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Anyone else really struggle to make conversation?

I am constantly worried about the fact I can never talk to anyone. Im not shy, or anxious or anything. I simply have nothing to say, ever. I can do 'factual' conversations such as ''what you been up to'', ''hows the course going'', ''did you see Eastenders''. But when it comes to just general talking and laughing and joking I cant do it.

Even with people Ive known for years, Im going to a gig in a few days with my best mate and Im constantly worried about what I am going to talk about (its a 4 hour train journey there).

Its like I dont have the chip in my head most people seem to which means you can just talk about a range of stuff, serious and jokey and just have a normal conversation with someone.

I cant do it and its gettin me DOWN :frown:

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Reply 1

pikaboo

I had this problem a few years back, when I was feeling really down already from being ill. Is there a deeper problem mebbe? When I was feeling crap (I refuse to say depressed, cos I doubt it was as bad as that) it made me not want to bother being all jokey and talkative like you say, I just didn't have the energy for it. So maybe there's something else in your life that's stopping you from being all matey? That's the only thing I can suggest really, there's probably alternative explanations but that one is the one I know most about. :smile:

Reply 2

Anonymous #1

No not really :s. Ive pretty much always been the same. I always enjoy being with my friends and stuff, but I feel out of place cos I just cant be funny and spontaneous etc. I always just use small talk then go quiet for ages. In a group setting this can be alrite, but when its just two of doin somethin (like the impending gig) I will be absolutely stumped and gradually get more and more angry with myself :frown:

Reply 3

pikaboo

What are you like with your family?

Reply 4

Anonymous #1

The same really :confused:

I just suck at conversation I have nothing to talk about....ever

Reply 5

naivesincerity

You're probably better at it than you think. Anyway, don't worry too much. People who are great at small talk can, in some cases, be very inane.

Reply 6

Tarts_n_Vicars

Can't really offer any advice but it happens to lots of us! Most people who know me (including a few from here lol) will testify that amongst mates I'm a non stop chatter, but at uni with people from my class I really struggle to engage in the conversations they have other than sitting there giving the occasional head nod.

I can't explain it either. But then I don't hang out with them that often so I don't have to put up with it much.

Try not to stress about it :smile:

Reply 7

completely random

I completely suck at conversation - I'm fine with my family and my boyfriend but last night I was at a neighbours house celebrating my housemate's 21st and I literally said three words all night - and I've been like thisfor quite a few years now,certainly during my entire time at uni, which is why I have hardly any friends. I'm pretty certain my lack of social skills is down to depression because I used to be very bubbly and confident - even my school reports say it, so its not just me.
Something I've got used to, but its very painful and embarrassing, which is why I tend to avoid situations where I know I'm going to end up stuck for words. This obviously means I don't get out much :redface:

Reply 8

pikaboo

naivesincerity

You're probably better at it than you think. Anyway, don't worry too much. People who are great at small talk can, in some cases, be very inane.

Anon sounds good at small talk, but doesn't know how to make big talk.

Reply 9

username47781

I think it depends who the person is sometimes i can talk for ages other times i struggle, when i first meet Laura well i couldn't stop talking hehe

Reply 10

completely random

Of course it depends on the person, some people you click with, some you don't, but I haven't been able to make any friends at uni and that clearly isn't normal. I'm not blaming anyone, thats just the way it is.

Reply 11

silence

just do what i do and talk a load of ****. that way you're fine.

Reply 12

rachelrainbow32

Yeah, I think it does depend on who the person is. However, i think ive been having the same sort of problem to be honest, just with people who i dont know though, i dont seem to beable to make anymore friends at work- but it could just be that 1. i dont click or 2. i spend my day at work being depressed because i want to go home so i just cant be bothered to be spontaneous etc..

Reply 13

Angel Interceptor

Watch the news, read the newspaper, develop a hobby/interest, take up a sport, start reading books, etc. Do any of those and I'm sure you'll always find something you have in common with another person that you can talk about, so you won't be stuck for conversation again. :smile:

Reply 14

rosetinted

I used to have this problem but since I've gone out into the world and had a lot of new experiences I've found plenty to talk about as well. I've done a lot of travelling in the past three years and done some courses that I'm really interested in. I generally find if you're interested in the stuff you're doing in your life then you usually have something to talk about. My enthusiasm for teaching skiing, theatre & music always seems to give me a good conversation with people.

Reply 15

meathead

Perhaps it sounds weird, but when I'm talking to new people, I almost have a reserve of stories or jokes I like to tell. Often people follow one up with a related one of their own, and you can end up talking for hours just swapping your favourite anecdotes. Maybe that sounds silly, but I find that you can discover a lot about a person this way: their sense of humour, their outlook on life, their past. I don't care how boring your life is, something funny must have happened to you, or you must be able to make fun of something. If you can make the other person laugh then that builds rapport and makes for enjoyable conversation.

A common objection is that conversation is often 'inane', well that's just the way it is. If you look at any aspect of society from a detached point of view it looks stupid, so what. If you considering yourself 'above' petty small-talk then it comes off as arrogant and nobody likes that. It's really important to not take yourself too seriously. Personally I can have a casual, stupid and ultimately pointless conversation with a total idiot and enjoy it very much. On the other hand, discussions about religion and politics don't exactly brew goodwill (people take themselves seriously, get offended, etc). If you look at it pragmatically, small talk doesn't seem such a bad idea after all...

Anyway, I really think you have to enjoy the conversation. Are you interested in music? Then ask your best mate something like 'What kind of music are you into at the moment?' - it shows genuine interest but stays at the level of casual conversation, could lead to an hour-long discussion. If making conversation is your aim, don't ask closed questions like 'Do you like that new song X by the band Y'? - may lead to a 'no not really' followed by an awkward silence, then you asking another question and them feeling like it's an interrogation.

Reply 16

quadruple_twist

When all else fails bitch about people! It's a great way to get the conversation going. Another good thing is to be up to date with celebrity going-ons in the world - there's tons to talk about. Google "ohnotheydidnt" for a good celebrity resource (hope that doesn't count as advertising as I have nothing to do with the site).

But yeah, I have this problem too but I'm trying to rectify it before uni for obvious reasons.

Sometimes I don't feel up to talking at all - it depends how awake I am.

Reply 17

Zymoen

Be a good listener, everybody wants to talk about themselves, so just ask a few leading questions and let the others do the talking.

Reply 18

LostRiot

oh, he's hit the nail on the head.

the key to conversation is getting other people todo the talking, everyone loves talking about themselves, so if you can listen, and not get bored people will think they've had a good chat even if they havn't.

Reply 19

Lirael Abhorsen

if he's your best mate then obviously he likes your personality so it shouldn't really matter what you talk about and he'll appreciate it...just ask him what he's been up to recently, comment on random interesting things that have been happening to you, i think the mistake some people make is that they always seem to think conversation has to follow a coherent structure which patently isn't the case