My rents don't like me moving out! Help

Okay I know this maybe a very iterative post but urm yes my asian parents are being a bit difficult with me moving out to kent or portsmouth.
I have applied to brunel and got offers from there too but I really want to be independent and move out. It's what I always wanted to do :frown:

but my parents have come up with a good argument.. Usually I do whatever I want to do but my rents are mentally black mailing me lol.
They work very hard and my mum has two jobs.. I baby sit my sister and help them with baby sitting costs and stuff. The only reason why my mum can do two jobs is ME. Cos i am always home after school (most days) and I just look after my 9 yr old sister. But if I leave and move out, They said: "You will put all of us in a financially difficult position and think about your sister .. how can you be soo selfish? we would let you go if there is a solution.. but we can't find one. so if you can find me a solution I will happily let you go. Your sister is 9 and we need to protect her .. she is only a child and I don't want to keep dropping her at our friend's houses"
Btw we don't have good family in Uk cos my dad is always fighting with them -.-
soooo yeh that's my situation.. any thing???
Thanks

Reply 1

iSMark

Original post by gullyb

You're not being selfish, they are.

My advice, go for it.

Reply 2

SarahP~

Surely they must know people who have children who have moved away? They can hardly claim that you're selfish if they're wanting you to stay home to act as free childcare, its them being selfish. Even if you did stay the uni workload might be too high to take care of your sister. Lots of parents have their children stay with a friend for a few hours after school, my parents did with my when I was that age, its not unusual

Reply 3

longman240

Being Asian, I know your plight, she's not your kid at the end of the day, though, you have to break free of them someday. You have two choices then either a) sit down, talk to them, explain why you wanna move out and that it's not your responsibility to look after your sister etc. or b) get everything arranged and ready and just move out.

I can definitely understand where you're coming from and being Asian makes things so much harder, but the first step should be talking. Say to them that your sister shouldn't be your problem at the end of the day and that if you want to go to a good uni you have to move out and that you're gonna leave some day anyway. I know they'll probably be unresponsive and Asian parents are masters of emotional/psychological blackmail but it's something you need to do as a warning if they don't listen. PM me if you wanna talk.

Reply 4

gullyb

Ah Thanks .. That was fast :smile:

But the way they do the black mailing is soo effective. The made me feel soo guilty LOL I know my sister is not my responsibility but my dad was like : "How can you think soo cold when there is a perfectly normal university near your house and you want to put us all in this mess? I would rather move back to my country with your sister" :///

Reply 5

Blazara

Original post by gullyb

Uhr, you won't be available at that time anyway, lectures can go all the way to 6pm. Either way you ain't looking after her, so just go :tongue:

Reply 6

Antifazian

It's your parents' job to look after your sister, not yours. As someone else has said, even if you did go to a uni close by, you would not have the time to continue looking after your sister, as if you did your work and/or social life would suffer.

You either are, or will soon be, 18 so you are old enough to make your own decisions. This is a time in your life when you do need to be selfish and think about your own future, your parents should understand that and stop trying to hold you back.

Stick to your guns! They can't actually force you to go to a uni close by, so do what you want to.

Reply 7

iSMark

Original post by Blazara

Uhr, you won't be available at that time anyway, lectures can go all the way to 6pm. Either way you ain't looking after her, so just go :tongue:

Yes and even if no lectures, you'll have work which may require library resources etc.

Reply 8

SarahP~

Original post by gullyb

Ah Thanks .. That was fast :smile:

They can't argue with the facts that the university day doesn't stop at 3:30 like the school day does though, they're going to have to get someone to take care of her either way. Him saying he would rather move back to his country is a completely over the top illogical reaction, it has no relevance to the argument. I think they want to still be able to kind of keep tabs on where you are and what you're doing maybe, as well as free childcare, so you could reassure them that you would come home at some weekends etc. Either way just go to university where you want to go :smile: