I'm "not easy to figure out" ..

14

My friends or new people I meet always tell me this..

They say stuff like they can't see anything through me, they can't figure me out etc meaning my personality.

I've tried to see how I need to change but it's too hard, I just don't get it.

Has anyone the same problem? And what do I do? I'm so sick and tired of it, I have to be so different, I just want to be normal.

It's partly the reason why I'm not very sociable anymore.. And the reason why I don't have a girlfriend either. That's not important, but it counts.

I've had bad experiences with people/friends/and even family (when I was small) and this makes me untrustworthy of people now. I don't seem to be able to let anyone into my life/my heart or my thoughts.

This may be important: My last ex, we went out with eachother for 10 months, and split up just over a year and a month ago. It was a very very crap relationship, and though I never let anyone treat me bad, she did, and I couldn't help it.

It's almost as if she taught me "not to love". Before then I was alright, but since then I've dramatically changed. I cannot seem to pinpoint where I'm going wrong, and what I'm meant to do. I can help others reallyyyyy well with their relationships and normally sort things out, it's just when it comes to me I'm terribly CRAP.

If I tell anyone about this, they all keep saying "maybe it's just a phase" etc but I really really don't think so.

It's like, I just can't be bothered with anyone anymore, my few friends now/my family or girls even. I lack enthusiasm. If someone cracks a joke, i'll barely laugh, but I want to laugh. It's just not happening.

The thing is, I used to be soo sociable, everyone used to come to me, everyone used to talk to me, I cannot stress how happy and nice I used to be in a thread. Now, it seems everyones given up with me, and the people who haven't given up with me - I've given up with them.

My phone hardly ever rings.

Any suggestions or ideas much muchh appreciated!

Reply 1

filastini

OP

14

One more thing: I know some people will say 'just go out with mates, enjoy yourself etc', but that's forcing me onto a much higher step to where I am now. What's my next step? I want to take it slowly, because it simply won't work for me if I don't.

Reply 2

djk_99

13

jusfarhan

One more thing: I know some people will say 'just go out with mates, enjoy yourself etc', but that's forcing me onto a much higher step to where I am now. What's my next step? I want to take it slowly, because it simply won't work for me if I don't.

Just start by going out with a few people to the pub for a drink or to play pool. Or watching telly together. Or going to the cinema. Doesnt require huge social skills to do that. Then take it from there!
People say they cant figure me out all the time, but I take it as a compliment. Shows I have some depth!

Reply 3

filastini

OP

14

djk_99

Just start by going out with a few people to the pub for a drink or to play pool. Or watching telly together. Or going to the cinema. Doesnt require huge social skills to do that. Then take it from there!
People say they cant figure me out all the time, but I take it as a compliment. Shows I have some depth!

I suppose.. Start with the little things. Then again, sometimes I still ain't bothered. I'll give it a good go again, hopefully/maybe things will change. I hope my enthusiasm will change too.

Thanks! :yy:

Reply 4

*claire_med*

Yea I q like it I would rather not be crystal clear

Reply 5

filastini

OP

14

*claire_med*

Yea I q like it I would rather not be crystal clear

But how I am, it's really bad. You may be like that to an extent, but I'm wayy over the limit.

Reply 6

filastini

OP

14

I've got soo many things to say; Another thing is that I'm scared of people's expectations of me, sometimes I think I must be so boring and what they'd think of me would be bad.

Reply 7

What's Chico Time Precious?

12

I kinda know how this is, not like it myself i don't think but i've met people, or particularly one person who was utterly impossible to read, you can't for love nor money tell what she's thinking...

Basically it seems like i'm always the one suggesting things, putting my feelings across, telling her stuff...her reactions are just unreadable because there are none! It really is hard trying to get through to her, painstakingly frustrating, almost like she is dead inside, well not quite obviously...

My advice to you, would be to bite the bullet, take a chance...you say you've had bad experiences, but tbh life isn't going to be all bad experiences, if you keep thinking like that you're just gonna stay in the same rut...

As a first step...you say your phone never rings...well perhaps start ringing/texting people...communicate with friends and whoever through that more...especially if you're not ready for going out and meeting people in person...tempted to say msn but that's a little backward and you want to be looking forwards...positive attitude and all that....

Reply 8

envious

I really sympathise with your situation :smile:

From reading your posts you seem to be suffering almost a disconnection from the rest of the world and although it is a feeling that most people suffer at one time or another, it seems that you can't seem to overcome it. I think you have already identified yourself the possible reasons of why you are feeling the way you do but I think it would help loads if you talked over these issues with someone you can trust. If you feel that you don't have a close friend or family member that you can share all this with, then you could try a school/uni councillor or even a helpline (the samaritans, childline etc). I know that there is sometimes a bit of a stigma associated towards seeking help but sometimes things can become too much for someone to deal with alone.

Also, from what I have read you seem to be putting far too much pressure upon yourself to acheive your own expectations. It's like you expect yourself to have a certain number of friends and be sociable all the time, and when you are not acheiving these targets you blame yourself and thus your self confidence decreases further and you become more withdrawn. Try not to be so tough on yourself and stop judging your life by such high standards. Remember that nobody has a perfect life and don't push yourself into suddenly becoming really sociable to try and solve all your problems. Take your time and make small steps (i.e. ring an old friend to catch up or arrange a small gathering with a few friends).

I hope everyything works out for you and I hope I've helped :tsr2:

Reply 9

e11even

10

I'm sorry to hear what you're going through at the moment. I didn't know :frown:

. Two years ago, I was in quite a similar situation - I'm not going to elaborate upon it on this thread, but feel free to ask me privately, if you wish :smile:

. I got through it, although, I must admit it took awhile, a whole load of praying and determination. You've got to know that there are people out there who truly care for you. Lacking enthusiasm may be because you've tried it before, but get no response. This, however, shouldn't be an excuse for you to give up, but try harder. If you stay in your shell, you won't be able to do anything, but analyse the situation. Make an effort - the changes you see will be worthwhile :smile:

. At least I hope so. :hugs:

I'm "not easy to figure out" ..

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