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Open Relationships..Does it Work.

Well, i have been with this girl....we have known each other for about 7yrs. In the 3rd year of our relationship i had to leave NJ and come to London because i needed to come 2 college. We both decided to wait for each other, and we did dat for 3yrs..so it was more like a long distance relationship thing we had going on. Last week when we were talking on the phone she said that she wants us to be together but she can't make the scarifice..and that she wants to see other people and still be wid me.. Do you think this would work out or should i call it quits and end the relationship???????/ :confused:

Reply 1

tis_me_lord

14

Hmm, it's tough to tell because I'm not able to read your minds/predict the future. But personally I wouldn't be cool with that, and would rather just be single and find someone else as I believe in working hard at a relationship and making it work instead of fate etc, you could make it work with somebody else maybe.

Reply 2

meathead1987

1

Depends if u are going to get jealous about it. How often do u see her?

Reply 3

KILLER

OP

I have not seen her in a long time..but i have deep feelings for her...we decided to have a long distance relationship...but the thought of her being with some1 else kills me....and i plan on goin dwn to NJ this summer but i don't think that i would want to do anything with her coz she's seeing some1 else and the thought men..its bad..

Reply 4

Kate.

15

Personally I don't consider it a relationship if you're both free to be with other people...you might as well be single. I just don't see the point in calling it an open relationship.

It wouldn't work for me, I know that. Think it through...it's possible it could work but I think for most people it wouldn't.

Reply 5

pikaboo

13

What I don't understand is how you can be with two people at the same time without a hell of a lot of jealousy and resentment creeping in. You find this a lot in polygamous societies, gloy, even when the two wives don't see each other. To me if you're in love with someone and want a future with them then it's exclusive, you put them before wanting a shag with someone else basically. But good luck with whatever you choose to do :smile:

Reply 6

wendizzle22

1

In this situation I would call it quits - she will inevitably end up seeing the other people more, and as you are far apart it will only hurt you to worry about what she is up to. Also, I think that if she was really in love she would not see it as a 'sacrifice.'
If you both really want to be together when you return to NJ, but she really can't stand not having sex with anyone, i'd suggest you both do what you want for that period, not calling it a relationship of any sort.

Reply 7

tis_me_lord

14

wendizzle22

Also, I think that if she was really in love she would not see it as a 'sacrifice.'

Get your heads out of the clouds. Love doesn't mean nothing is hard, simply that it's worth doing despite it being hard. Which she doesn't think so I come to the same conclusion anyway...

Reply 8

KILLER

OP

That's exactly what i was saying to her...that jealously and hatred wil come in...but whenever i say that..she starts going on that i have always beeen tired of the relationship and now i have a good opportunity of saying it over..

Right now..i dont knw wat to do because our anniversary is on tuesday..i was thinking of not calling....Do u think i should do that??

Reply 9

hugatree

11

It doesn't work. Makes you feel really bad, either hearing your partner kissed other people or you kissing them and thinking of the person you're really close with. Don't end it, but don't have an open rel. (talking from a bit of exp. here).

Reply 10

username47781

20

Forget it, it will never work if she wants to see other people while with you, either she makes the sacrifice to be with you or she ends it, there's no way it would work becuase someone would get hurt.

Reply 11

Anonymous #1

KILLER

Right now..i dont knw wat to do because our anniversary is on tuesday..i was thinking of not calling....Do u think i should do that??

That'll show her you're worth waiting for! :wink:

For me, it wouldn't work. It does for some people, though.

Best of luck, it's one hell of a choice you've got to make.

Reply 12

bazlette

I tried an open relationship once and I just couldn't deal with it. I was either wondering what he was getting up to when he wasn't with me, or asking and finding out for myself, or thinking he was lying. So I found it hard. It really does depend on how you think you'd deal with it.

But I find it hard to understand how, if you care her enough to wait for her, you're considering just "calling it quits"..?

Reply 13

dusk

I think that having an open relationship effectively means you have no relationship - you're not going to have a proper relationship with anyone else, because there's still a certain tie between you, which would be generally rubbish for the person you're seeing who doesn't realise that they're an amusement for a time til you're back together, and also you'll probably introduce a measure of jealousy and insecurity into your current relationship. You should probably stay together and brave the hardships, or break up, stay friendly, and if it happens again in a couple of years time and you live happily ever after, all well and good.

Reply 14

shinytoy

18

KILLER

Well, i have been with this girl....we have known each other for about 7yrs. In the 3rd year of our relationship i had to leave NJ and come to London because i needed to come 2 college. We both decided to wait for each other, and we did dat for 3yrs..so it was more like a long distance relationship thing we had going on. Last week when we were talking on the phone she said that she wants us to be together but she can't make the scarifice..and that she wants to see other people and still be wid me.. Do you think this would work out or should i call it quits and end the relationship???????/ :confused:

i dont think so. i think she just wants to keep you hanging so she has someone to fall back on until she gets into a proper relationship. i say call it quits. because if she is dating/sleeping with other epopel, what is it that makes you special? especially with the long distance

Reply 15

KILLER

OP

I think you guys are all right..she does want someone 2 fall back on until she gets in a real relationship...meennnn..

Reply 16

SamTheMan

17

KILLER

Well, i have been with this girl....we have known each other for about 7yrs. In the 3rd year of our relationship i had to leave NJ and come to London because i needed to come 2 college. We both decided to wait for each other, and we did dat for 3yrs..so it was more like a long distance relationship thing we had going on. Last week when we were talking on the phone she said that she wants us to be together but she can't make the scarifice..and that she wants to see other people and still be wid me.. Do you think this would work out or should i call it quits and end the relationship???????/ :confused:

It's up to you but I think it should be clear whether you're together or not.
"Open relationship" among adults usually means being together but having sex on the side, without "seeing" other people in the sense you're talking about.
It just seems like you're saying she wants to go out with other guys but still have something to fall back on in case she can't find any better... That kind of attitude makes me sick personally. It's almost like treating people like objects.

Reply 17

Leigh

15

I'd say an open relationship can work between two people who are just in it for the sex.

As long term friends, and long distance partners, this definitely doesn't seem to be what either of you want (solely). I'd definitely suggest not risking the jealousy and things for the sake of the friendship you may lose.

My advice (to be heeded or ignored as you see fit) would be to understand her needs as a young lady, let her date other guys as you can't give her the relationship she seems to need, but stay in touch. When you're home, meet up, see how she is, and if things spark again, like she seems to want them to with an open relationship, see if the time is right for both of you.

But don't get too hung up over her seeing new people, try to move on as best you can, or at least don't hold out for the two of you getting together anytime soon.

Sounds like a tough situation :frown: