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Do we change?
I'm not sure if you guys remember me, so I'll give you the necessary background info. I'm a first year student at UCLA. I'm not very social. I spend most of my time in my dorm, and have very few friends, if any. Don't get me wrong. I'm not anti-social. I'm not a recluse. I just keep to myself...a little more than most. A big part of the reason is also becuase I'm swamped with work.
So, clearly, I'm not focusing on my social life at all. But I want to later on, after I graduate. I want to make friends once I get a job (in the UK of course). That's when I feel I'll have more time on my hands to make friends and maintain a social life. I believe that I'll be much more mature then, as well. So my question is this. Is this possible?
I mean, do you think it'd be possible for a shy guy like me to actually change after graduation and start making friends? Do you think it'd be more hard or easier than it is in college?
So, clearly, I'm not focusing on my social life at all. But I want to later on, after I graduate. I want to make friends once I get a job (in the UK of course). That's when I feel I'll have more time on my hands to make friends and maintain a social life. I believe that I'll be much more mature then, as well. So my question is this. Is this possible?
I mean, do you think it'd be possible for a shy guy like me to actually change after graduation and start making friends? Do you think it'd be more hard or easier than it is in college?
I wouldn't worry about it mate, i'm just like you, i'm in my first year too. I have made a few mates, but they always let me down or dont put the effort in so I have only a few friends. I'm not worried at all, im working hard so I can get to the place I want to be. Of course you will be able to make friends. I don't think change is the right work I think it's more a case of personal progression so like I said I wouldn't worry about it. On the other hand whilst it is important to work hard it is also importanct to have balance in your life. Don't just work all the time, take time to do something for youself and become rounded as a person and have something more than just academic success, although that is important.
Well I am still at college, hoping to go to uni next summer. I have friends, not loads but a few who I consider good friends. I wouldnt worry about it just get involved in something and you will meet people. Probably a good way to do it like you are atleast there are few distractions. It could be hard to make friends initially because other groups may have been friends for many years but it will happen.
It's never too late to start! What I would suggest though would be to give it a go NOW, even though you're going to be leaving in a couple of years - it's good practice at making yourself more confident and will stop you from putting it off 
. Bear in mind that in the 'real world' opportunities to make friends are unlikely to be as close at hand as they are now - you'll have to make a bit more of an effort as not everyone is in the same boat in a slightly contrived situation. You've got nothing to lose by making a few casual acquaintances now.
. Bear in mind that in the 'real world' opportunities to make friends are unlikely to be as close at hand as they are now - you'll have to make a bit more of an effort as not everyone is in the same boat in a slightly contrived situation. You've got nothing to lose by making a few casual acquaintances now.
Like someone else said...why wait to start? Even though you have a lot of work it shouldn't consume your life. University is also about the social experience and growth it can offer you.
I firmly believe anyone can meet people at university. You are mostly in the same boat...in a new place, with new people and everyone is a bit lost and scared. Believe me that I understand the situation and there is absolutely nothing wrong with enjoying your own company (if that is the case). If you are genuinely happy by yourself then don't totally go and change that. The ability to be happy by yourself is an invaluable one.
However if you aren't happy with the amount of alone time you are getting then you should do something to change it starting now..not in 2 years time. If you're planning something in 2 years maybe it's because it's a daunting idea and you find it easier to convince yourself that you have too much work. Live in the here and now..not 2 years in the future.
I was very shy up until fairly recently. I hated to phone people because I found it difficult to talk to people I didn't know. I didn't like partying or drinking, which made it hard to go 'out clubbing' (which of course us young uns are supposed to love), walking into a room of people I didn't know made me feel sick with worry. However I also felt that if I could overcome these fears I'd be a hell of a lot happier.
I got involved with an activity I really love (skiing) and surrounded myself with a group of people of similar interests. Because we shared a common interest I found it easy to integrate and start making friends. I would force myself to go out sometimes to a pub or club and have a few drinks and chat, even though I didn't feel like dancing I could still share their enjoyment of being out. I'd start to talk to people I didn't know in the street (just asking the time or chatting to people at a bus stop) and I realised that I actually kind of enjoyed it and had some fun resulting conversations. The main thing is I didn't change myself or my behaviour really at all. It was hard work to convince myself that going to the bar would be fun and indeed it wasn't always. However I definitely wasn't the only wallflower who wasn't into dancing and so I would join the groups of other people not wanting to dance and talk to them.
After I passed my exam to become a ski instructor I found myself in a position of authority. I was teaching other people to do an activity I loved, they look up to me, I was better at it than they were and really enjoyed passing along my knowledge and helping them improve. This was all a mega confidence boost. It really turned me from shy to talkative because I held the authority in my lessons and felt respected. I was my own boss during the lesson and I found that talking about a subject I loved was easy because everyone I was with wanted to hear it.
So rather than giving yourself a really hard task to make friends with everyone. Why not start by finding a club at your uni for something you really like or are good at. You can chat to other people about it, share knowledge and maybe teach them something. If that isn't your cup of tea then there are other things you can do. My friend volunteers on a phone in help line at her uni and it gives her a really nice feeling of doing something helpful for others. Plus she's talking to people she doesn't know and feels valuable because she is giving advice. Maybe get involved with helping to organise an event or something. It can really help you to stop feeling shy if you put yourself into a position of authority rather than shying away.
For me to stop feeling shy I had to improve my feelings of self worth and realise that I had interesting things to say. My shyness came from poor body image too, so things like wearing a nice new t shirt, or buying some new accessories helped me feel good about myself. Figure out what it is that you are shy about..then find a way to make yourself feel better about it. If you want to drop me a PM or anything then go right ahead. I've gone from shy to outgoing in a couple of years. I've travelled to different countries alone, met crowds of new people and made some great friends. I'm happy to share the how and why of it if you want.
I firmly believe anyone can meet people at university. You are mostly in the same boat...in a new place, with new people and everyone is a bit lost and scared. Believe me that I understand the situation and there is absolutely nothing wrong with enjoying your own company (if that is the case). If you are genuinely happy by yourself then don't totally go and change that. The ability to be happy by yourself is an invaluable one.
However if you aren't happy with the amount of alone time you are getting then you should do something to change it starting now..not in 2 years time. If you're planning something in 2 years maybe it's because it's a daunting idea and you find it easier to convince yourself that you have too much work. Live in the here and now..not 2 years in the future.
I was very shy up until fairly recently. I hated to phone people because I found it difficult to talk to people I didn't know. I didn't like partying or drinking, which made it hard to go 'out clubbing' (which of course us young uns are supposed to love), walking into a room of people I didn't know made me feel sick with worry. However I also felt that if I could overcome these fears I'd be a hell of a lot happier.
I got involved with an activity I really love (skiing) and surrounded myself with a group of people of similar interests. Because we shared a common interest I found it easy to integrate and start making friends. I would force myself to go out sometimes to a pub or club and have a few drinks and chat, even though I didn't feel like dancing I could still share their enjoyment of being out. I'd start to talk to people I didn't know in the street (just asking the time or chatting to people at a bus stop) and I realised that I actually kind of enjoyed it and had some fun resulting conversations. The main thing is I didn't change myself or my behaviour really at all. It was hard work to convince myself that going to the bar would be fun and indeed it wasn't always. However I definitely wasn't the only wallflower who wasn't into dancing and so I would join the groups of other people not wanting to dance and talk to them.
After I passed my exam to become a ski instructor I found myself in a position of authority. I was teaching other people to do an activity I loved, they look up to me, I was better at it than they were and really enjoyed passing along my knowledge and helping them improve. This was all a mega confidence boost. It really turned me from shy to talkative because I held the authority in my lessons and felt respected. I was my own boss during the lesson and I found that talking about a subject I loved was easy because everyone I was with wanted to hear it.
So rather than giving yourself a really hard task to make friends with everyone. Why not start by finding a club at your uni for something you really like or are good at. You can chat to other people about it, share knowledge and maybe teach them something. If that isn't your cup of tea then there are other things you can do. My friend volunteers on a phone in help line at her uni and it gives her a really nice feeling of doing something helpful for others. Plus she's talking to people she doesn't know and feels valuable because she is giving advice. Maybe get involved with helping to organise an event or something. It can really help you to stop feeling shy if you put yourself into a position of authority rather than shying away.
For me to stop feeling shy I had to improve my feelings of self worth and realise that I had interesting things to say. My shyness came from poor body image too, so things like wearing a nice new t shirt, or buying some new accessories helped me feel good about myself. Figure out what it is that you are shy about..then find a way to make yourself feel better about it. If you want to drop me a PM or anything then go right ahead. I've gone from shy to outgoing in a couple of years. I've travelled to different countries alone, met crowds of new people and made some great friends. I'm happy to share the how and why of it if you want.
svdesi
I'm not sure if you guys remember me, so I'll give you the necessary background info. I'm a first year student at UCLA. I'm not very social. I spend most of my time in my dorm, and have very few friends, if any. Don't get me wrong. I'm not anti-social. I'm not a recluse. I just keep to myself...a little more than most. A big part of the reason is also becuase I'm swamped with work.
So, clearly, I'm not focusing on my social life at all. But I want to later on, after I graduate. I want to make friends once I get a job (in the UK of course). That's when I feel I'll have more time on my hands to make friends and maintain a social life. I believe that I'll be much more mature then, as well. So my question is this. Is this possible?
I mean, do you think it'd be possible for a shy guy like me to actually change after graduation and start making friends? Do you think it'd be more hard or easier than it is in college?
So, clearly, I'm not focusing on my social life at all. But I want to later on, after I graduate. I want to make friends once I get a job (in the UK of course). That's when I feel I'll have more time on my hands to make friends and maintain a social life. I believe that I'll be much more mature then, as well. So my question is this. Is this possible?
I mean, do you think it'd be possible for a shy guy like me to actually change after graduation and start making friends? Do you think it'd be more hard or easier than it is in college?
you're not a record with the same grooves permently imprinted into your soul.
If ya wanna change the best time to start is the present.
svdesi
So, clearly, I'm not focusing on my social life at all. But I want to later on, after I graduate. I want to make friends once I get a job (in the UK of course). That's when I feel I'll have more time on my hands to make friends and maintain a social life. I believe that I'll be much more mature then, as well. So my question is this. Is this possible?
So, clearly, I'm not focusing on my social life at all. But I want to later on, after I graduate. I want to make friends once I get a job (in the UK of course). That's when I feel I'll have more time on my hands to make friends and maintain a social life. I believe that I'll be much more mature then, as well. So my question is this. Is this possible?
I'd advise you make friends now aswell, as some one has said it will initially be a lot harder when you graduate because the 'real world' is a very different environment. Also as a final year student applying for jobs, you'll be a lot more employable if you can show that your socially developed (not the best phrase i know). But studying hard for a degree is pointless if you are unemployable because recruiters don't think you have good enough social skills. As a fairly shy person myself i understand how hard it can be, but it is definitely worth it both for now and the future.
svdesi
I'm not sure if you guys remember me, so I'll give you the necessary background info. I'm a first year student at UCLA. I'm not very social. I spend most of my time in my dorm, and have very few friends, if any. Don't get me wrong. I'm not anti-social. I'm not a recluse. I just keep to myself...a little more than most. A big part of the reason is also becuase I'm swamped with work.
So, clearly, I'm not focusing on my social life at all. But I want to later on, after I graduate. I want to make friends once I get a job (in the UK of course). That's when I feel I'll have more time on my hands to make friends and maintain a social life. I believe that I'll be much more mature then, as well. So my question is this. Is this possible?
I mean, do you think it'd be possible for a shy guy like me to actually change after graduation and start making friends? Do you think it'd be more hard or easier than it is in college?
So, clearly, I'm not focusing on my social life at all. But I want to later on, after I graduate. I want to make friends once I get a job (in the UK of course). That's when I feel I'll have more time on my hands to make friends and maintain a social life. I believe that I'll be much more mature then, as well. So my question is this. Is this possible?
I mean, do you think it'd be possible for a shy guy like me to actually change after graduation and start making friends? Do you think it'd be more hard or easier than it is in college?
If anything, I would advise you to make the most of the University social life and make your friends there, because they are they ones that you will appreciate the most and will be with you for the longest amount of time. You meet a lot of people through work, but they are not always the people you would choose to spend your time time with, and a lot of the time the only thing you have in common is your job.
I am speaking from experience here, I worked full time during my gap year and although I did meet a lot of great people, most of them weren't friend material and there were not that many social events (mainly because most people are so knackered and sick of spending all day with eachother that the last thing they would want to do is spend the evening with them too).
Obviously everyone is different, but it will be much harder than you think to socialise once you are in a full time job. Ask anyone who has graduated and found a job, I'm sure most of them will agree.
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