Himmoving on, I can't

Hi, Me and my bf broke up around christmas time and things have been kinda weird since then till about 2 weeks ago, e.g sleeping together, kissing etc. Now I've found out he's met someone else and he really likes her, think shes amazing etc. Thing is I can't seem to move on and get over him, it's been about 2 months and I'm nowhere near to losing my feelings for him, I still think he's amzing and lovely etc. and it's really killing me knowing he wants someone else already. I know everyone moves on at diffrnet speeds and hes the one who dumped me, I just can't seem to move on :frown:

Know it probably sounds sad but I would just like advice or anyones experiences would be appreciated.

Reply 1

meeeee

It took me a few months to properly get over my ex and we'd been going out about 18months. But we carried on sleeping together for a month or so, which I now wish I hadn't done because it meant I couldn't start to get over him at all until I'd broken off all contact, because I thought as he still wants to sleep with me maybe there's a chance we can get back together. Sounds like you've been in the same position, which is probably why you haven't been able to move on either, but now you've stopped having so much intimate contact, it will become much much easier, and I promise one day you will wake up and feel completely over him. I think of my relationship properly ending when we broke off contact, so for you its only really been 2weeks, not 2 months which is hardly any time at all to get over someone! I know its horrible that he's met someone else already, but try not to think too much about it and think instead about all the lovely new guys out there you can now meet!

Reply 2

rosetinted

If you only stopped having sex, kissing and having lots of contact with him 2 weeks ago then you really only broke up 2 weeks ago.

Sleeping with someone after you break up is never a good idea. Especially if you were the one who was broken up with rather than the person who initiated the split. It just makes things more painful because you wonder why it didn't work out and secretly hope to get back together, you think if he's still kissing you, sleeping with you and seeing you that he will realise what he's missing.

I'm afraid he had probably detached himself from your emotionally by initiating the split. He has been ready to find someone else and clearly has been looking, whilst you've been hoping for reconciliation. You want different things so it's going to be hard to get over this because you feel rejected and hurt.

Time is the only thing that will help. Carry on your life as normal, don't become a recluse and try and try to consider the good things. You have more time for yourself, you can be more independant, you wouldn't want him to lie to you by staying together when he's not happy..etc.

Reply 3

Harv616

Exs are evil
Exs are evil
Exs are evil
Exs are evil
Exs are evil
Exs are evil
Exs are evil
Exs are evil
Exs are evil
Exs are evi
Exs are evil
Exs are evil
Exs are evil
Exs are evil

Just break all contact and meet new guys. You will move on soon enough.

Reply 4

Anonymous #1

But what happens from the other point of view? When one of the people in the relationship wants to get out and finds it impossible to escape the other?

Surely that person who feels so hurt should accept the blame also for persisting and following that person when they know their feelings are messed up.

Final verdict - nobody is to blame. These things just happen. When you go out with somebody, you accept the fact that evetually you will split and one or both of you will get hurt. Its a fact of life.

Exs are evil
Exs are evil
Exs are evil

No theyre not.

Reply 5

Monkey_Maiden

Anonymous

Surely that person who feels so hurt should accept the blame also for persisting and following that person when they know their feelings are messed up.
.

The person who is hurt can't help feeling dejected and maybe clinging to some sort of hope, yes it might seem annoying but it'snot their fault, I'm finding it very hard to gradually distance myslef from him, we talk on msn sometimes but hes said quite meanly he doesnt wanna talk but then other days he seems like he does, i get confused

Reply 6

pixiepeep

I'm still trying to stop caring so much about what my ex thinks of me (which means on some level i still care about him more than i probably should) and we've nearly been split up a year.

If you're with someone for a long time it can take up to 2 years to really get over them.

Reply 7

Monkey_Maiden

pixiepeep

Thank you, that reassures me more. Thing that gets me down is the fact that my ex gets very mad at me that I'm not over him yet, he expects me to be dating other people but I'm not ready yet.

Reply 8

El Scotto

Monkey_Maiden

Thank you, that reassures me more. Thing that gets me down is the fact that my ex gets very mad at me that I'm not over him yet, he expects me to be dating other people but I'm not ready yet.

Tell him if he wasnt sleeping with you or kissing you up to 2weeks ago you prob would of got over him sooner. lol

Reply 9

*tinkabella*

as other people have said - carrying on as if you're still in a relationship isnt a good idea - i split up with my ex in oct '04 after a yr together, he ended it because it was long distance, but also just because i think he wanted to enjoy uni being single.
Whenever he came home it was as if things hadnt changed, and it always made me think he still loved me and there was a chance of us getting back together. If i started seeing someone else he would tel me he loved me and wanted me back, and then once i had finished things with the other person he would change his mind. This carried on right up until the end of last year, when i met my current bf. He was the first person i knew i cdnt leave to go running back to my ex, and i would only now say i am completely over him.

To the OP, dont rush yourself into seeing other ppl if you arent ready, but do try and put a bit of difference between you and your ex. I know it feels like it will never get better, and the pain will never go away, but honestly it will, even if it does take a long time. Dont try to force it, just take each day as it comes, and concentrate on other things in life that make you happy. Hope you feel better soon xx

Reply 10

sahsum

From my own experience I've found the best thing to do is accept the fact you like them rather than trying to fight your feelings, this way you will move on more naturally than forcing yourself. Also, definately try and break contact for as long as you can it really helps.

Reply 11

PaperMoon

The thought of him with someone else really should put an end to all thoughts that he was amazing and the right guy for you. In fact it should make you angry and never want to see him again. If he was ready to move on to another girl so quickly ( it is quick just after 2 weeks), you should just realise he does not want to be with you and that he only slept with you to fulfil his urges quickly. I think he probably does feel bad for you, hence his blowing hot and cold when talking to you.
As for getting over it, lots of tears and cookies initially do it, but you're probably past that stage. Just concentrate on your life, your friends, family and studies. Go out and try to have some fun, and talk to other people other than him. Sadly it does take a long time for things to get better, but they definitely will.

Reply 12

Cirsium

I am over you,
Until I look into your eyes.
I am over you,
Until you hold me so tight.
I am over you,
Until we starting talking about the past.
I am over you,
Until you say, "I wish you were nearer."
I am over you,
Until you kiss me on the forehead.
I am over you,
Until we start making plans.
I am over you,
Until we share a true honest laugh.
I am over you,
Until ... until I remember I’m not.

Reply 13

Tarts_n_Vicars

I don't know what to say except I sympathise! I was/am going through a similar thing myself so I totally understand. It's been a couple of months for me and I think I'm ready to break all contact - hanging on only made it worse, particularly with him wanting to stay friends and my heart breaking every time I spoke to him.

Eventually you'll wonder why you got so upset over him. Try and focus on that....it does get easier :smile: