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Worried Friend
My friend is a really lovely person and has always been different from your average 'barbie girl' or tart at school- in that she dresses very smartly and has morals and believe in genuine friendships not shouting across the common room 'LOVE YOU' to someone they met two minutes ago and THROWING their arms around them...I am very similar and so we have a very strong, genuine friendship.
She has some rather different ideas about things in general and feels bad or like she has done something wrong if she even tries on different clothes...the thought of kissing boys or doing anything more with them (although she’s not some sex-crazed fiend!) also makes her feel bad like she's deceiving someone- though she is straight and does find guys fit. I think this is stems from a deep-rooted love of her parents and a great desire to make them proud of her and her not wanting to undermine herself.
She is so wonderful and has the potential to be really stunning (she is very pretty) and 'get all the guys' however inside she is a ten year old little girl and like in 'Peter Pan' she never wants to grow up. She is however 18 and leaving for university in 8 months....we will most probably be living together- she also does not want to be seen as caring about these things...So basically asking if anyone has any ideas so that I can reassure her that she's not doing anything wrong.
Sorry this is so long
She has some rather different ideas about things in general and feels bad or like she has done something wrong if she even tries on different clothes...the thought of kissing boys or doing anything more with them (although she’s not some sex-crazed fiend!) also makes her feel bad like she's deceiving someone- though she is straight and does find guys fit. I think this is stems from a deep-rooted love of her parents and a great desire to make them proud of her and her not wanting to undermine herself.
She is so wonderful and has the potential to be really stunning (she is very pretty) and 'get all the guys' however inside she is a ten year old little girl and like in 'Peter Pan' she never wants to grow up. She is however 18 and leaving for university in 8 months....we will most probably be living together- she also does not want to be seen as caring about these things...So basically asking if anyone has any ideas so that I can reassure her that she's not doing anything wrong.
Sorry this is so long
Reply 1
Caring about what things?
So long as she's comfortable with who she is, she shouldn't need reassuring about anything though.
So long as she's comfortable with who she is, she shouldn't need reassuring about anything though.
Reply 3
loser88
Not caring about stuff like what she wears or having a relationship
Well that's good really, relationships are too much hassle, if she doesn't want one then why is this a problem?
Also its her choice what she wears, not caring about what other people thing in that case if definitely a good thing...
Reply 4
punkskamonkey
Well that's good really, relationships are too much hassle, if she doesn't want one then why is this a problem?
Also its her choice what she wears, not caring about what other people thing in that case if definitely a good thing...
Also its her choice what she wears, not caring about what other people thing in that case if definitely a good thing...
Well said.
To the OP. Leave her to be herself. She'll meet the seamy side of life soon enough, unfortunately for her.
Reply 6
Kind of sounds like one of my closest friends. Lovely, sweet and kind, but very immature. However, I'm convinced that she, like your friend will just grow out of it. Going off to uni will be a bit of a culture shock, but I expect you'll find that she'll discover the seedier side of life, as someone put it!
As for lads/relationships, good for her for not just going out with a lad for the sake of it. Don't judge her for it, she'll find a nice guy eventually.
She sounds like a very strong person, not to have caved in to peer pressure and being horribly false and flirty etc.
As for lads/relationships, good for her for not just going out with a lad for the sake of it. Don't judge her for it, she'll find a nice guy eventually.
She sounds like a very strong person, not to have caved in to peer pressure and being horribly false and flirty etc.
You seem to have got the wrong end of the stick (possible through my bad expression but I was typing quickly in a lunch hour at school!) It just came up in conversation and she just came out with this that she would feel wrong, I don't think she's especially bothered but it's come to the fore a little more due to going to university. I also think that this mindset stems from the fact that she has been bullied a lot all through school for the way she is (stuff like how she is so ugly and no one would ever be interested in her), which i personally think is jealousy. I have NO problems with the way she is now and I do NOT think that she needs to change. I was after ways to tell her not to worry and saying 'don't worry' is not convincing her! Thanks...
Reply 8
I dont know what to say, if i was being mean i would say she needs to get out more and just live life a little, because she sounds like she hasnt really experienced much of life in the lad or just going out sort of way. I would just say dont knock it til youve tried it really.
Reply 9
Hhhhmm difficult situation...
Reply 12
I'm not sure if it's something you can actively help with, maybe she'll have more self confidence when she's around more people who have no conceptions about her?
Reply 13
loser88
I know...have you got any advice different? she really does mean SO much to me and I don't think she needs to change but she's unhappy and I want to change that.....
That's EXACTLY how I used to be. I was always so worried about being perfect and pleasing my parents. I never felt like I could just be myself in front of my friends or anyone for that matter. It felt like the world was judging me. The thing that changed it all for me was this guy I met. I live in the US and he was from manchester, england. (he had such an adorable accent
) anyways, i was so shy and i never old anyone i liked him. finally, when my friends figured out that i liked him, they pushed me right into things. I ended up dressing up really cute and dancing with him and talking to him at a school dance. After that, I dunno what happened. i guess i just had more self confidence. now im open with my friends about everything and i don't care what my family thinks. 
problem solvedso i guess what im saying is...find a guy that she really likes. I mean REALLY likes, because he needs to be worth enough to her for her to change herself for him.
Reply 14
Anonymous
That's EXACTLY how I used to be. I was always so worried about being perfect and pleasing my parents. I never felt like I could just be myself in front of my friends or anyone for that matter. It felt like the world was judging me. The thing that changed it all for me was this guy I met. I live in the US and he was from manchester, england. (he had such an adorable accent ) anyways, i was so shy and i never old anyone i liked him. finally, when my friends figured out that i liked him, they pushed me right into things. I ended up dressing up really cute and dancing with him and talking to him at a school dance. After that, I dunno what happened. i guess i just had more self confidence. now im open with my friends about everything and i don't care what my family thinks. problem solved
so i guess what im saying is...find a guy that she really likes. I mean REALLY likes, because he needs to be worth enough to her for her to change herself for him.
) anyways, i was so shy and i never old anyone i liked him. finally, when my friends figured out that i liked him, they pushed me right into things. I ended up dressing up really cute and dancing with him and talking to him at a school dance. After that, I dunno what happened. i guess i just had more self confidence. now im open with my friends about everything and i don't care what my family thinks. problem solvedso i guess what im saying is...find a guy that she really likes. I mean REALLY likes, because he needs to be worth enough to her for her to change herself for him.
Maybe that's an idea, I mean maybe it'll make her feel better about herself so she won't actually need to do any major change as such? Then it just comes down to finding someone I suppose.
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