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number of previous sexual partners- does it matter?

"Well, the sad fact remains that hardly anyone ever tells the truth in regards to their sexual past."

i read on another thread, that most if not all guys lie about the number of partners they have slept with. is this true? if so,why?

i most girls lie as well, as most surveys of this show men to have had a higher average number of partners than women, but as it takes 2 to tango, using mathematical 1 to 1 mapping, it should be the same number for both.

if you found out your bf/gf had 2 partners before you, then later 6 months down the line admitted they had 20, does it change you perception of them?

"If you truly love her, you'll be able to forgive her sexual "experience" and it won't affect your temperament or opinion of her in the least. But if it does irk you and you feel like you can't get past it, then save her and yourself some time and move on. "

and this article http://www.askmen.com/dating/heidi/31_dating_girl.html

http://www.askmen.com/love/vanessa_60/85_love_secrets.html

so my quesiton is:

1) do you lie about the number? if so why?
2) does it matter to you?
3) is it different for guys and gals?

Reply 1

Segat1

16

Do you want replies from jsut guys? or from girls too?

1) do you lie about the number? no. If am asked, then I tell the truth. Why lie about it? I am not ashamed of it!
2) does it matter to you? As in if they lie? Hell yes! If they lied to me about anything I would be pissed off. If he said it was 2, and then 20, I would be pissed off at him for lying, but not for the number.....
3) is it different for guys and gals? In this country, yes. Where I am from, nope. No-one really cares if its 1 or 100.

Don't forget the rule of three (discussed in American Pie 2)

If a girl says its 2 then you mulitply by three
If a guy says its 6 then you divide by three.

Reply 2

Anonymous #1

I don't lie, and it doesn't matter to me, because I've dated people who've had a lot of sexual experience, and others who've had very little.

I was lied to by my current boyfriend, who originally told me he had three partners, then got himself confused over dates, and three months later confessed to only having slept with one person. Five months after that he told me he hadn't slept with anyone before me. I wish I'd known to start with, although I probably wouldn't have slept with him, on the basis that I'm quite experienced in comparison.

Reply 3

Sweet Adeline

I'd never lie about that, and if I found out my partner had been lying to me (actually that did happen once), I'd be really annoyed with them, and probably wouldn't trust them again. I just question someone's motivation for lying about something like this, it seems like it's probably just to get their girl/boyfriend into bed more easily, a bit cynical.

I wouldn't care about how many previous sexual partners they'd had, really, although if it's over about a hundred I think I'd start asking questions...

Reply 4

shinytoy

OP

18

personally i would be extremely hurt if a guy lied to me. but apparantly nearly all of them do at first.
im a catholic virgin and i do not need to lie. but i'd rather a guy was honest than in/experienced.saying this, i wouldnt want to kiss a guy who had kissed over 10 girls or so as i'd think it was gross

guys, do you all lie about your past? do you lie until you are comfortable to discuss the truth with your gf? or not?
you may post anonymously
i'd hate to marry someone then find they had lied to me about it.
in asia and america women can get there virginity sewn up again to lie to their husbands forever.

Reply 5

Cortez

17

shinytoy

personally i would be extremely hurt if a guy lied to me. but apparantly nearly all of them do at first.
im a catholic virgin and i do not need to lie. but i'd rather a guy was honest than in/experienced.saying this, i wouldnt want to kiss a guy who had kissed over 10 girls or so as i'd think it was gross

guys, do you all lie about your past? do you lie until you are comfortable to discuss the truth with your gf? or not?
you may post anonymously
i'd hate to marry someone then find they had lied to me about it.
in asia and america women can get there virginity sewn up again to lie to their husbands forever.

Your having a laugh arent you? :rolleyes:

Reply 6

shinytoy

OP

18

no. i read somewhere that germs stay in the mouth for 5 years after the kiss.
i myself have kissed 2 people.

its because as i dont believe in having sex before marriage i think physical intimacy is special, so i only kiss guys i really like, and even so, not even on the first two or three dates

Reply 7

strawberry

13

shinytoy

no. i read somewhere that germs stay in the mouth for 5 years after the kiss.
i myself have kissed 2 people.

its because as i dont believe in having sex before marriage i think physical intimacy is special, so i only kiss guys i really like, and even so, not even on the first two or three dates

I think the same way too.
but the asian women sewing up thing...
I read somewhere that some of them have surgery to insert a lamb's bladder or something so that the man deflowers the bladder and not her virginity. weird.

Reply 8

Evil Phoenix

2

shinytoy

1) do you lie about the number? if so why?
2) does it matter to you?
3) is it different for guys and gals?

1) nah thats sad
2) no, my life is not built around my penis
3) if you ask me, no. Other ppl tend to fall into stereotypes eg is a guy sleeps around he's a stud, if a girl sleeps around she's a slut :rolleyes:

too superficial i think

Reply 9

Segat1

16

shinytoy

no. i read somewhere that germs stay in the mouth for 5 years after the kiss.
i myself have kissed 2 people.

its because as i dont believe in having sex before marriage i think physical intimacy is special, so i only kiss guys i really like, and even so, not even on the first two or three dates

You're taking the piss now aren't you. Come on, own up - who are you really?

Reply 10

Sweet Adeline

Come on, no-one actually cares about that, surely?

Reply 11

Helenia

20

shinytoy

no. i read somewhere that germs stay in the mouth for 5 years after the kiss.
i myself have kissed 2 people.

Do you have any idea how many germs you have in your mouth anyway? And how many of these will be incredibly similar to those which any person you kiss may have? It's really not a salient point - once or twice you might catch something nasty (glandular fever etc, if you're unlucky), but most of the time it makes no difference at all.

shinytoy

guys, do you all lie about your past? do you lie until you are comfortable to discuss the truth with your gf? or not?
you may post anonymously

Isn't it rather insulting to ask them if they "all" lie about their past? It casts some rather unpleasant aspersions on what, as a whole, is a fairly decent sex.

Anonymous

I was lied to by my current boyfriend, who originally told me he had three partners, then got himself confused over dates, and three months later confessed to only having slept with one person. Five months after that he told me he hadn't slept with anyone before me. I wish I'd known to start with, although I probably wouldn't have slept with him, on the basis that I'm quite experienced in comparison.

Ouch! That must have been really annoying. What I really don't get is why, when caught out for lying, you'd modify it to another lie rather than tell the truth? I don't see the point in lying anyway.

In answer to the original questions:

1) do you lie about the number? if so why? I've never needed to, and I don't think I would.
2) does it matter to you? Do you mean the lying, or the number? If I found out someone had lied, I'd be very annoyed. I'm not sure about the number itself - I don't see myself sleeping with very many people in my life, so I'd probably stick with people on similar levels of experience, but it totally depends on the person.
3) is it different for guys and gals? It shouldn't be. So I don't treat it as different.

Reply 12

Jenna999

1

shinytoy

i most girls lie as well, as most surveys of this show men to have had a higher average number of partners than women, but as it takes 2 to tango, using mathematical 1 to 1 mapping, it should be the same number for both.

no, not necessarily. say if one girl was particularly promiscuous and had slept with 50 men, each one of those 50 men could have had no other partners apart from her.

Reply 13

shinytoy

OP

18

yes but in a sample of data with eg 4 men and 4 women, even if one woman slept with all 4 men and the men all had no partners but her, the average number for men=number for women =1 patrner average.

Reply 14

username47781

20

only thing that would annoy me would be that if they say for example they had slept with 2 before then a month later they say oh i slept with 12 then i'd be wondering why the lied in the first place, but i guess as long as they stay faithful to you then it's not a massive issue.

Reply 15

completely random

8

As long as it doesn't matter to you, it shouldn't matter at all.

Reply 16

Anonymous #2

The only guy i've slept with i've never asked. I don't see how it would help things...unless he was really bad then I might consider it. I would be upfront about it with anyone i now meet because while i'm not a virgin I really wouldn't say im experienced due to the sheer amount of pain! I would prefer a guy who knows what he's doing, purely as I don't feel that confident. But if he loves me and I love him it won't achieve anything knowing and if you love them it shouldn't matter

Reply 17

Anonymous #3

If you can't be honest about the number of sexual partners, you're not mature enough for adult relationships, which are based on honesty. What kind of a relationship is it, if you can't talk openly about a subject like that?

I remember reading a girl here say "It doesn't matter how many guys I sleep with, because when I meet someone special, I won't tell them my number of partners" WTF? :confused:

What kind of relationship is that? Even at the early stages...

As for whether it matters, it matters to some people (more guys than girls) and it doesn't matter to others. We all have different psychological approaches to intimacy and that's something we can't control. There's also no point in insisting to someone that it shouldn't matter. There will be people for whom it's a huge turn-off, that's a fact.

It's no secret that many girls (and guys to a lesser extent) who sleep around find it difficult to have a serious relationship. It's not because guys are bastards, it's not because it's unfair. It's because to some guys it does matter and a girl's attitude to sex is usually reflected in many other ways.

Reply 18

Anonymous #4

Okay, this is a related question:
I'm a bloke, and friends with a girl. For some odd reason, she's told me how many people she's slept with, how many boyfriends she's had and how many guys she's kissed. Is it weird that I know? Should I read anything into the fact she's told me this stuff?

Reply 19

bret

12

put it into context boys and girls.

i dumped my ex for sleeping around. I'm now considering going out with a girl whose slept with more people. Why?? Because this girl is witty, chamring and incredibly beautiful. She also averaged a first in both years. She knows she could get any guy she wanted, has all the male attention and if she's slept around, to hell with it... you'll not be degrading yourself, just as she hasn't been degraded. I'd go out with Samantha off Sex and the City and if guy Ritchie didn't know cockney hard men, I'd crack onto Madge too.

The reason I dumped my ex was because she wasn't all that fit, I liked her because of her sweetness- which somewhat unravels as she counts the numbers on her fingers- and due to her chronic insecurity, had admitted being used by players on several occasions. If this new girl turns out to have been taken for a ride- literally- I'll think twice about our future.

number of previous sexual partners- does it matter?

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