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Getting chucked out of uni for mental health reasons.
I hate the use of the anon button, but a a few people will knowwho i am and i don't want the necessary attention.
Right well I'm at uni and having a pretty crap time, fell out with my mates, got dumped, having accomm issues and generally meeting new people as there aren't many people here. I've done the whole societies thing. After being raped not last Fri but the Fri before this has made me feel even worse about the situation. This has all led me into feeling down and i tried to kill myself 3 times last week. My neighbour was concerned about me because she could hear wierd noises and got my resident tutor, who sent me to hospital. Anyway i was refered to counselling about the attempted suicides but i havent told anyone about the rape. Anyway the counselling was pretty useless as the guy was quite patronising and condescending. All of this has led to me having to go and see a Dr tomorrow to access my mental health, and I could be chucked out. I dont really know what to do, and not having any mates or a close family im just really stuck. I dont know why im writing this, but has anyone been in a similar situation at all? Cheers x
Right well I'm at uni and having a pretty crap time, fell out with my mates, got dumped, having accomm issues and generally meeting new people as there aren't many people here. I've done the whole societies thing. After being raped not last Fri but the Fri before this has made me feel even worse about the situation. This has all led me into feeling down and i tried to kill myself 3 times last week. My neighbour was concerned about me because she could hear wierd noises and got my resident tutor, who sent me to hospital. Anyway i was refered to counselling about the attempted suicides but i havent told anyone about the rape. Anyway the counselling was pretty useless as the guy was quite patronising and condescending. All of this has led to me having to go and see a Dr tomorrow to access my mental health, and I could be chucked out. I dont really know what to do, and not having any mates or a close family im just really stuck. I dont know why im writing this, but has anyone been in a similar situation at all? Cheers x
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No unfortunately i dont have a personal tutoror anyone similar that's why im feeling more isolated i suppose
You've let someone who raped you get away with it for free?
Sorry to hear you've been through so much. Surely uni can't throw you out for mental health reasons? Tha'd be like being fired cos of it and i'm sure there'd be legal implications. Anything you say to the doctor should be confidential right? There are helplines for people who have been raped, and i'm told they can be helpful in coming to terms with what happened, and providing support.
As far as counseeling goes could you not ask to see another person? Before i OD i had a bitch of a counseller who was also patronising, but i asked to see another one and that went better. Sometimes it might take finding the right one before you feel comfortable talking about everything (including the rape)
Sorry i can't offer more advice, and i'm sorry for what you're going through. I've suffered badly from depression (self harm, suicide and sexual assualt) myself and i know how hard it made uni for me, but you just have to hang in tehre as hard as it may be at first. I hope things get better for you
As far as counseeling goes could you not ask to see another person? Before i OD i had a bitch of a counseller who was also patronising, but i asked to see another one and that went better. Sometimes it might take finding the right one before you feel comfortable talking about everything (including the rape)
Sorry i can't offer more advice, and i'm sorry for what you're going through. I've suffered badly from depression (self harm, suicide and sexual assualt) myself and i know how hard it made uni for me, but you just have to hang in tehre as hard as it may be at first. I hope things get better for you
Yea i suppose trying a different counsellor is a good idea, just i was put off with the first one, so havent contemplated going back. I'm not at all close with my family and stuff like this i cant share.
Anonymous
You've let someone who raped you get away with it for free?
Its not always that simple. Many rape vitims are too scared to, or just don't report the rape. Its a horrible thing to go through in thefirst place and many women feel that they can't go throuh with reporting it, (and catching the rapist, a possible trial etc is traumatic too)
Sorry to hear you have had such a rough time......maybe if you could speak to your academic tutor and explain the circumstances, this might be a good start, and possibly your parents, i know it must be difficult, telling someone might help matters and ease the huge burden on you at the moment.
Take care xx
Take care xx
Anonymous
No unfortunately i dont have a personal tutoror anyone similar that's why im feeling more isolated i suppose
what about your close friends have you spoken to them?
Imagine how they'd feel if you'd suceeded in commiting suicide?
They'd be sitting there upset thinking and wondering if it was something they missed, if there was anything they could of done to help you.
I think you should try and give them that opportunity.
No matter how crap anything feels, it can only get better in theory it already has for you. It can't be any worse than the friday before last. and you are still alive now. take a week out, go see your family or close friends if they live away from you.
Anonymous
You've let someone who raped you get away with it for free?
When something like that happens, believe me it's easier said than done to tell someone about it You might think I'm being pathetic, but comments like that don't help anyone.
this is a terrible situation to be in, i am really sorry.
it is awful feeling as low as you do, but there is only one way now, and that is up.
what you really need to do is find someone who you can confide this in.
if you feel embarassed then write what you are feeling in a letter and give that to someone. sometimes letters also provide you with a way of figuring things out for yourself; once you have written it, read it over and you can start to understand your feelings, which i am sure will be very mixed up.
after you have told someone, they may try to convince you to go to the police. now, that may seem a really big, scary thing to do so, if you are not up to that at this very moment, don't do it. all of the DNA evidence would be gone now anyway so all they would be able to get from you is a statement and they can get that at any time. on saying this, once the statement part is out of the way, you can start the healing process.
getting over all that you feel will take a very long time. perhaps taking a year out from uni would help you get yourself sorted.
but please, tell someone. otherwise, this horrible cycle will keep turning and you'll find it really hard to break it.
well done on being able to write this thread, that's a really impressive step towards accepting what happened, and hopefull you will be filled with a little bit of courage to tell someone.
let us know how you get on
xxx
it is awful feeling as low as you do, but there is only one way now, and that is up.
what you really need to do is find someone who you can confide this in.
if you feel embarassed then write what you are feeling in a letter and give that to someone. sometimes letters also provide you with a way of figuring things out for yourself; once you have written it, read it over and you can start to understand your feelings, which i am sure will be very mixed up.
after you have told someone, they may try to convince you to go to the police. now, that may seem a really big, scary thing to do so, if you are not up to that at this very moment, don't do it. all of the DNA evidence would be gone now anyway so all they would be able to get from you is a statement and they can get that at any time. on saying this, once the statement part is out of the way, you can start the healing process.
getting over all that you feel will take a very long time. perhaps taking a year out from uni would help you get yourself sorted.
but please, tell someone. otherwise, this horrible cycle will keep turning and you'll find it really hard to break it.
well done on being able to write this thread, that's a really impressive step towards accepting what happened, and hopefull you will be filled with a little bit of courage to tell someone.
let us know how you get on
xxx
Anonymous
Yea i suppose trying a different counsellor is a good idea, just i was put off with the first one, so havent contemplated going back. I'm not at all close with my family and stuff like this i cant share.
Yeah. Don't do waht i did and let a badexperience of counselling let you rule it out as an option
they're not all bad. that said it isn't for everyone. Are there any friends (or friends of the fmaily) you could talk to? Could they act as a go between between you and your family? Its difficult to tell families this kind of thing, espeically if you aren't big talkers in the first place, but you're going through a difficult time , and really need their support. In that respect if they knew thry might be able to help? You wouldnt have to tell them everything at once, just bits if it helped?Anonymous
Its not always that simple. Many rape vitims are too scared to, or just don't report the rape. Its a horrible thing to go through in thefirst place and many women feel that they can't go throuh with reporting it, (and catching the rapist, a possible trial etc is traumatic too)
I can appreciate that, it's just someone has to take a stand otherwise it can just become recurring. Who's to say she was the first, there could have been many before her who didn't want to report.
As i said before i dont have any close friends anymore because of different reasons, or i would tell them. No my uni doesnt have an kind of service, that's why im turning tohere. Thanks Messedup for your response, is comfprting to know people have gone through similar things.
Anonymous
I can appreciate that, it's just someone has to take a stand otherwise it can just become recurring. Who's to say she was the first, there could have been many before her who didn't want to report.
True, but to be fair the justice system here is pretty crap as far as rape convictions go. I'm sure i read somewhere there was like a 4% convictio rate, but bearing in mind only 2% of rape alligations are false, thats a lot of people getting away with rape. If there is insufficiant dna evidence the CPS are unlikely to follow it through. Obvioudly if someone is caught and they plead guilty, then that would save the rape victim some of the trauma, but more often in not they plead not guilty, which means the rape victim has to face their attacker in court. Not only that i think the defence can still ask the victim personal questions etc and i think that in some case the trial can be equally as harmful as the rape. Plus what if they go through al that, only for them to be found not guity (which happens a lot). I see where you're coming from, but just the factthis girl has been able to admit to being raped must have taken so much courage. On top of all her other problems she evidnetly has a lot to come to terms with, so in a sense i sympathise and don't blame her for not being able to report it.
Anonymous
When something like that happens, believe me it's easier said than done to tell someone about it You might think I'm being pathetic, but comments like that don't help anyone.
Have you reported the attack? Im sure your parents still care a lot even if you are not that close, Id say take a few weeks out of uni and spend some time with them your clearly under a lot of stress. If you can't do this the only option really is speaking to someone who will listen and try to help ie: a different counsellor. Don't do anything stupid let people know about this and give them the chance to help! Pm me if you wanna talk xx
No i havent reported the attack as i find it hard enough talking on an anon basis, let alone going to the police and being made to remember all the details that ive been trying to forget. I cant really take time out of uni, so if im allowed to stay i cant go home, becuse my course is quite practicalbased so not eay to catch up. Then if i gave up uni id be seen as more of a failure.
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