The Student Room Group

Boyfriend + Summer Holiday

A few days ago I heard someone ask my friend how her boyfriend felt about us (10 of my girlfriends) going to Malia for 2 weeks after our exams, and, to my surprise, she said "he's not very happy about it and doesn't want me to go".

Before this my boyfriend's feelings vis a vis my holiday didn't cross my mind, but yesterday I asked him how he felt. He said he was feeling very mixed as we're going there to let off steam/get horrendously drunk and thinks I will do something that will compromise our relationship. He has been cheated on in the past by his girlfriends and made it clear from start of relationship it wouldn't be something he would stand for.

I would never intentionally go out and pull someone else but I think in that situation a drunken kiss is not an unlikely possibility. I want to promise complete fidelity to him but I'm not sure I can. Last year the same group went to Zante and my friend (above) did end up cheating on her boyfriend but didn't really remember doing it - just flashes of it - and was really upset and regretted it hugely, said boyfriend does not know to this day. Is my only option not to drink? Or what he doesn't know won't hurt him?

Last year a guy I knew went 'on a break' with his girlfriend for the 2 weeks of his holiday and them continued, I know my boyfriend wouldn't do this, and I don't think I'd be comfortable with it either, I think it would undermine relationship entirely? Has anyone any experience of this?

Any advice, comments, suggestions appreciated :biggrin:

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if you beleive you cant stay faithful you obviously dont think much of your boyfriend. leave him for his own good
Reply 2
Sydney
A few days ago I heard someone ask my friend how her boyfriend felt about us (10 of my girlfriends) going to Malia for 2 weeks after our exams, and, to my surprise, she said "he's not very happy about it and doesn't want me to go".

Before this my boyfriend's feelings vis a vis my holiday didn't cross my mind, but yesterday I asked him how he felt. He said he was feeling very mixed as we're going there to let off steam/get horrendously drunk and thinks I will do something that will compromise our relationship. He has been cheated on in the past by his girlfriends and made it clear from start of relationship it wouldn't be something he would stand for.

I would never intentionally go out and pull someone else but I think in that situation a drunken kiss is not an unlikely possibility. I want to promise complete fidelity to him but I'm not sure I can. Last year the same group went to Zante and my friend (above) did end up cheating on her boyfriend but didn't really remember doing it - just flashes of it - and was really upset and regretted it hugely, said boyfriend does not know to this day. Is my only option not to drink? Or what he doesn't know won't hurt him?

Last year a guy I knew went 'on a break' with his girlfriend for the 2 weeks of his holiday and them continued, I know my boyfriend wouldn't do this, and I don't think I'd be comfortable with it either, I think it would undermine relationship entirely? Has anyone any experience of this?

Any advice, comments, suggestions appreciated :biggrin:


michellehall
if you beleive you cant stay faithful you obviously dont think much of your boyfriend. leave him for his own good




I live near and have lived in a seaside resort. My experience of girls on holiday, no matter if they have boyfriends/fiancees or are married is that they cheat. fact of life.

Theres a what happens on holiday stays on holiday thing, seen it sooooo many times.
Reply 3
It's not that I don't want to stay faithful I'm just scared that I won't, I don't trust myself, and I'm scared! :frown:

I had a dream his brother tried to kiss me and I tried to push him off me but then my boyfriend walked in and shouted at me, you know how I feel about cheating- and with my brother!!

I think I may be just paranoid.
Reply 4
Sydney
I would never intentionally go out and pull someone else but I think in that situation a drunken kiss is not an unlikely possibility.


Why is the situation so different from when you go out with just your girl friends on a night out? Surely you wouldn't have a drunken kiss then?
My boyfriend cheated on me on holiday. it was the most awful and horrible feeling of my life. If u intend on gettin with other guys then save him the agony and break up with the poor guy. Everyone has control of everything they do, and getting 'out of control' drunk is something that you choose to do as u continue to drink. When i feel myself gettin out of control i stop to sober up. I'd never ever forgive myself if i cheated on someone i was in a relationship with cos i know how it is to be on the recieving end. Just dont let yourself get in that position. You'll ahve a much more enjoyable time if ur in control anyway!
Reply 6
Sydney
It's not that I don't want to stay faithful I'm just scared that I won't, I don't trust myself, and I'm scared! :frown:

I had a dream his brother tried to kiss me and I tried to push him off me but then my boyfriend walked in and shouted at me, you know how I feel about cheating- and with my brother!!

I think I may be just paranoid.


michellehall
if you beleive you cant stay faithful you obviously dont think much of your boyfriend. leave him for his own good


El Scotto
Theres a what happens on holiday stays on holiday thing, seen it sooooo many times.


Me! (MRLX)
Yup, I have that 'what happens on holiday stays on holiday' thing as well, hence I don't think I can ever have a long term relationship in this society where sex is so free..... Unless I find a really traditional girl who won't have sex before marriage etc.....


Me! (MRLX)
I'm going to hide under a pillow just in case anyone tries to word bash me now:p:


Me! (MRLX)
I've no idea why I'm putting my own reply in quotes:confused:

.....
Reply 7
meepmeep
Why is the situation so different from when you go out with just your girl friends on a night out? Surely you wouldn't have a drunken kiss then?


To be honest I don't really go out with my friends on nights out anymore, I prefer to stay in with my boyfriend, and generally there are 18th parties every weekend so he comes with me.
Reply 8
Anonymous
My boyfriend cheated on me on holiday. it was the most awful and horrible feeling of my life. If u intend on gettin with other guys then save him the agony and break up with the poor guy. Everyone has control of everything they do, and getting 'out of control' drunk is something that you choose to do as u continue to drink. When i feel myself gettin out of control i stop to sober up. I'd never ever forgive myself if i cheated on someone i was in a relationship with cos i know how it is to be on the recieving end. Just dont let yourself get in that position. You'll ahve a much more enjoyable time if ur in control anyway!


I'm not a good drunk anyway, I don't tend to remember anything that happened the night before, and I don't know where my 'level' is i.e. I don't know where to stop, I feel sober up to the point im paralytic. Last summer I was single and didn't drink a lot because I was on antibiotics and I had a great time, but I got a lot of attention, both welcome and unwanted, and some guys try to force themselves on you, I guess I'm worried that if I'm drunk I'll let something like that happen but at the same time I don't want to stay sober and ruin my holiday.
Reply 9
I don't think you're being very fair. Of course you could promise him fidelity! I get horrendously drunk sometimes and whenever I get into any kind of cheating situation there is still something in the back of my head that says "STOP!" However drunk people are I don't see how it's possible to just totally not realise, unless you're unconscious or something, but surely drinking THAT much isn't necessary. You can be off your face, have a great time but not compromise a relationship.

I went to Zante last summer with a load of girls after exams, and me and 1 other girl were in relationships. Neither of us cheated. There were occasions where holiday reps would be getting us to play drinking games involving pulling random men, but I just said "sorry I reeeally can't!" and stepped back. Normally I would be up for joining in but I just wouldn't do that to my boyfriend. Besides, it was quite funny watching my friends down cocktails and snog complete mingers!

I think you need to decide how you feel about this guy. His feelings are totally understandable, especially given his past and the fact that you can't reassure him that nothing will happen. If you decide he is worth sacrificing a tiny (and it reallly is tiny) part of your holiday for, i.e. the random pulling bit, then you will earn his trust. However, I reckon if you decide you can't then that shows you're not up for a serious relationship. Which is fair enough, but he needs to know!

Sorry about the ramblingness, I'm not feeling that concise this evening!xxx
Reply 10
Thing is I didn't really think about it until I asked him how he felt about the holiday yesterday, maybe it's because he's worried that I'm doubting myself.
If you don't trust yourself how is he supposed to trust you?

I agree with ciara, just have some faith in yourself, you don't want to cheat so if you get in to that situation then just get away from it. Just because your going on a girls holiday it doesnt mean you'll cheat. Just reassure your boyfriend as much as you can that its not going to happen! And try to think how you would feel if he was doubting if he could stay faithful to you on a lads holiday.
Reply 12
Maybe I am being a bit of a bitch, I just didn't want to make a promise I couldn't keep... he's coming over in a bit so we shall talk about it some more...I think that may be the only way to resolve any situation - lots of talking (+sex) :p:
But in being a girlfriend shouldnt being faithful an unwritten promise to keep anyway? Maybe its because like your boyfriend I've been cheated on and its hard at the unfun end so I take a different veiw.

Hope you resolve the situation anyway!
try and avoid downing spirits...they are the ones that you feel fine then bam you dont know whats going on...remember that each vodka etc can take up to 20mins to have an effect on your system...so wait about this time between each one..and that way you should be able to sense when your feeling that your about to reach your 'limit'

thats how i figured out mine...


a good solution for this worry would eb simply, not to drink too much...only allow your self 3 drinks on a night out..or whatever it takes for you to feel 'happy' but not hammered

you said you managed to have fun last year without alcho..maybe try it again??
Reply 15
I went to Malia with my friends last year. My girlfriend was a little nervous about it too, I guess any other half would be, everyone knows the atmosphere of those holidays.

I solved the problem... by not cheating. That seemed to do it.
Basically, even if you are drunk, I don't think it's too hard to stay faithful. I'd say if you are that drunk, you've drunk too much, trying to stay faithful or not. It's sort of silly and can be very dangerous to get yourself into that situation. Not drinking is a bit over the top, but perhaps don't drink yourself unconscious, and make sure your friends are looking out for you, and you should be ok?
I went on holiday with a girl who I had previously been friends with when our main past time was going out 'on the pull'. It had been booked a looonnng time and the week before we went I started going out with a boy I had been chasing for ages. I've always been really anti-cheating but because I thought I would stay with him I promised I wouldn't cheat. When I got there I went out for the first night but felt akward even being chatted up so I stayed in my room for the rest of the holiday on my own (no really...). Needless to say I didn't cheat and I'm glad I didn't because we're still together and hopefully going to stay that way! Me and my friend AREN'T together anymore though for some reason...
Its a completely natural feeling for anybody to be worried when their partner goes off for any period of time, where lots of alcohol will be consumed regularly. I know my girlfriend really isn't looking forward to the summer when I go away for 3 weeks to Tenerife, and no matter how much I explain that I have no intention whatsoever of doing anything, I doubt it gives her any great peace of mind.
I have the same problem, my Bf hates when I drink, and I understand him, drunk people can hardly control themselves and it is very easy to do smth that u will regret after when you r drunk...well, I cant stay without alcohol at the parties, it is not like I am addicted or smth well you know...but I am trying to control myself and not drink too much...so I will remember evrth i do and wont do smth that I can regret after. But in fact, I got very drunk several times, and never ever happened anth bad!!! but anyway it is good to prevent things, so if i were u, and if u love ur bf, id insure him that you are goign to be a very good girl, and then you can drink of course, but dont get much drunk so ur sure u can control urself
Reply 19
Have made a pact with my other friend who has a boyfriend to look out for each other on holiday and have reassured my boyfriend...I'm sure it'll be fine but I know what can happen on these kind of holidays and finding out my boyfriend wasn't too happy made me worried. I'm just going to have the best time with my friends before we all go off to uni and employ trick of waiting 20 mins between each spirit as suggested....:biggrin: