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After how long does the silent treatment mean you've been dumped?

Guys

You know sometimes when you are dating, you fight, then they sulk. they wont speak to you. they wont return your texts or calls. if you see them, they wont look at you. the dreaded silent treatment.

depending in the person, and the fight, this could go on for days, weeks even. even married couples and cohabiting ones sometimes suffer this - with them lviing together but ignoring and barely looking at each other.

so you rush around making a fuss of them, begging for a cuddle, apologising, asking them what you did etc trying to get them to be ok again.

but at the same time, if you are dating someoen, sometimes rather than tell you they dont want to see you anymore, they just stop talking or taking your calls, and ignore you hoping you will get the message. this is normal after only say a couple dates and fine.

but when does the silent treatment mean you have been dumped, and you should stop making a fuss of the other person trying to get them to talk?

because, you know, if you are dealing with the types that dump you by ignoring you, if you think you are getting the sient treatment and you keep asking them whats wrong, they tend to be the egostical types to go round telling their mates 'look at me this girl/guy is stalllking me'!!!

but at the same time if you are dealing with a silent treatment, the person may think 'oh, they arent bothering to find out why im upset, maybe they dont like me that much after all, they dont even care that i havent spoken to them in XX days.' and this will CAUSE a breakup.

any views?

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Reply 1

Studentus-anonymous

I remember when women were the stroppy ones.

Edit: Also, Shiny dear, please....let it go and move on.

Reply 2

shinytoy

Original post by Studentus-anonymous

I remember when women were the stroppy ones.

Edit: Also, Shiny dear, please....let it go and move on.

no i meant in general.

in my situation, its been over a month and i cant be bothered to chase anymore. i only gae it that long since he's one of my best mates and i see him alot anyway. but how long would you wait normally?

Reply 3

Gremlin

Errr. 1 day is too much to be honest. I'm absolutely fine with someone saying 'I'm annoyed by X and I need some time to myself,' but I would not put up with my boyfriend actively ignoring me and not even telling me why, I am sure he wouldn't put up with it from me either.

Reply 4

B-More52

A month? Take the hint and move on.

Reply 5

dgeorge

Silent treatment for 1-2 days bad

Silent treatment for 3-6 days REALLY bad if you've made a concerted effort to get in touch

Silent treatment for a week or more - auto dump

Reply 6

shinytoy

Original post by Gremlin

i think the same in theory. but what if yo u love him?

Original post by B-More52

A month? Take the hint and move on.

we are close friends and have loads of mutual mates so it is obvious we are ignoring each other and cant avoid each other

Original post by dgeorge

Silent treatment for 1-2 days bad

Silent treatment for 3-6 days REALLY bad if you've made a concerted effort to get in touch

Silent treatment for a week or more - auto dump

does it depend on the person thoug and how sulky they are? the last time (first) he did it it was for a week over me revealing my dating past. this time is the second time and its for a month because of something i wrote on FB.

Reply 7

Coeusful

Silent treatment for "weeks"!? Hate to tell you, but... that ain't the mark of a healthy relationship.

Reply 8

jami74

You say "Look you've punished me for long enough, now are we gonna get over this and move on together or shall we call this good-bye?"

And in your case OP you could say "Quite clearly our relationship has ended but for the sake of all our mutual friends can we at least be civil to each other?"

Reply 9

dgeorge

Original post by shinytoy

i think the same in theory. but what if yo u love him?

we are close friends and have loads of mutual mates so it is obvious we are ignoring each other and cant avoid each other

does it depend on the person thoug and how sulky they are? the last time (first) he did it it was for a week over me revealing my dating past. this time is the second time and its for a month because of something i wrote on FB.

No it doesn't depend on how sulky they are. A month is more than long enough to get over this sulkiness. You need to stop stalking and imagining that you're in a relationship with someone who can't bear to talk to you for a month. You're obviously not

Reply 10

Lucia.

I would never put up with that rubbish from a boyfriend. Going off in a sulk is just a really immature way to deal with your emotions. I had silent treatment from a boyfriend once for a couple of weeks and really that was too much so I decided that I wouldn't let that happen again.

Reply 11

fxyz

My bf always goes into a strop and refuses to speak to me. Its been about 2 days since we haven't spoken. It really gets in between our relationship and my trust. But on a side note the longest we've gone without speaking is 42 days. I still wonder whether we were technically 'together' during that 42 day period. Sorry for not answering ur question lol

Reply 12

shinytoy

ok guys i sent him a text saying ' i hope we can be friends, i do care but i will leave it to you to contact me because im not going to chase u around apologising anymore xx '

was that ok? what do you think he will do?

Reply 13

Mr Advice

Original post by shinytoy

Yes, well done. Now do leave it please, for your own good. He will contact you if and when he feels like. Wouldn't raise my hopes though tbh.

(edited 12 years ago)

Reply 14

shinytoy

Original post by Mr Advice

Yes, well done. Now do leave it please, for your own good. He will contact you if and when he feels like. Wouldn't raise my hopes though tbh.

hihi

you again? thanks for all your help on this, i really appreciate it....my heart hurts :frown:

!

when you say you doubt he will contact me:

- we have loads of mutual friends and see each other loads, and his parents talk to me sometimes in front of him. its an effort and awkward for him to totally ignore me in front of everyone. surely he cant keep it up?

- is it excessive for him to ignore me over something on FB forever?

- since i've been texting him loads saying 'ooh baby i miss you soo much' 'please be speaking ;.....( you are sooo wonderful' etc contantly over christmas, do you think his ego will miss me if i ignore him?

- how will he know im open to making up with him if i also ignore him?

Reply 15

shinytoy

Original post by fxyz

do you ever think he doesnt respect you if you keep going back to him when he ignores you?

what do you do when he is in a strop? do you chase around him apologising? or just wait it out?

how do you know if he has dumped you or if the strop is temporary?

Reply 16

Mr Advice

Original post by shinytoy

hihi

you again? thanks for all your help on this, i really appreciate it....my heart hurts :frown:

I think we have been advising you to leave it at this point because you are doing yourself no good, none at all. You're looking very desperate to us, so imagine what he's thinking of you. He's ignored you for over a month now and over the Christmas period so I doubt he'll be coming round anytime soon - that's just my honest take from what you've told us. His ego, no doubt, is being boosted by your behaviour. And honestly, if a guy likes a girl, he wouldn't strop around for this long.

I'm not saying give up on him, no. But I do think you need to chill out a little and let him come after you now. I've always been one for both people in a relationship expressing their fondness for the other at any time, but if one of the two is always doing the texting/phoning, something is wrong.

(edited 12 years ago)

Reply 17

echeee

A month?! Take a hint. You've said in other posts that you've been texting him all the time asking why he won't speak to you. Do you know why that is? It's because when someone ignores you, it's because they don't want to speak to you. So when you harass them with text messages they're more likely to NOT reply to you.

Sounds like he wants nothing to do with you, move on.

Reply 18

fxyz

Original post by shinytoy

Well its not always me going back to him. Its not really much to do with respect cos we have that element in our relationship for definite. With time we've spent together, I think we both understand when we're not speaking (ignoring basically) each other out of anger/frustration/the need to have some space etc. We're both extremely fiery personalities so in our relationship stropping is a lot more safer than arguing

Reply 19

X1tinkerbellx

Maybe these next few days show him that it is possible to cope without him and that you don't need him to have fun. This will hopefully make him think twice