend confessed he felt the same way when I went to uni. (He's 4 years older than me, and works full time)
Make the effort to get involved, maybe go and stay over at his uni on a weeknight once a month as a "treat", get involved, be interested in his coursework. (if he is! :rolleyes:

)

Moving in together is a massive decision. My boyfriend and I are just looking for our first house now after 4 years together.
Dont mope around chick - have fun yourself, make sure you see your friends, go out, do stuff - keep "thinking time" to an absolute minimum. Make sure you make the most of your own life.

Ultimately, the transition to uni is a huge one, and people change. I didnt know if it would work out with me and my boyfriend, if he would prefer his weekday single life, or if I would find I actually liked being away. As it happened, we just missed each other more, and our relationship is even stronger now.
There is no point worrying and being anxious and pushing for extra commitment - this will not gloss over your insecurities.
The best thing to do is accept it might not work, but resolve to work as hard as possible to make sure it does. Take the pressure off yourself and off him. Have fun, date him when you see him, write little postcards and send them to him in the week.
If its going to work, it will. If is isnt, it wont.
And smothering him will drive him away, because he will forget what he loves about you and focus on the pressure on him.

I really hope it works out for you and you feel better. It gets easier every week I promise :wink:

Go and buy yourself some new shoes, you deserve them :smile:

Reply 4

FunkyMonkey06

OP

Thanks all for your help, kinda had those views but sometimes takes other people to bring it out

Reply 5

Clairehayz

5

I don't think your asking too much no, if you have been together for over a year then I don't think it's wrong you wanna see him more, I think maybe moving in is a little too pushy now but bby next year I would have said that was fine.....all I can say is that you and your b/f want different things, might I advise finding someone which wants the same kind of commitment?

Reply 6

Lauren Hart

3

I would say that you havent really been together long enough to move in, and even somewhere in between both your unis would be a long distance really. Give it some more time! You both still have a long way to go with uni and your relationship. Its hard, but long distance relationships can make it. I've been in one for two and a half years, and might be moving in with my boyfriend the year after next, but im no rush to do it. Rushing into such a thing can be a really really bad idea.

Reply 7

bitchmonkey

i've been with my fiance for over a year and he lives 244 miles away. i rarely see him and it hurts. I want us to live together as does he but he's not willing to leave his mum. :s-smilie:

WB

Reply 8

enigma2506

Me and my girl/f are both at uni, the same uni, except shes in her final year and im in my first. She keeps pushing for us to live together even though she knows I just dont feel ready, its not like I want to enjoy the single life or anything, I wouldnt be with her if I did, and its not like im frieghtend of the extra commitment, as im 25 and have been engaged before, Ive been with my current girl/f for two years now and love her to bits but I dont feel the need for us to live together, she does and she also want to get engaged. Its difficult because she has said she is willing to wait but in the next breath she hassles me about it and starts playing the "you dont love me like I love you card". Its so annoying and just not true.

When a guy or girl doesnt want to live with thier g/f or b/f, it doesnt mean they dont love that person, and doesnt mean they dont EVER want to live with that person. There is a right time for everything and it has to be the right time for all involved.

Reply 9

completely random

8

I miss my boyfriend like absolute crazy when we're not together (we're both at uni, he's living at home and I'm 150 miles away in Sheffield) and sometimes I do feel a little left out, but I try not to make too much of it because I know I would come across as incredibly needy and neurotic, (which I am, but I like to think I hide it well :biggrin:

)
You're probably only about 18-20ish? Thats wayyyyy too soon to be even considering moving in together. Its a huge commitment at such a young age. I'm only 21 and my boyfriend is 23 and I certainly won't be moving in with anyone for a good few years yet, even though we've been together quite a while now.
Enjoy the fact that you manage to see your boyfriend every week, I wish I could! Just take each day as it comes and enjoy being with him - I know its incredibly difficult to be away from someone you really like but its not forever, and telling yourself that may just help.

Reply 10

Jack0

You need to get a life of your own in the week. If you were occupied seeing friends, working, going to the gym or whatever you'd miss him less and the weekends would come around quicker.

Reply 11

JadedHippy

11

bitchmonkey

I want us to live together as does he but he's not willing to leave his mum. :s-smilie:

......Ouch!

*Jaded

Reply 12

Angelil

19

My thoughts exactly! Just be careful that he doesn't want you to be a replacement mother...

to the OP - you're lucky to see him as much as you do. One of the main pieces of advice I always give to people when they're worried about leaving home to go to uni is not to keep going home all the time or it might adversely affect the development of your social life at uni. It sounds like he devotes an awful lot of time to you, and my instinct would be that if you saw him even more, it might be detrimental to his life at uni. If you both really love each other then you will both still be together in a few years and you'll have plenty of time to think about moving in with each other and suchlike.

I envy you for being able to see your boyfriend so much - between now and the beginning of October, I have only seen my boyfriend for just over three weeks, and now I shan't see him until March 22nd. It's all relative.

Anyone in the same boat?

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