The Student Room Group

I don't like being a boy

It's confusing...being male is part of my identity, and I do not reject it, yet I dislike the "male" part of it because it feels wrong and highly embarassing. However, in certain situations, I can be happy with masculinity, although I have never had any kind of hint of any romantic relationship. When I was younger (and sometimes now) I used to strongly fantasise being a girl, and I would feel so confident and free with it, even though I did not openly cross dress or act like a typical female. The main problem is that any sense of "masculinity" I possess is "negative" to me, I want to reject it, automatically reducing my desirability as a male. The only one which I do not wish to reject is male sexual desire and certain other male characteristics which are not necessarily typically "manly" but are associated with being male. I also have an unusual sense of confidence since the confidence in my abilities is strong, I believe I can achieve any goal for studying, work, careers, and helping others, but when it comes to socialising, and in particular socialising in a romantic way, my internal monologue cannot help but reinforce self-defeatism and lack of hope for any romantic achievement (since I have never had a romantic connection from anybody). Couple that with the fact that the majority seem to find it so easy and it turns into a vicious cycle - Lack of confidence = Lack of desirability = Lack of confidence.
In terms of sexuality, I only envision true love with girls, although I have only found truly loved somebody once (although this was not reciprocated in the end). I also am sexually aroused by certain girls, but often by boys as well, and it tends to be a stronger, more lustful sense, whilst the desire for girls seems more subtle and satisfying. One reason may be that there was no male in my life, especially when I was young, that I wanted to emulate. There were plenty of women I identified with, but I lived in a family with a mother and sister primarily. I even remember drawing a lovingly detailed picture of a woman and a 30 second effort of a man next to her because he was of little importance to me. This is certainly not a hormonal "phase" or anything like that - I have dealt with this all my life, and it has only weakened during puberty, but is still a significant problem. I feel that I have no appeal to females if I myself am not comfortable and happy with being a male (which seems to be true judging by being a total relationship virgin). In terms of mentality, I have combined aspects - some male and some female thought processes, although this in itself is not that unusual. However, I feel that many "typically male" thought processes are negative to me, and I don't wish to associate myself with them - I will try to convince myself that I do not think this way. I don't know what to do, I'm not an absolute closet transsexual, I have no visions of romantic relationships with other boys, but I don't have any real masculine identity, what should I do?

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Reply 1
:confused:
Reply 2
Nice copy and paste job.
Wow...

This is a new low for the Health & Relationship forum.
Reply 4
-TMG-
Nice copy and paste job.


I'm the same person as the previous thread, I just wished to rearticulate some of my points and receive some constructive advice, ok?
Reply 5
I'm confused...whys it a c&p job?
Reply 6
Fleece
I'm confused...whys it a c&p job?


Because I brought some points from a previous similar thread I made into this one, but not the whole post.
Anonymous
It's confusing...being male is part of my identity, and I do not reject it, yet I dislike the "male" part of it because it feels wrong and highly embarassing. However, in certain situations, I can be happy with masculinity, although I have never had any kind of hint of any romantic relationship. When I was younger (and sometimes now) I used to strongly fantasise being a girl, and I would feel so confident and free with it, even though I did not openly cross dress or act like a typical female. The main problem is that any sense of "masculinity" I possess is "negative" to me, I want to reject it, automatically reducing my desirability as a male. The only one which I do not wish to reject is male sexual desire and certain other male characteristics which are not necessarily typically "manly" but are associated with being male. I also have an unusual sense of confidence since the confidence in my abilities is strong, I believe I can achieve any goal for studying, work, careers, and helping others, but when it comes to socialising, and in particular socialising in a romantic way, my internal monologue cannot help but reinforce self-defeatism and lack of hope for any romantic achievement (since I have never had a romantic connection from anybody). Couple that with the fact that the majority seem to find it so easy and it turns into a vicious cycle - Lack of confidence = Lack of desirability = Lack of confidence.
In terms of sexuality, I only envision true love with girls, although I have only found truly loved somebody once (although this was not reciprocated in the end). I also am sexually aroused by certain girls, but often by boys as well, and it tends to be a stronger, more lustful sense, whilst the desire for girls seems more subtle and satisfying. One reason may be that there was no male in my life, especially when I was young, that I wanted to emulate. There were plenty of women I identified with, but I lived in a family with a mother and sister primarily. I even remember drawing a lovingly detailed picture of a woman and a 30 second effort of a man next to her because he was of little importance to me. This is certainly not a hormonal "phase" or anything like that - I have dealt with this all my life, and it has only weakened during puberty, but is still a significant problem. I feel that I have no appeal to females if I myself am not comfortable and happy with being a male (which seems to be true judging by being a total relationship virgin). In terms of mentality, I have combined aspects - some male and some female thought processes, although this in itself is not that unusual. However, I feel that many "typically male" thought processes are negative to me, and I don't wish to associate myself with them - I will try to convince myself that I do not think this way. I don't know what to do, I'm not an absolute closet transsexual, I have no visions of romantic relationships with other boys, but I don't have any real masculine identity, what should I do?

lol, post of the year so far!
too long, but i still read it. is that mean i was stupid?
Anyway, not many guys r romantic. Some guys r too romantic(or try to be romantic) and some girls will think they r cheesy!!!

I u r a girl u'll want to be a boy cos if u r a boy u'll not need to worry that u'll be raped when u r walking alone in somewhere dark lol.
Reply 9
What the hell is so bizarre and laughable about my problem? Some people's may be more unusual but I would appreciate it if there weren't any insensitive jibes at it.
Reply 10

I'm not sure any of us are in a position to help you with such complex issues. Have you thought about talking to someone who may be able to offer you better support? E.g. A counsellor/GP..
Reply 11
Multiplexed
Wow...

This is a new low for the Health & Relationship forum.


Yes....i mean "i have a numb pain" OR "i want to get buff in the gym".....get a councillor?
Reply 12
speedstacker
too long, but i still read it. is that mean i was stupid?
Anyway, not many guys r romantic. Some guys r too romantic(or try to be romantic) and some girls will think they r cheesy!!!

I u r a girl u'll want to be a boy cos if u r a boy u'll not need to worry that u'll be raped when u r walking alone in somewhere dark lol.


I am romantic in nature, not only in love, but also love within nature and the beauty of conscious life, but I am unable to create any attraction or sexual relationship that would start something romantic.
Reply 13
It's too late in the evening for heavy headed stuff like this!
Not sure if this is relevant but I know a guy who is changing to become a woman. However he is straight so he will become a lesbian. The mentality of your problem sounds slightly similar - and hence you're not the only person in the world who feels this way. Whether or not you'd wan't to go to the same extremes I don't know.

Btw, posting as anonymous 'cause I don't want to implicate anyone accidently
Anonymous
I am romantic in nature, not only in love, but also love within nature and the beauty of conscious life, but I am unable to create any attraction or sexual relationship that would start something romantic.

well being romantic doesn't mean u need to *do that thing in the bed*:p:
Maybe it's your gf that's not making u *high*. (i think u were the person who said ur gf was quiet and shy one , wasn't it? Maybe it wasn't u )
Dun worry, I'm sure u'll find something that u r looking for at someday.:wink:
rich_
It's too late in the evening for heavy headed stuff like this!


agreed hottie
*claire_med*
agreed hottie

Hey Miss Dickson
Reply 18
speedstacker
well being romantic doesn't mean u need to *do that thing in the bed*:p:
Maybe it's your gf that's not making u *high*. (i think u were the person who said ur gf was quiet and shy one , wasn't it? Maybe it wasn't u )
Dun worry, I'm sure u'll find something that u r looking for at someday.:wink:


No that wasn't me, I've never had a girlfriend lol..

Yes....i mean "i have a numb pain" OR "i want to get buff in the gym".....get a councillor?


Well sorry... :rolleyes: Obviously a councillor is an option, but I was seeking possible personal advice people may have from similar experiences or what it may reflect - if you think it's something extreme that you can't help with then don't post...
Reply 19
I wish i could say anything that could help you but i really cant. I really think you should go and see your gp, who will then refer you to a counseller (would find the root of your feelings etc).

I dont really know what you want people to answer. I know this sounds really dumb, but whenever im depressed i write everything down that makes me upset when it happens to me and then reading back on my list, it clears my head. How about if everytime you feel uncomfortable as a male, write it down, and what triggered it off.