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Is this justifiable?

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Is this justifiable?

1

I am sleeping with my exboyfriend. There is no question of getting back together and we aren't just friends but it isn't a romantic relationship though we are really affectionate and he pays for me to come visit him. He is seeing other people and I am fine with that and we have an agreement that he doesn't talk about them and he keeps it out of my face and he is usually respectful and things are fine between us. I went to Italy last week and then we had planned I would come stay with him for a couple days afterward. He had more than a week notice and I had come more or less on his invitation. However the day before I come back from Italy he sends me a text saying he is going out Saturday while I'm there. I was really upset about this and dumbfounded. We had made plans long before he made plans with this other girl. I couldn't believe he would expect me to stay at his apartment while he went out with another girl until possibly 6am the next morning.

His justification is 1) he didn't know I would be that upset 2) now it was too late to change plans with her and she might break it off with him if he tried 3) he had spent a lot of time with me lately and she was getting jealous and put a lot of pressure on him to go out on saturday 4) we are friends so I am not entitled to be this bothered.

So I ended up just going back home Saturday and it just feels really really wrong that this happened and that he treated me this way. He is slightly incredulous that I am taking it so badly. So I want to know if you think I am overreacting or if the way he acted is unjustifiable.

Reply 1

G4ry

1

katiesado

it just feels really really wrong that this happened and that he treated me this way. He is slightly incredulous that I am taking it so badly. So I want to know if you think I am overreacting or if the way he acted is justifiable.

Perhaps it is wrong. You're both just in it for sex it seems as you have no intention of taking it further. He's gone and got himself a girlfriend and you're too attached to him - what was a physical exercise has now become emotional. If he's with another girl now why do you want to be his bit on the side? Just get out while you can.

Reply 2

mc_hamster

1

I don't understand, you say you are fine with him seeing other people but when he does you start getting annoyed.

Sorry I'm just confused.

Reply 3

Reue

20

he's not your bf... over-reacting!

Reply 4

Monkey_Maiden

11

katiesado

I am sleeping with my exboyfriend. There is no question of getting back together and we aren't just friends but it isn't a romantic relationship. He is seeing other people and I am fine with that and we have an agreement that he doesn't talk about them and he keeps it out of my face and he is usually respectful and things are fine between us. I went to Italy last week and then we had planned I would come stay with him for a couple days afterward. He had more than a week notice and I had come more or less on his invitation. However the day before I come back from Italy he sends me a text saying he is going out Saturday while I'm there. I was really upset about this and dumbfounded. We had made plans long before he made plans with this other girl. I couldn't believe he would expect me to stay at his apartment while he went out with another girl and care so little about how I would feel about this.

His justification is 1) he didn't know I would be that upset 2) now it was too late to change plans with her and she might break it off with him if he tried 3) he had spent a lot of time with me lately and she was getting jealous and put a lot of pressure on him to go out on saturday 4) we are friends so I am not entitled to be this bothered.

So I ended up just going back home Saturday and it just feels really really wrong that this happened and that he treated me this way. He is slightly incredulous that I am taking it so badly. So I want to know if you think I am overreacting or if the way he acted is justifiable.

Sleeping with an ex is always stupid, im not being mean I was in the same position, my bf broke up with me but we still slept together, it made it so hard to get over him and so now we have limited contact and hes met someone else, which really hurts but is maybe for the best :frown:

Seems to me you have more feelings for him than he has for you, you said you were alright with him seeing other girls but its like you still act like your going out, in a way, get angry if he changes plans, He has the advantage of seeing other grls and having you around, whereas you hold a candle to him when you could be meeting other guys
I know its really hard but hes an ex for a reason and this is just dragging thingson and is hurting you and its not fair on theother girls. maybe see him less or talk to him, but you should really stop sleeping with him

Reply 5

Rainy

16

If his idea of a relationship with this girl involves the ex on the go at the same time, it's his fault for playing silly sods. You're hardly blameless though. If he means nothing to you but sex, ditch him and move on.

Reply 6

redandgreen

1

just because hes not her bf doesnt mean she cant over react.

if it was a friend or your mum or something that cancelled on your for someone else youd be pist off

Reply 7

smiley :)

Overreacting. He's not your boyfriend.

Reply 8

katiesado

OP

1

meew

Overreacting. He's not your boyfriend.

I am shocked that you think its ok for him to make plans with another girl while I am meant to sit at his apartment and wait for him to come back. You don't think thats disrespectful? Yeah he's not my boyfriend but it isnt that simple.

Reply 9

Reue

20

I am shocked that YOU think its ok to be screwing around with a guy when you know he is after another girl.

Reply 10

wazzup

katiesado

I am shocked that you think its ok for him to make plans with another girl while I am meant to sit at his apartment and wait for him to come back. You don't think thats disrespectful? Yeah he's not my boyfriend but it isnt that simple.

but u r just **** bodies.

Reply 11

tony_parsons

if you insist on acting like a slut,expect to be treated as one.

Reply 12

mousey

2

Forget the sleeping together bit for a second.

If you arranged to visit a friend for the weekend ages in advance, and then they told you they were going out on Saturday and you would have to stay in and wait for them, then i think you're right to be annoyed.

He amde plans with you and broke them off to see someone else, wheatever the relationship you guys have that's just really rude. xx

Reply 13

Fleece

15

katiesado

I am shocked that you think its ok for him to make plans with another girl while I am meant to sit at his apartment and wait for him to come back. You don't think thats disrespectful? Yeah he's not my boyfriend but it isnt that simple.

I'm a little shocked frankly, that you think you're entitled to be pissed over this. He's not your boyfriend, he's your EX, who you are "just" sleeping with. Been there, done that, and no matter what you say, you cant just switch your feelings off for him. I hardly think the whole of situation (i.e. him seeing other girls whilst also sleeping with his ex gf) is ok.

EDIT: he doesnt want to be with you, so why should he put his life on hold (i.e miss out on the chance of seeing another girl) for his ex? you say you're "friends" but i bet you're going for more than that.

sorry if this is harsh but you wanted opinions. least you said you did

Reply 14

Sarky

18

If anyone close to me blew me off (pun intended) for someone else at short notice i'd be a bit pissed. Complicates things that you are sleeping together but i'd still be annoyed.

Reply 15

Anonymous #1

katiesado

I am sleeping with my exboyfriend. There is no question of getting back together and we aren't just friends but it isn't a romantic relationship though we are really affectionate and he pays for me to come visit him. He is seeing other people and I am fine with that and we have an agreement that he doesn't talk about them and he keeps it out of my face and he is usually respectful and things are fine between us. I went to Italy last week and then we had planned I would come stay with him for a couple days afterward. He had more than a week notice and I had come more or less on his invitation. However the day before I come back from Italy he sends me a text saying he is going out Saturday while I'm there. I was really upset about this and dumbfounded. We had made plans long before he made plans with this other girl. I couldn't believe he would expect me to stay at his apartment while he went out with another girl until possibly 6am the next morning.

His justification is 1) he didn't know I would be that upset 2) now it was too late to change plans with her and she might break it off with him if he tried 3) he had spent a lot of time with me lately and she was getting jealous and put a lot of pressure on him to go out on saturday 4) we are friends so I am not entitled to be this bothered.

So I ended up just going back home Saturday and it just feels really really wrong that this happened and that he treated me this way. He is slightly incredulous that I am taking it so badly. So I want to know if you think I am overreacting or if the way he acted is justifiable.

Certainly not overreacting but then, what else can you say? You said you were fine with him being with other girls, you agreed for him to just consider you as someone to get with when he has no better alternative.

That's why these whole arrangements suck: at the end of the day, it's about one person who wants to use someone while he/she looks for something better. It very, very rarely is a mutual feeling and even when it is, it's screwed up, because one person meets someone "a bit more special" (so better than their partner) and the partner ends up feeling gutted because they realise they're not as "good" (in the eyes of the other person) as this person he/she just met.

We're all human beings and want the feeling that we're special, that we were chosen by this other partner for reasons other than "can't find anything better at the moment".

Already, the fact you didn't want to hear about your ex's other escapades, just shows that in reality, you can't face up to the truth. People always say that these arrangements can work if people are honest. They never are honest because if they were honest they'd have to say "sorry but I'm just shagging you because I haven't got anyone better to do that with and to be honest, I don't think you're worth going out with". If you say that to someone, not sure they'd be interested any longer....

so we lie... "I really like you but...blablabla".

Reply 16

Anonymous #1

Fleece

EDIT: he doesnt want to be with you, so why should he put his life on hold (i.e miss out on the chance of seeing another girl) for his ex? you say you're "friends" but i bet you're going for more than that.

sorry if this is harsh but you wanted opinions. least you said you did

The guy is an asshole clearly. So basically, he's shagging some ex, while he's looking to see if he can find something better and probably waiting until he's sure he can get regular sex out of this girl to permanently get rid of poor katie. Too many of you girls just fall for this kind of crap attitude because you all dream that you can separate lust and feelings. You think it'll give you some emotional rest. I pity this "girlfriend" too. Basically he'll dump his ex permanently once he's sure he can get something worthwhile with her...

That's called using people and is pathetic. If you want to treat people like merchandise, going from one to the other, calculating what's the best value for money, exchanging, swapping, seeing what we can get out of each one...

Katie you were stupid for getting used. Sorry to have to say that it clearly wasn't you both using eachother. You still needed affection and respect and not sex. You weren't going to get that out of an asshole like that.

Is this justifiable?

Is this justifiable?

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